The Enchanter and the five coincidences
by So you want to be an Author
Summary: In the books Harry's years are always chaotic. How much worse would it be with five years of canon troubles in one? Enchanter, Independent, Gray, Smart and Political Harry! Eventual Runemaster Harry! Starts with anti-pureblood prejudiced Harry!
1. Wild Ride

AN: This is the first chapter. Hopefully many more are to come.

Full summary: AU, The Hogwarts' years of Harry Potter are always somewhat frantic, but what would happen if the events of all the first five books took place at the same time? What kind of chaos would it raise? Independent Harry. Smart Harry. Enchanter Harry. Eventual Runemaster Harry. Creatures (aside from basiliks, werewolves, dragons and merepeople). Political Harry. Begins with an anti-purebloods prejudiced Harry. Gray Harry. The story is Het and the main paring is Harry/Daphne with a possible expansion to Harry/Multi with Susan, Hannah, Fleur and Tonks being candidates.

AN2: Fixed the mistakes. (05 August 09)

I can see the castle on the right and most of the forest on the left. The hills are laid in typically scottish fashion. The grass, tall and humid, is glistering from the soft rain that is still pouring. Our boat isn't steady, the stupid-looking red-haired kid that assumed captaincy in a disgusting attempt to suck up to me is doing a terrible job of it. Still, I find my mind drifting; I remember the years that led me to this particular point in time. Today is a capital point of my life, the day I join my peers in a journey of self-improvement, the day I join Hogwarts.

It's not the beginning of the story though.

My story, the story of Harry James Potter, begins quite a bit earlier. Not, as one would assume, that fateful Halloween of 1981. Because, I consider that little bit of history as part of my parents story. Their end. No, the story of my short life can't really start before things start happening because of my own actions. That's why I think I should start with August 1985. The first piece of accidental magic I can remember that I'm sure I didn't imagine.

When I feel like confusing people I call it _The Bear incident_.

You see, a recurrent thing I learned across the years is that, accidental magic, much like wandless magic tends to be somewhat simple. Like levitation, recolouration, things that while magical are rudimentary enough to be dismissed as oddities if one is molded to do so.

Most are.

_The Bear incident_ wasn't like that, it was in fact quite sophisticated. I don't think there even is another recorded accidental animation. Not that others couldn't do it, but it takes a ridiculously abnormal state of mind. Accidental magic is a part of will-magic that responds to primal needs, and those don't tend to do in the fancy stuff.

I was always different like that.

It happened when my thuggish cousin Dudley, who really was just a fat and spoiled child back then, threw a stuffed teddy bear at me because he thought it looked stupid and that stupid things should stay together. I don't actually think he came up with the idea by himself, either my Aunt or my Uncle probably said something that sounded like that near him and like any good destructive-deviant kid he just went straight from observation to practice.

Funny how every born-Dursley I met was a practical man.

Now, I can't really remember what went through my mind at the time, but I think that my guess is pretty close to the truth. Accidental magic starts earlier than 5. A lot earlier. I had likely done quite a bit of it before the incident and, knowing my relatives, I was duly blamed and punished for it. Which I most likely thought was unfair at the time but let me wary of unusual things happening near me. My magic couldn't really answer to my wish to hurt Dudley back in a straightforward way like banishing it right back because I knew on a subconscious level that I would be blamed for that.

That's where it gets interesting.

Five year old kids don't make a distinction between real people and humanoid toys. So my magic did the only thing I didn't think would fall back on me. It animated the bear and made it give Dudley a beating. That way it would clearly be the bear's fault. Not mine. It didn't work that way of course. How could it? I was punished once again.

But something changed that day.

No matter how naïve, no five year old can seriously see a stuffed toy beat the crap out of someone and just dismiss it. While the primal part of my brain considered it was perfectly justified since it was like a person that wasn't me, the upper parts of it realized something was not quite right there. The bear never ever moved before. Not even a twitch.

And just when I was angry with Dudley it decided to forgo that most ancient tradition to defend my honor? Because let's be honest, it couldn't be for the bear's honor. I had seen Dudley throwing stones at it just the day before and it hadn't beaten Dudley then.

Not a chance in hell, I'm not that lucky.

So yeah, some of you might have gathered that me and my relatives aren't pals. Well, the bright ones, meaning the muggle-raised ones, should have anyway. My expectations for _the other kind_ aren't that high. From where I stand today that's both bad and good. Bad because, lets face it, I never did appreciate my uncle's belt quite as much as he did. Good because as explained it prompted an unquestionable magical act and because it gave me a certain survival craving that served me well and will most likely keeping doing so.

That's a big advantage in the wizarding world.

Somehow, Darwinism never really applied to wizardkind. There is a more than fair amount of weakness, madness and sheer stupidity in it's gene-pool that was never eradicated because magic just evens the odds that way. It's a lot harder to die for us than for muggles. It makes me wonder if, as technology keeps rising and giving better results, the same will start to happen there too.

The Dursleys' continued existence certainly indicates so.

I like to think that I am smart, for my age or otherwise. You won't hear the word _genius_ leave my mouth though… or maybe you will. So I'm not the humblest guy around. So sue me. The point is that after realizing I was somehow responsible for _The Bear incident_, I was smart enough, even at five, to understand that I most likely could do it again. What is done once can be replicated. But I understood more. Like I had improved over the months since my fourth birthday at doing domestic chores, I could most likely improve at whatever I had just done. I don't know if it appeared to me right there or if it came later but today I associate it with me leading an army of plushies and actions toys to subjugate the Dursleys.

I know I added the omnious dark cloak and the "Charge!" later.

But I really didn't fancy the idea of more beatings and starvation. I'm weird like that. So I concluded like any accidental-animation-wielding genius-child would that I needed to train myself to overthrow the evil adults, but I couldn't do it with people looking, under the threat of the mentioned punishments. I had to go undercover. Like that coyote with all the different looking clothes in the cartoons Dudley watched that I had caught glimpses of. That's another thing I am grateful for today. If I had actually been allowed to watch said cartoons I would have know that the poor guy's plans always failed.

It could have changed my whole life.

I don't know when it was that I started to get results. Well, intended results. I'm pretty sure that I put fire on two extras stuffed toys and made an action figurine explode the very next day. I honestly remember how upset it made me. For starters, it wasn't what I had wanted to do. In the second place, my intended result seemed harder than my obtained results. And finally, I could only use a toy once that way whereas an animated toy can be animated any number of times without damaging it in the least.

It never occurred to me that I could have just set my relatives on fire and be done with it.

The thing was that, after my first bit, even my primal brain couldn't keep fooling itself into thinking I needed to animate those toys. There just wasn't a valid reason for it to bother. No matter how hard I tried to will it to give life so that my minions could do my biding it just wouldn't work. Now, I was always very proud of my scientific mind. When I didn't manage to obtain the wanted results, I catalogued the unwanted results and tried to replicate the conditions of the incident.

For obvious reasons I couldn't use Dudley to do it.

So I made my first great breakthrough. If I could fool myself into the same state as the one I had been in that day, all the variables would be accounted for. It was obvious to me that the result depended entirely of me and not from my surroundings, the position of the stars at the time or Dudley himself. I was young then, now I know that form-magic and essence-magic are just as valuable as will-magic. Still, I was right back there. And it paid. After maybe three months or so, boy was I stubborn, of what can only be considered as self-programming I replicated the feat. In the meantime I learned without meaning to how to burn, explode, levitate, banish, paint in blue or red, make spin fast, cut to pieces and melt just about anything.

Thanks god, Dudley gave me a steady supply to experiment on.

To this day, my Aunt can't seem to figure out why there is a corner in the backyard where plants just don't want to grow looking like anything but Chernobyl's flora. I don't really know if it's from the residual magic or from all those failed attempts that I buried there.

Most likely both.

I don't rightly know how, but somewhere down this road, I started to feel what each effect felt like. Inside me first, as the magic built up, and later outside as well, either lingering inside my minions or in the short time while it traveled to it's intended target. Then my range of perception expanded and expanded until I could feel things from an hundred meters away. It sounds quite cool said like that but even in such a lot place as Privet Drive there is _a lot_ of magic going on at all times. There was something all around my house, there were some creatures around too and there was a lot inside the crazy cat-lady's house. Her cats felt all magical. I wondered if they were her minions but she didn't feel different at all.

It was hell to sleep.

To this day, even after I learned to tune it off, I still don't get much shut-eye. Force of the habit I guess. At least I can buy elixirs to make up for it nowadays. It certainly was a problem when I was six and it remained so until I reached eight. Some of what I sensed I tried to copy. Most of it I could not, simply because it relied on form and essence magic on some level. I did learn apparition, though it was nearly useless at the time to me. I couldn't apparate other things without apparating with them so it didn't help at all with my minions and I really didn't have anywhere to go to where I couldn't go walking or where I didn't risk being caught doing it.

But my sensing skills were what helped me the most in a way.

When I was eight or something like that, I decided to go around and try to sense more different things to see if I could find anything that could give me control post-activation without having to recast. Apparition, or teleportation as I called it at the time, became handy from there. I simply couldn't walk in a straight line for hours in the hope of sensing something new and not raise a stink with Aunt Petunia. But I could walk for a bit, find a secure area, memorize it and start from there the next time.

In four months of steady progress I was in London.

My range had increased as well. I could now sense magic up to eight hundred meters. I still don't know how it can be so big. It shouldn't be possible. It should overload the brain if I am to believe the treaties on the subject. Guess that's just one more proof that I'm not normal. In any case, I'm glad I can. Because if the range had been a hundred meters shorter I would have missed Diagon alley altogether. As it was I sensed it.

Almost passed out the same second.

There is just too much magic in Diagon. It's really the center of wizarding England. Only Hogwarts tops it. That's how I learned to tune my sensing down. It took a while but I managed to approach it eventually, after delimiting the area. In December I entered the Leaky Cauldron for the first time. And I was expulsed from it for the first time too.

It was the last time.

Of course an eight year old with muggle clothing would be suspicious and therefore sent back to it's parents. Not to say the idiots had the decency of checking where were my parents. Still, I can't complain. That _would_ have been a hassle. I just hate the lack of common sense of purebloods, or basic logic really. I'm glad my hair was long too. I didn't even know about the scar back then, all I knew was that it was more magical that the rest of my body.

Next time I wasn't alone.

In the short time I was inside I saw that a lot of people inside had those huge cloaks with hoods that covered their entire body. So I made one of these. It wasn't easy and frankly the final result was ugly. And red. I still hadn't managed to change colors aside from red and blue and I didn't have anything black to work with. Now, a normal person would probably have tried to find a way to be taller and would have gone right inside.

I didn't.

For some obscure reason I can't remember, I animated one of those discarded plastic dummy that shops let in the streets sometimes. It wore the cloak and some gloves and we entered the Cauldron hand in hand. Now, the hard thing was that it couldn't speak. So after seeing the inside and realizing that I _still_ couldn't access the huge source of magic behind the place, I made it write all the questions I had to the barman, Tom.

You don't know just how hard it is to animate something so minutely.

Of course neither me nor the dummy had a wand, so Tom had to open the portal for us the first time. But after that I could just apparate with it directly in the alley. Just as well. The dummy attracts some unwanted attention since heavily cloaked people are mostly vampires or such. It has the up of explaining the lack of wand but the glaring down of asking just what an eight year old kid is doing in such company.

Still, I had to at least come with it every time.

Kids aren't suppose to even know how to apparate. Much less do it. Much less do it without any supervision. I don't really know why I was even doing all that in fact. I have a lot of power. I could already animate three such dummies at the time. A lot more than what the Dursley could have handled. My guess is I was curious about magic and I couldn't resist the challenge anymore.

That and it was a habit.

The next obstacle was money. I simply didn't have any and I wasn't going to use my minions to rob banks or some such nonsense. Even back then I could smell a recipe for disaster from a mile away and risking the exposure of animated dummies to the muggle autorities was the best way to get both worlds after me. Though the image of four dummies robbing the bank and making all their demands by carrying big placards like in the coyote's cartoons was quite humorous.

But as I said, I couldn't risk it.

So I did use giant placards, but on these were prices for some animated toys I started to sell in Diagon. The wizarding world is quite lacking in the area it seems because I made a lot of money very quickly, even after I advertised that the animation would wear of in a month or so. So much in fact that I soon didn't have anyplace to put it. I had bought a shrinkable trunk with expanded space of course, and half a ton of books to put in it. So I love reading. So sue me again. But as I learned, gold and magic very seldom mix well together. That's why Gringots even exist, otherwise everybody would just have trunks keyed to their magic as those fuckers goblins don't give interests on the gold.

How could they give interest on objects anyway?

So I did the logical thing and went to the fuckers to open an account. Actually the logical thing would have to change the money to pounds and go to a real bank but I was a kid so give me some slack. Plus I didn't know about all that and even if I did, normal banks don't take money from eight years old kids with no parents or mute parents that use placards to communicate.

Go figure.

What I really wasn't expecting, because let's face it, history, even the magical one is extremely dry to read at that age (Still is with the stupid books they assigned us in fact), was to learn that I had vaults already. A trust with a small fortune and a main vault with a true fortune and some fancy magical artifacts. I could access the first and retrieve items from the second.

I let the gold for the time being but I took every single item I could safely store in a trunk.

Because let's face it, goblins just can't be trusted. Hell, from what I learned even goblins didn't trust goblins. I'm proud to say that nowadays I don't have a coin more with them that what's needed to have the vault under my name. I still can't access most of it but neither can they. It's divided into various smaller accounts in different muggle banks that I'll be able to touch when I'm eighteen.

I lose a year but it's worth it.

Since then I had three years to learn all I could about magic. That creep Olivander wouldn't sell me a wand before I was eleven but that didn't stop me from learning a good deal of theory along with occlumency that I had started by myself without realizing, runes and arithmancy. Even some ritualism. When I tried practicing in the Express it worked all right. Not perfect by a long shot but I manage up to year four of the curriculum.

Well, I told you that I was a genius.

That red-headed idiot almost managed to drown us all with his clumsiness. I wish I hadn't met him in the train. Stupid purebloods. I restrain myself from commanding his tie to choke him. I really don't want to row myself. Still, we are almost on the shore. Time to stop daydreaming and start to focus on the present. It's my first year at Hogwarts and I'm going to blow their minds.


	2. A feast for the mind

AN : So yet another chapter published. It's slightly lengthier than the other but you shouldn't expect it to keep growing each time. I just gained a whole new respect for those authors that write some 15k per chapter. It's tiring. I'm happy that the story seems to be well liked, though I am confused as to why people are putting alerts on it or even putting it in their favorites (I even have a favorite author and three author alerts in the list…) but don't leave a review even to just say good work. (If you are wondering I welcome all kind of reviews, even flames or anonymous ones.) I thank them anyway but in particular those who did. I simply refuse to publish new chapters after this one if I don't have at least an average of ten reviews by existing chapter for the simple reason that I usually don't bother reading other's stories if they don't unless they are on a C2 I like. Well, lets go.

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Even as used as I am to Diagon, it's somewhat painful to enter Hogwarts. I know that the forbidden forest alone would have driven me mad two years ago. Thank God for small favors. Yeah, God. Not Merlin, not Circée and definitely not Albus Dumbledore. I am agnostic, but even I can realize that none of those three ever did anything for me. Maybe for magic as a whole but never for Harry James Potter.

Stupid pureblood customs.

Not that the three of them are in the same category if you ask me. Circée came up with most of what is known to us about transfiguration and therefore animation. Merlin, he was the best enchanter Europe ever had. Albus Dumbledore dumped me with the Dursleys. Clearly he doesn't follow the pattern here. Halfblood genius, halfblood genius and pureblood delusional child-abuser. Not like the people around here seem to make any difference between them. Hell, that annoying little girl that woke me up in the train to ask me if I hadn't seen a toad, _while asleep_, is still rambling about how she hopes to be in Gryfindor because he was.

What the hell?

The guy is notoriously barmy or at least fakes it, he published a grand total of four books in a century and a half and of those four the only one that isn't a compendium of other people works brings a grand total of two theories. And he didn't even demonstrate them. _Educated guesses_ he calls them. That aside he is co-finder of the twelve uses of dragon blood with Flamel and can talk to goblins in their horrible language. Can't see just how the last one can be a good thing, if anything that makes him plain suspicious. Oh, and he offed some Dark Lord in the forties.

So a goblin-tongue, or whatever, talking fame-thief and a murderer.

The sorting is starting. No time to think about him anymore. The Hat just stopped singing and they are calling names. Quite the fine piece of enchanting it is, I looked around for informations on creating sentient objects and it's not a walk in the park. Even paintings are tough stuff and those are merely replicas of existing personalities. Godric made the Hat from scratch. Literally, as he turned a stupid piece of plain cloth almost into a person.

Now that would be a valuable reason to become a lion.

It's my turn. I didn't really pay attention to the others kids being sorted. I probably won't ever remember their names now. Damn, and I was hoping to make friends with all of them with such fervor too. Well, that's life I guess. Better luck next time… or not. I'm not that interested in socializing with sub-evolved species such as wizardkind if there isn't any profit to make. So maybe I'm grumpy from standing like an idiot for forty minutes while waiting for my turn to come.

So sue me yet again, I heard that third time is the charm.

The Hat chuckles while shifting on my head. At least the sound of it's voice covers the damn whispers. _Aren't we the feisty one? _I already knew about the Hat before coming of course, so I don't freak out when it mindtalks to me. _Let us start then. Well, definitely not a badger or a lion there… hum… ah! Some passion for academics! A fine raven you would do indeed… but you seem to enjoy confrontations and mindgames too… I think you would have a better time in…_ "SLYTHERIN!"

Huh. How odd.

My guess was Ravenclaw. It just shows that even geniuses, childs or otherwise, can be wrong too. Not like one could have known better from the way everybody treats old Dumbles around here. There isn't a lot of clapping for me. Better that way. I don't want to own them anything. That way my deeds will be only credited to me, to myself and to Harry James Potter. The professors, and there are quite a few of them, much more than what would be reasonable, are the most shocked of them all. The man next to Dumbledore is seething in what can only be called a spectacular fashion.

I think I saw him foam.

I'm distracted from that disturbing image by the food appearing on the table. Thank god for that. I'm stuffing myself with potatoes, without being a pig mind you, that would almost be suicide at this table, when that girly ponce that awakened me _for the second time_ in the Express just to give me his god-damned name tries to talk to me.

"So Potter, you are in Slytherin huh?"

That's what I was talking about before. Stupid people really shouldn't exist. Nature says so. God if he is out there says so. I say so. But I repeat myself. Yet here he is, impossible to ignore after this display. The guy has pureblood written all over the face and most likely all over his incestuous ass too. What can I even reply to that? Why is he even talking to me when I animated his goons' clothes to make them hit him and take him out of my cabin back then? Don't tell me he seriously thought I wasn't involved! The less ridiculous sounding answer I have is a disbelieving face and a disdainful "Indeed."

There. That should be clear enough, even for him.

The poor thing is sputtering with half it's neck colored with an angry shade of red. Weird, I thought he was the type to pale dramatically. At least the others morons seem to get the message if I'm to take the calculative stares as a sign. The upper years aren't all that interested in me anymore though. They can't afford to lose too much time on unknowns like me when there are already so much safer backs to stab and certain profit to be made. Yeah, I have time with them.

With my year-mates, well not so much.

Still, the first message was clear and I can see that the blonde princess and the somewhat tall for his age latin-looking guy have assessed me adequately. Too bad they are purebloods. They look a lot less dumb, and a fair amount less ugly, than the average of the table. I wonder if beautiful people are naturally smarter. Maybe I'm biased because for a second I think so. Until I remember that moron Lockhart that was making his promo in Diagon just the other day. Oh, there he is at the head table, showing his neon-white teeth to the world and then some.

I just finished eating my strawberry-pie when Dumbles start talking again.

"Most wonderful! Now that our primal needs are tended to, it is my pleasure to say that I have a few announcements to make." Why can I see an _applaud please_ sign behind him? "First, those of you that we welcome back from last term are probably wondering why we have so many new teachers this year. It is not a definitive measure. Hogwarts will this year be the host of the newly revived Tri-wizard Tournament" I don't cheer, I can see that something is bothering him. If I'm right, his next statement will either make me very happy or very afraid. "Unfortunately, on the insistence of both Durmstrang Academy and our very own Ministry, there shall be no age limit to enter the contest."

Yeah… I didn't think it was going to be happy either.

I mean, really, as if having Sirius Black after my hide wasn't bad enough. This is a dream opportunity for him to infiltrate the school to try to finish the job. I can see the headlines already pointing to the man that fooled the dementors that I'm a fair target. "As a result, our student population will triple by the end of the month and we will therefore need trice as much teachers to compensate. It is my pleasure to welcome Quirinus Quirrel, Gilderoy Lockhart and Remus Lupin, our three new defense professors. I Welcome with equal heat Nicolas Flamel and Horace Slughorn to the position of potion teachers. In the very same way, I thank Perenelle Flamel and Charity Headstone for their future assistance in charms classes. Much in a similar manner I acknowledge Alastor Moody and Henry Blackstone as our newest transfiguration masters…."

Damn but the guy is boring!

That's a pink mage if I ever saw one. I mean, he most likely has some skills, but I don't think those improved much since his NEWTS. He certainly gives me the picture of a guy that lives on his image, both cashing on past glories and affecting the world by proxies. So maybe I'm jealous. Who needs pink magic anyway? Certainly not me. I'll just be an awesome gray mage with a touch of black and red.

Looks like I missed part of his speech. Darn!

"…And finally I am glad to introduce the charming Hestia Jones who will take the post of assistant to the equally lovely Madam Pomphrey." Breathe old-timer! Breathe! "Finally, to assure… proper management of the event as well as the everlasting quality of our educational standards, the minister graciously provided the support of miss Dolores Umbrige." I know her. She gave some nasty quotes to the Prophet just last week. Some crap about the old fool. Can't blame her for that. Though I do blame her for her horrid face.

Never said I was a nice guy… just a genius.

"Now, some final warnings. With the escape of the convicted criminal Sirius Black from Azkaban's high security stronghold, the defensive settings of the school have been yet again upped and it is therefore essential for students to follow curfew at all times, to never go in the forbidden forest and more importantly, not to venture on the left aisle of the third floor. That will be all. Prefects are asked to gather the lower years and show them the way to the appropriate dormitories."

What? Already? What about the library?

There's no way in hell I'm going to sleep right now. I usually sleep 5 hours a night and even with Dumbledore's long-winded speech it's barely nine PM. Fuck that! It's not like I was going to sleep with the dumb ones anyway. Can't trust the girly one to keep either of his wands to himself. He strikes me as the _sharing_ type. And his hired thugs probably smell an awful lot. I mean, come on! I can understand my animated dummies being smarter than wizards, but when they start to be more hygienic it's a terrible sign. You don't know half the things I've made them do.

I just need to quietly slip away from the herd.

There. Only the not-so-dumb ones even noticed anything. But those aren't moronic enough not to mind their own business while I still am an unknown. I need to make that last. Where should I look first? And why isn't there a map of the castle anywhere? Even in that _Hogwarts a history_ book there's nothing. Guess I am going to explore then. It sounds way too random to my tastes and there is always the possibility that one of those secret passages I heard about will bring me to the third floor. Which would be bad. Well, for normal people it probably would. Me, I'm not so sure as I don't know what actually is there.

Makes me feel like a Slytherin pureblood. God I'm starting to fit in.

Huh. The next step of the staircase feels funny. Better to just jump above. One never knows what these people consider necessary around here. Or safe for that matter. It can't be a secret passage right? I mean, who would make one of these in a place where people are likely to find about it by just walking? Maybe wizards. I'm not so sure anymore. The only other somewhat plausible explanation would be a trap of some kind. But unless it's something a student came up with it doesn't make much sense either. Hogwarts was always a school, not a real castle. If this is indeed a trap it's more dangerous to random students than to the dubious possible intruder.

Now I'm curious.

I take my trunk from my pocket and command it to expand. It obeys like any good enchanted, non-sentient, item should. There. I take a dummy, an elements and kinetic force resistant model that for some random reason looks like Iron Man since I tinkered with it, I animate it and have it walk on the steep while carefully getting some distance between us. So it was a trap. The dummy just lost it's leg. I sigh. If things keep that way I am quickly going to need some more and lets face it, I still have some miles to go before I can transfigure one.

I miss apparition.

I'm not fond of autority but even I won't risk going in the forest to apparate to somewhere with more of them for me to collect. When faced with a werewolf or a Vampire, hell even a fairy, there is only so much that animated plastic can do and my other skills are not as hot. It would probably kill me to try pyrokinesis or one of such my earlier discoveries on a magical being. My core is huge for my age but still lacking for something like that. Like trying to kill someone with an _evanesco_. So not just yet. I wonder if I can steal one of these suits of armor. Ten should be adequate escort I think.

All bow to king Harry of Britain! May his wisdom be just low enough for him not to realize he'd do a world a favor by killing us all!

Hum… maybe I should keep going. I still need to find the damned library. Do they hide it? Frankly it wouldn't surprise me. I'm pretty sure that purebloods aren't aware of what goes through their own minds. Normal folk just can't compete with that. If I knew someone who could, I would most likely kill the guy straight away to stop it from spreading before I even got the answer. So it'll keep being a mystery.

Don't look at me that way, I did tell you that I wasn't a good guy.

I never really killed anyone though. A couple of guys in Knockturn got a rough handling by two cloaked dummies, half a dozen toys and their own shoes but that's all. I think one of them lost a piece of ear but it was pretty dark at the time so I couldn't see too well and any kind of meat laying around in that street doesn't stand a good chance of making it till morning. Now that I think about it, I wonder if the stuff that lurks there didn't finish the job, attracted by the smell of blood or just by the prospect of looting them. At least in the wizarding world they aren't too likely to have their organs for sale.

Few rituals have components from middle-aged wizards with low power levels it seems.

Ah! Here it is! It wasn't hidden after all. Small favors and all that. No matter what you may, or really what I may, think of Hogwarts as a whole, the library is just something else. There is a lot of junk of course; purebloods were involved amongst a true rainbow of other stupid people after all. I heard some upper years discuss a book that explained how to give a dragon a third horn on the tongue. But more importantly, they buy every magical book that is published out there. Which unlike shops means they actually have some of the sensible work lost somewhere.

Now I just need to go hunting.

I start with runes of course. I simply don't have the time to look for anything specific and that way I can hope to find useful stuff no matter what. I've only played with preserving runes and so along with some basic warding arrays until now. It makes for sturdier toys but not much else. It's depressing how little they have in the shops I went. Why is there such a weak demand for such powerful and profitable branch of magic I'll never know. I'm sure that somehow Dumbledore is to blame. What I really want is sentience and a good conversation but for now I'll settle for everlasting animation.

If I can make it tampering-proof I'll even be able to sell to muggles!

That and acquire servants that don't have squeaky voices and ridiculous noses. That reminds me to be wary of the castle elves. Those aren't advertised, though all purebloods know about them, for a reason. Most likely they report to the headmaster. With his unnatural fascination with all things Potter… Oh, but I didn't tell you about that yet did I? Well, aside from the forcefulness to put me with the Dursleys, he seems to be very interested in my finances and to have people watching Privet Drive. And he didn't think it would be a good idea of informing of my rights and duties as heir to the Potter line. Not that there will be a Potter line. Once I finish school I am changing it to Seldon and moving to the U.S.

The less purebloodish things people can associate with me the better.

It's not like I don't like England. God save the Queen and all that. Really, I hope he does. Because for her to live, let alone rule, in the most magically backwards country in Europe she will definitely need it before the end. I know that I won't be taking the chances. With the way people see me around here, and unfortunately stupid-what's-his-name-red-head is an accurate and representative sample, I won't be surprised if they demand that I handle Dark Lords from now on. Doesn't matter that I'm eleven. I have a wand don't I? That's a lot more than just a big forehead so it should be fine right?

Not that I couldn't if given some time to prepare, but it doesn't mean I want to.

Ah! This one shows potential! A grounding rune used as a center to an inamobility array that can be keyed! It's no good for minions of course. An animated object that can't move in most circumstances don't serve much purpose. But I can see many uses that the dim-minded author can't. He merely classifies it as warding because you can put it on a door and have it only move for you. Like I said, dim-minded. I could put it on a weapon, keyed to only respond to kinetic forces coming directly from living beings and parry strikes effortlessly or even apply it to my clothes with only myself being keyed and take canon-shots at point blank range. It could even make a decent anti-theft measure on common objects. As long as I cover whatever I use it on with gold after that to immunize to magic too that is. Come to think of it, I could do that to the suits of armor too if I find a way to permanently animate them.

What was I saying again?

Oh yeah. Leave England. Britain in fact. I don't see how you could blame me for it. It's not like I would be the first to do so. Why did you think we had such a low population to begin? And why are those few neuraly-chalenged? Well, that's a part of _the mechanics of the species_ that actually applies to wizards. When a place is unsafe or unpleasant, the brightest members of the local species migrate to other areas. The more the situation is blatant, the less bright the subjects have to be for the rule to apply. When you know we have no giants left in Britain it's a wonder we are even that many.

Thankfully there are exceptions.

Muggleborns in the first place. Those have an even chance at stupidity. Then there is the category of purebloods whose wealth is just too tied to the land. They are not quite as smart on the average as the first ones since they still do incest, but they can compensate with knowledge and money. Those can almost be mistaken for normal people if you ignore the lingering arrogance. My father most likely was one of them. His record as well as his choice of partner certainly points that way.

I don't fool myself though.

He his my dad and I love him even without knowing what he looks like but he is still the one of my two parents that trusted our safety to that murdering psychopath Black without even asking for an oath or truth serum. I can understand the oath part. There's an actual reason why people don't go throwing those around like candies on Halloween. An oath needs to be enforced and it's one's magic that does it. That means that a small part of your magic is always on stand up waiting for you to break the deal and that's that much less magic for you to use in the day. It's fine if you just swear that you are telling the truth, and that's what he could have asked, because it's over in a second. But if you go around swearing to everybody you meet that you won't ever do this o that it's something you carry all your life and you could very well ending as a squib.

Huh. I'm sleepy now.

My musings and researching took a big chunk of the night and I know I won't do much else today. My back is kind of stiff and I don't think I can transfigure even a pillow in this state. I probably should try and find a better place to rest as even in this lost corner of the room I'm fated to be found in the morning but I can't seem to care right now. As I black out the last thing I think is that I'm glad tomorrow is Saturday.


	3. Professional Assistance needed

AN: Yet another chapter. And it grew a little again. It was shorter at first but I over-compensated… I thank people for theirs reviews again. Like last time, I'll wait for 10 reviews at least before posting the next chapter for reasons I already explained. If it's hard for you people to gather the courage I was thinking of posting shorts enigmas at the end (or even inside) each chapter and give cookies-points to the first to answer correctly. Then you could spend it by deciding minors things in the story, like the name of a chapter or such. Personaly I think it isn't as shameless as polls… Well, let me know what you think both about this idea and the chapter.

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Urg! I hate morning! Turns out that nobody found me in my corner after all. Madam Pince expulsing, _in a very loud way for a damn librarian_, the capilar accident from yesterday woke me up. It frightens me how the girl's first reflex was exactly the same as mine's. Only with the rule-respecting crap. Maybe some payback is in order. After all, that's twice now that she is directly or indirectly responsible for disturbing my rest. If she were a pureblood I would have buried her already.

Lucky her! (not heir, hare and most certainly not hair)

What was I saying again? I keep getting sidetracked when I haven't eaten anything for eight plus hours… doesn't matter. I've some more pressing issues on my hands. The most notable one probably being the not so discreet s glares from most of the snakes in my year. Why are those fools in such a bad mood suddenly? Everyone was fine yesterday. Surely they can't all be like me? Well, if the little psychos won't tell what's wrong I'll just need to persuade one to share.

Not the girlish one though.

Princess is right in front of me. Perfect. I kick her shin under the table to get her attention. Except she was already staring at me. Forgot about that. Well, I'm pretty sure that she did something in her life to warrant it so it isn't wasted. Her murderous look makes me pause for a fraction of second. There's madness somewhere in there. It's still better than stupidity so I don't complain. Time for confusion-tactics I guess. She isn't a threat right now but non-encephalicaly-dead people can progress quite a bit in seven years. So I use my sweetest tone of voice.

"Is there something you want to tell me dear?"

Somehow she looks more angry than confused. Maybe I should start training? I didn't have a lot of friendly, or even friendly-sounding, conversations in my life and as I said I'm a terrible pink mage. No human-empathy whatsoever, no emotional-influence either and a complete lack of magnetism. It's pretty rare for a human being not to grasp instinctually at least one of the three. Hell, even muggles are decent in average and it's a skill that requires magic. I sigh and raise my hands in surrender. That should do it unless she takes it for mock-surrender. Maybe I should just dummify myself and start to walk around with giant tags?

"Where were you last night?"

Is there a hidden rule that states that when angry a Slytherin should never yell or growl but always hiss? Somehow she managed to transmit murdering-intent, curiosity and contempt at the same time. She doesn't let me answer. That's a somewhat good thing as I would have told her it was none of her business. Glad to know that the small favors service is available on weekends too. Her voice drops further.

"Professor Snape came to give the first years the directives last night."

Ah! So that's how they convey the hissing rule to everyone. The foaming guy distributes pamphlets to the firsties every year! And it's just like Startrek! Rule number twenty-one, _I shall despise anyone below me_. Rule number twenty-two, _I shall revere my superiors_. Rule number twenty-three, _only people officially declared as Dark Lords by the ICW, my father and the foaming guy are my superiors._ Rule number twenty-four, _all Slytherins start their ranking with a peer-status while all non-Slytherins start with a below-status_. Rule number twenty-five, _peer and below status are altered by a system of points that takes into account blood purity, financial health, titles, the quality of one's sneer…_ Damn. I got sidetracked again. Better if I eat something. What did she just say?

"… and I don't care what your problem with him is, I don't want to pay for it Potter!"

So from the glimpse of her pureblood-princess rant that I caught, foaming guy noticed I wasn't there yesterday and went berserk on the others in my year. Fine by me. It most likely means that he had something unpleasant to set with me and that my natural genius foiled his evil plans. And some purebloods got a free ass-whipping. Clearly a win/win situation. But maybe I shouldn't tell her that. Hey! They have fine pancakes here! Oh, she is expecting an answer. Better not commit to anything. I blanken my face.

"I'll see what I can do."

She relents. It worked! She is all cold and snobby again! Latin-looking guy doesn't look so easy to appease though. And the other first years around aren't even worth the try as I don't seem to have raw meat with me at the moment. Whatever. My Prophet just arrived. Yes, you heard right. I subscribed to that piece of crap. For the simple reason that it's the only daily anything out there. Anyway, let's see. _Black still on the run_ … _Who are Black's known associates?_… _Just what black magic did Black use to escape?_… _Black's impact on the broom market_ …_Blackened Denarius for sale_ …

This is ridiculous!

How on Earth is there not one article that doesn't talk about the guy? I mean, I'm just as interested as the next guy, more if you consider that I am a target, but they clearly went overboard here! Non-the-less, I can't avoid thinking about it some. Why I am a target? Of course, revenge isn't a foreign concept to me, but who in their right mind would put that ahead of the continued existence of one's soul? I know I would be in Transylvania by now if I were he. Granted that with ten years of exposure to dementors along with the pureblood natural disposition for madness it's hard to tell if he is in his right mind.

But he should be at least still partially sane to manage an escape.

Hey! Look! Foaming guy is coming in my direction! Huh. He really doesn't look happy. I almost feel bad for the others now. He seems to be the kind to sputter all over your face when angry. Maybe the hissing rule exists to prevent that? Too much of a hassle to ask but I think it's a valid hypothesis. It looks like he wants to grab my arm to prevent an escape. Now _that_ just won't do it. I had enough of it with Vernon to take extras now that I'm free.

So preventive strike it is.

The funny thing, or rather disgusting really, thing about hair is that it's not really a living tissue. In fact, it's quite dead, or so I heard anyway. It's funny though because it means that while not as vulnerable as plastic, because it was once living, it doesn't have the rest of the body's "immunity" to magic. I could set his on fire right now if I wanted to, or change it to fushia even. But that could be taken as accidental magic and therefore linked to me. No, animation is much safer as long as I'm a firsty. But he doesn't have so much hair. It would just bother him like that. So I combine my fantastic idea with one of my earlier failures. The one that gave eleven plushies and a couple of barbies so much hair that I trimmed it all and made myself a better mattress. I'm a genius.

At least, the three other houses seem to think so.

I don't wait for Cousin Itt to think of using a simple _finite incatatem_ to avoid being strangled and I slip away from the great hall. Why is it even called that I wonder. I didn't find any maps since yesterday but somehow I doubt that there is a lesser hall or a common hall. That's wizards for you. Hum… now that my breakfast was interrupted, what should I do? I have tons of artifacts from the main Potter-vault to run diagnostics charms on as the guys just stocked all of it there without even leaving notes about what each thing was. I can identify the most commons by sight but apparently I am not the first odd bean of the line.

Odd, not queer. Get it straight!

There is that snitch in particular that I really want to examine. Somehow, it's pure gold (not just goldened) but they still managed to enchant it. Not the standard set either. I can sense that it does something else. I don't care if they made it or stole it, it's just impressive to even posses. If I can learn from it, I am going to be on my merry way to build a really expensive magic-proof army. The problem with goldening like I want to do with the armors suits is that it can only take so much. Energy, even here, doesn't just vanish. Magical energy tends to just turn to heat when in contact with gold.

So after a few spells on the same spot it starts melting.

And you can't compensate with heat resistance magic as you can't put those on the gold layer and have it work. Applying that solution to what's underneath the gold, like for the animation runes, won't affect the outer layer so there isn't much of a point doing it either. Of course, as gold only shields from direct magic, the minions will still be preys to indirect casting much like what I did with the foaming guy twenty minutes ago. You trap the opponent with something that isn't a part of the restricted targets. Huh. Why I am explaining you all about magical theory again?

Guess I should have eaten more pancakes.

Somehow I think I just had an enchanting overdose. I'll just find an unused classroom and practice my wand magic some. Diagnostic spells for one. And maybe a little red magic for the beasts in my dormitory… the dormitory! I still don't know where it is! I knew I forgot something! Not that I changed my mind about sleeping there no. Thank you very much. But that's where my official trunk with all my clothes and school supplies are. Lets just grab a random student and ask.

"You! Yeah you with the unnaturally-glowing red hair!"

She doesn't look pleased. "Where are Slytherin dormitories?" I try to make it sounds like only a half-demand. I just met her after all. First impressions and all that. It must have worked as she doesn't look angry anymore. She looks confused. A pureblood then. "How should I know? I am a first year and in Hupflepuff!" Shit! Still, not my fault she's got the exact same shade as the princess' not-too-dumb friend. "Can't you see my tie's colors?"

Time for damage control.

I give her a look of disbelief and show her my own blue-with-red-polka-dots tie. First thing I did after the sorting. I don't like green. Not green magic, not forests and apparently not Slytherins. She is shocked now. "How did you do that? Wait, you are in Slitherin and you don't know where your own dormitory is?" Her tone is so full with incredulity that I can't help but laugh. "Ask me no questions and I'll not tell you to go to hell." There. Much more polite than the first way to finish that sentence I came up with.

I am flirting with her?

So maybe I am. It's not like I have proof that she is a pureblood. She didn't say anything damning yet so there must be hope no? She is grinning now. "You are not quite normal are you?" There's a teasing glint in her eyes. I lace my voice with just enough disdain to get an image going. "That's just another way to say I'm a genius." She can't say I didn't warn her now. "Well then mister genius, why didn't you just ask your head of house?" I'm quite certain that she is mocking me now. "You mean the foaming guy? We aren't exactly cordial if you remember what happened earlier…"

Her nose just twitched.

"That was you! I thought it was the Gryfindor's twins! All the school did! Even Snape!" How wonderful. Scapegoats. I wonder what I can get away with as long as they are nearby. "Well, there wouldn't be much point doing that to escape his wrath at me not being a good sheep yesterday after dinner if he realized I was guilty of that too…" Why am I bragging again? Oh yeah. Flirting. This is going to eat my free time I can just feel it. Still, maybe I can find some use for a pretty thing like that.

Assistant-overlord or something

At least until I manage to create a sentient artifact. She could keep me informed of appointments and take care of the minion-registration act at the very least. Shit! Was she talking this whole time? "… So? Do you want me to help you look for it?" I'm going to play it safe and just nod. "Do you know if there is a map of this place anywhere?" She doesn't look mad; well, not angry-mad at least. It means she didn't talk about that earlier when I wasn't listening. "Yes. That prefect with pink hair distributed them the first night. I do hope that she didn't make those herself because she seemed a bit forgetful and clumsy… Oh, and I don't think your dormitories are there. Not even ours are to make sure that they stay hidden."

So I was right about them hiding critically important rooms. How surprising.

At least now I know that she'll be a great assistant. Wow! The place is huge! I take the map from her and use a basic, if over-charged, replicating charm. Now that I've got my own, permanent, map I take a pen and start adding my personal notes on it. I put markers where the dummy's leg-eating trap is and on the section of the library I identified. She is looking over my shoulder now. "How do you know that?" I don't feel like explaining and she looks smart enough to figure it by herself with what I already told her so I just give her a mysterious smile.

Or at least I try. I didn't practice those often either.

"I knew there wasn't going to be a lesser hall…" I mumbled it but I think she heard because she just snorted. Very undignified if you ask me. I for one don't do snorts. Not even the disdainful kind as it was claimed as a purebloodish trademark early into the fifteenth century. I need to separate myself from both kinds of rabble. "So where are _your_ dormitories?" She raises and eyebrow. Guess she doesn't socialize much either because she could use some training with it as the second one half-followed.

"I don't think I know you nearly well enough to answer that mister Potter."

I frown. How I am supposed to wake my assistant at three in the morning to have her go fetch me a sandwich and a glass of milk if I don't know where she sleeps? If only those talkie-walkies-like phones I heard are going to start being sold worked around here! In fact that would be even better than knowing were she sleeps as I wouldn't have to leave my bed to benefit from her assistance. Then again there would be other up-sides…

"How about I show you mine after you show me yours?"

I make a double-take. Oh my god! She is flirting back! This isn't supposed to happen! It never does in the movies! I just need to think about a way to distract her… Damn. It wasn't nearly as hard when it was with the foaming guy. I settle for scoffing awkwardly. Maybe it's not too late to play the clueless fool? "But I don't know where the Slytherin dormitories are. We already discussed that." She looks slightly disappointed but I don't think it's because I fooled her. I can still see a dimming, but present, victorious glint in her eyes. She knows she just scored a hit but she would have preferred a knockout.

What a vicious streak.

If all the witches my age that have a brain are like that then maybe I should put more effort in promoting peace with princess? But now isn't the time for thinking about that. Somehow I managed to turn her out again. If I keep it like that she is fated to notice sometime soon. Should I start carrying a food-supply around? Something with caffeine in it maybe? Better write it down before my mind starts wandering again and I forget about it.

She raised her eyebrow again. It's only marginally better than last time. Should I tell her?

Best to wait I think. "So where should we start to look you think?" I look at the map again. "The prefects were leading us this way and I… hum… lost them around here. They were going in that direction." I briefly entertain the thought of enlarging the map, fish for some plastic figurines in my trunk and animate them to demonstrate but I stop myself in time. Assistant or not, it's better not to show my strongest skill too much. I don't want people to start connecting dots that I'm sure will start appearing all around the place very soon.

The train's incident and the breakfast's happenings come to mind.

"Unless they were planning to use some kind of secret passage that means we are looking for an entrance in the dungeons." I can't believe it! The dungeons? What the hell? Are they really that cliché? Then again, they did build the castle some thousand years ago. Maybe it was the hip thing to do, for creepy snake-talking black wizards, at the time? Live in a dungeon, never cast a cooling charm in your life again! "But my aunt told me that prefects don't use to show secret passages to students. Something about exploring sating people's sense of adventure and preventing chaos…" That actually made sense.

Still, now I'm sure that she has at least one magical relative.

Well, even if she is a pureblood, it's not like anybody is perfect. And she is the only CV on the pile anyway… Didn't I already tell you to stop looking at me that way? I've got perfectly good reasons to think so lowly of purebloods. I know that even muggleborns, who are the ones at the receiving end of their stupidity most of the time, aren't nearly as much combative as me… But lets face it; muggleborns don't really live in the wizarding world until they finish Hogwarts. They learn about all the crap little bit by little bit and by the time they graduate they are so used to it that some don't even realize how wrong it is.

It wasn't like that for me.

As soon as I had enough money I left the Dursleys. That means I've had three years in the center of wizarding-London. Non-stop. It made me sick at night before I learned to mind-rant to vent the frustration and the disgust. And that's just Diagon and the bank with a touch of Knockturn. I just don't want to know how it would have been if I had added the government. It's likely that I would have slit my wrists for even being related to them.

"How about we go there then? I need the training with diagnostic charms anyway…"

From where she stands it probably looks like I am bragging. She is wrong of course but then again I'm pretty sure she thought I was joking about being a genius… "Ok! If it's anything like mine there should be some sort of guardian with a password. I wonder what it could be. It's not like there are paintings down there." _Magia revelio_. _Magia revelio_. _Magia revelio_. Is that even true latin? I'm getting good after five minutes of it but God it's tedious.

So I find myself asking personal questions about her to kill time.

It's not exactly a wise thing to do. First, because she is a female and even they admit that if prodded the right way they can, and will, talk for hours. Second, because that's an invitation to do the same in the near future. And if I don't talk about my family, where I live or what my skills are there isn't a great deal of things I have to tell about myself. But wizards are hardly wise anyway. So I hear all about her Aunt that is the Head of the Aurors (a ministry-worker! It's even worse than I thought!) and about her friend Hannah Abbott. It's funny that I know her Aunt's name and her friend's but not hers.

No matter. Assistant suits her fine.

I found a lot of things by casting the magic-diagnostic charm. Traps, hidden alcoves, lost objects, half-eaten candies, more traps, secret passages and what I think is one of the places where the builders carved the warding-runes and covered them up with stones. But no dormitories just yet. And it's almost lunchtime. As I said, the place is huge. It's doing wonders for my map at least. "How about we try again after eating?" She looks like she wants to but shakes her head, which incidentally do weird things to her hair… But who am I to talk? As long as it's not as bad as She-who-won't-let-me-sleep I don't really care all that much.

"I can't. I promised Hannah that we would do some exploring on our own. Can I have a copy of your map by the way?"

Well, it's only fair. And I don't think I would have liked going with them anyway. There's only so much time in the day I can be courteous and I better save what little is left for the off chance that I have to talk to princess or anyone else that I don't fancy trying to kill me. I give her a nod and we walk silently to the hall. Now that I have proof that it's the only one we have I sure as hell am not going to call it _great_. If anything it should be called the _lame_ hall. It's cold, badly illuminated even with the creepy sky-roof and more importantly, there are always lots of wizards in it.I make another copy and give it to her. We part ways at the entrance.

"See you later then Harry!"

Eh. First person to ever call me _that_ I think. But once again there is no time to lose by pondering such things. There is food to be eaten and we don't want a repeat of this morning. I sit down… near girly ponce. Damn! "Conspiring with blood-traitors Potter? And a Hufflepuff at that? How lowly of you!" I'm still unsure if I should give him an acidic reply or just vanish his pants when I am beaten to it. "Are you stupid Malfoy? Doesn't your father work at the ministry? You can't go around insulting Director Bones' family!" It's the first time I hear somewhat-tall-for-his-age latin-looking guy and I must say that I'm impressed.

He even makes it sound like he is concerned for the guy he just ridiculed.

Scoring on both sides of the board at eleven? He is almost as smart as I am. Maybe I could learn from him? It shouldn't be too hard to find something of equivalent value… Hum… girlish-boy pales quite well. It makes him look like a fresh corpse. But as _that_ isn't something I want to learn how to do, there is no point in examining the phenomenon much longer. Not if that means looking at him anyway. Who knows what people might think?

I sigh.

Maybe I should go to the library again. I don't feel like exploring the horrible dungeons by myself. And NO, I'm not afraid! I'm just used to my assistant's ramblings by now. Tomorrow is Sunday still anyhow, so there are no classes I need material for. And really, who can tell the difference between a shower and a _tergeo_? But I should really transfigure that pillow before I start. I'm not that wicked that I don't need to rest yet.


	4. Why does everyone wish me harm?

AN: Some people said that Harry as a, even if self-proclaimed, genius was weird. It's a very valid point and as much as I enjoy Smart Harry! Fics I wasn't going to do it. But then I took a good look at my basic idea of putting years one to five together and quite frankly, average Harry! Just couldn't handle it. So I decided to give him a fighting chance both in skills and as it will show in this chapter in magical artifacts. I love those and most fics bar Perfect Lionheart one are lacking.

A lot of people told that the way I write confuses them. They have my apologies. I can even confuse myself at times. Most of it I can't change as I said to them. It's part of the way I started writing and I don't feel like changing it midway would be natural. Nonetheless, I am taking some measures by submitting my work to a beta-reader from now on. Hopefully it'll help some but HinekoAkahi and I are so much alike that I have my doubts.

Anyway, thanks for the reviews. Like last time, I'll only post chapter five after I have got a minimum of ten reviews for the same reasons.

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I think that there is much to be said about girls. And just as with purebloods, most of it isn't flattering. I didn't get to stay in the library as much as I wanted. Princess didn't let me. She got all worked up about how she didn't want to risk Snape, that's the foaming guy, flaying her alive just because I couldn't respect a stupid rule. She was literally dragging me! And when I told her that I thought it was just an excuse to have some skin-contact she slapped me and asked if I thought that she ought to give me some more.

Who _does_ that?

So not only did I lose library-time but I had to spend two more hours permanently-warding my bed and possessions against first to fourth year level magic and smells. Oh! And there's a sixth boy in the dorm. I don't understand how I missed him earlier. I guess he just is the fitting type. Half-dark, half-snob, half-sheep. I think that his father along with Malfoy's, that's girlish-boy, were Death Eaters under the _imperius_. Why do I feel like somebody out there is handing Black all the tools he needs to succeed?

Anyway, me and princess had a lot of words flying yesterday.

Apparently she doesn't like to be called that. You learn something new every day! But that doesn't matter as I'm pretty sure that she broke the hissing rule twice, at the very least, and will therefore be expulsed from the house quickly. I don't think anybody told her though but that's understandable as it scared a lot of people when she started screaming and destroying the chairs. Maybe I should really try to make it better. It's not that I'm scared. Because I'm not. But if things keep going like this I'll end deaf before they throw her out. How about that peace-flag thing I was thinking about the other day?

But what to do?

A symbolic gesture… something that costs me nothing…Well, I could start calling her by her name. What was it again? It started with D didn't it? I don't think that Assistant knows either because all she does when I ask her is laugh. Well, that'll just have to do the trick then. It's better than princess isn't it? It's settled; from now on she shall be D. Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine. We have a lot in common when you think of it! She despises everybody on Earth too for one.

Surely there is some bonding to be done over that, no?

Then again, so does that Snape-fellow if his permanent scowl is to be a clue. Maybe only beautiful people can bond over that kind of things. I know, I know. We already determined that I am biased and that we aren't smarter as a rule. But this is a completely independent theory based on careful observations of a representative sample of Hollywood movies. Ugly people like Snape have sad lives and they make it sadder by their resentment while beautiful people struggle with their hate and anguish until they find other equally messed up person and bond.

Leading to hot, sweaty sex.

That's just the way it is. But now that I think about it, I don't think that bonding with D would be a very good idea. Clearly she is the kind that devours her partner's head after consummation. Which would be bad. Unless I, somehow, manage to make Snape beautiful enough that she bonds with _him_! Even with magic it would be really hard to raise him to D's level though… Speaking of him, he tried to corner me again today. If it wasn't for the strikingly real-looking pixie-toys I bought while roaming Diagon I don't know what I would have animated on such a short notice without tipping him.

Better to let him think he accidentally ingested some malaclaw venom.

Old Dumbles too wants to see me… He sent a prefect with a note this evening asking to go to his office after dinner. Somehow, I only remembered it an hour ago. It's clearly too late now. We wouldn't want to break curfew now would we? Don't laugh. I really don't want to until I manage to either appease or get rid of D. Seriously though, there is no way in hell that I'll go see the guy one-on-one. A Harry out of reach of his pathetically-skinny-fingerlike-claws is a happy Harry. Ok, that was a bit much… it only makes for a non-desperately-unhappy Harry, but really if you compare that to my mood-average at Hogwarts it's an improvement!

So yeah… as long as he keeps it simple I ain't going.

It'll be harder from now on, though. With classes being attended I am going to become a fair deal more predictable and _that_ scares me a little. The good news is that I talked to B… Hey! That's actually a good idea. I'll apply the concept to everyone around here! It'll make me feel like I'm James Bond all the more! What was I saying again? Guess it's time to fish one of those mini apple-pies I took at dinner for times like this. Mmh. It's even better when you eat one in your bed.

Ah yeah! B! I talked to him and we agreed to trade skills!

I wanted to teach him occlumency at first but it turns out that he is already an adept. Better that way I think. I don't want anyone finding out about our sessions and it would have taken time to bring him up to par. Time that clearly isn't here to be had since Hogwarts is going to be flooded with foreign wizards and witches in a matter of days. It wouldn't surprise me if a third of Durmstrang were at least at B's level and I know for a fact that it's a highly recommended skill for those that take the NEWTs equivalent in Runes at Beauxbatons.

It's no wonder the French have the better enchanters nowadays. It won't last, though.

I'm pretty sure that you are listening to Britain's next Merlin right now. Enchanting-wise, of course. My head isn't big enough to compare myself to him in red magic or black magic and the very idea of equaling him in green and pink magic is laughable. So, because occlumency is out and I didn't fancy telling about my wandless magic, we settled for advanced Runecrafting. He understands singular uses already but doesn't grasp the rules for combining them.

As payment he gets to teach me all about little stunts like the one he pulled over Malfoy yesterday.

I can't wait to get my first fool! B is really a decent guy for a pureblood. I think we can even be friends as long as there is still benefit for both parts. And taking into account just how far ahead each of us is in certain fields I don't think it'll be a problem for the next thirty years or so. I enjoy his dry humor in particular. My sarcasm tends to drop from my lips so heavily that it astounds and shames the other guy. But when B comes up with something, you don't know if he is serious or not.

Well, that's the impression I got at least. It's only been a day.

Anyway, we had the first class and B was respectively impressed and disgusted at my rune-knowledge and my social-skills. We both made some real progress and we only had two hours at that! Next séance is Wednesday as we'll have history of magic then and B gathers that the professor assigned to the first years is the same that his parents had. Which isn't that surprising as the guy is a ghost. I wonder how old he is. Maybe he was there for most of what he teaches? That would be wicked! But anyway, what I wanted to say is that as the guy is a ghost his awareness isn't too great and you can even leave class without him noticing.

Let's be honest here. It doesn't matter if he is good. I'm eleven. If I can get away with it I'll do it.

Hum… What else happened today? Oh yes! I explored some more of the castle with my assistant! Not the dungeons as I know where the entrance is now. It's behind a common wall with no particular sign. I have to admit that it's clever. But then again it's a necessity as the three other houses seem to hold a lot of grudge against the snakes. I understand them. The password is weird by the way. I heard rumors about how Slytherins' morals are something else but having to shout "_take me_ as I am" in Latin as a way to announce oneself is starting to creep me out.

So, not the dungeons.

We mostly went to the first to fourth floors. And _every single_ staircase has got some sort of trap on it! Were the guys obsessive or what? I'm really starting to relax some around Assistant. Don't get me wrong, she _is_ insane. I couldn't see it at first but now it's very clear. Aside from her disturbing tendency to shatter classical-movies' behavior-patterns, she has this strong suicidal streak she shares with her friend. She told me that the both of them went to the forbidden corridor just to see what was in it. Oh, she added some nonsense about doing it because she thought it was likely the less dangerous location from Dumbles' list…

But I can see the glint in her eyes.

I think I could fix her if given enough time so I'll keep her until it starts endangering me. I'm pretty sure that trouble is going to find me before long with Black still running free, so there is really no need to add to the pile on my own. If she tries to drag me into some insane crap she is out. No matter how good-looking… er… the contrast… of our hairs, yes, is for external observers? Somehow I feel like I'm sinking. Maybe I should try to use occlumency to program myself into being sane again? I swear the place is starting to affect me.

Back to important facts!

So they went there because they thought it would be safer than the forest. And despite what happened I'm not quite sure that they were in the wrong. So after arriving at the door, or so they tell me, they were stumped. It was locked. _Obviously_ I thought, being my naïve self. Who restricts an area only to leave access to it wide open? Well, wizards of course! Apparently Hannah is very good, compared to normal people at least, at charms and she knew an unlocking charm. That was _second-year_ material! And it _worked_! Why didn't they put that grounding rune I saw earlier on the damn door? I doubt students could get rid of _that_.

Well, I could but I'm a genius. And more importantly I'm not stupid enough to try.

But the both of them entered the room, as petty things like death-warnings don't affect them. I mean, granted, it came from the barmy-one, but still! And what was inside do you ask? A Cerberus! As in keeper-of-the-gates-of-hell Cerberus! As I said, I'm agnostic. But I do know for a fact that the Greek gods existed in one form or another. Hell, I'm wearing a magical amulet from the Potter-vault with Hermes', the patron of wizards, mark on it right about now! Does it matter if they were gods, powerful wizards or spirits of nature? Of course it doesn't. And the scariest of them all, if not the one with the most power, had one of those guarding his domain!

Why do I feel like I lost ten years of life-expectancy when I wasn't even there?

So yeah, exploring with the both of them at the same time is a big no-no. Maybe once I fix my assistant, I can take a look at the other one. But I certainly won't meet with her before that. At least I think I'm getting through to the red-head. Near-death experiences do have some positive outcomes that aren't related to necromancy. Who would have guessed? Not that I fool myself with thinking the girl will keep her path straight for long if I am not there to look threatening and stern when she comes up with genetically-ingrained stupid ideas like that.

Wizards and Witches, mostly witches I'd say, don't seem to get the difference between stupid rules and rules made to keep stupid people alive.

That's fine by me as a whole. But I don't want to start getting attached to one just to have him or her die for such an aberrant reason. I know for a fact that you get over it. I saw Dudley bury way too many pets not so far from where I myself disposed of my experiments' remains not to know it. But I'm not Dudley. I don't want my pet to be chewed by a giant three-headed and most likely fire-breathing dog. It's a much more useful pet than a goldfish.

So I'm a sentimental man. So sue me.

I think I'll stop reading now. I'm way too restless to see imaginary Pratchett characters run for their lives on my bed and stay calm myself. He is quite good, though. I personally think that his ideas about the Multiverse should be quite close to the truth. In fact, I like to see the muggle point of view about things as often as possible. They tend to actually think about things before they go around stating facts about it. And they tend to try and prove what they say rather than making _educated guesses_. I think that that's another reason why the French and, to an extent, the Spanish tend to be better Enchanters.

With the Black-terror and the Inquisition, they got used to carefulness.

Well, maybe not. It certainly is true for muggles but wizardkind wasn't as affected by those with apparating and all. I guess that we'll know soon enough. I'll just ask one of them when they come for the tournament. And I'll go ahead and ask some random Durmstrang student why they are better at ritualism in the East while I am at it. Somehow, I don't think they'll now either. I know that _I_ have no idea why Britain is better at potions and transfiguration.

Maybe if I lived there for some time?

But no. Even my genius has limits. I don't speak French and I hear that, aside from German it's the hardest language in all of Europe to learn. If it tops Greek, which doesn't even use the same alphabet, then I don't want to even try. There are horrible tales in the muggle world. They say that their exceptions' exceptions have exceptions. More exceptions than rules they say. It gives me chills. I can't, anyway. It's too close to Britain and I realized today that I can't change my name.

Because I know what the snitch I have does now.

It's even better than what I imagined. It's linked to Hogwarts, so I think that either a Potter stole it or made it, gave it to Hogwarts for them to use and his descendants claimed it back when he passed away. I can't blame them either way. It's truly a treasure. Only someone that caught the little fellow in an official Hogwarts match or someone that carries the name of someone who did can use it. As I don't plan to give it back to the school, I must remain a Potter. What it does though is the really surprising part. On command it can grow enough for it to open and fit a grown adult in it. It's like a spaceship inside with levers and all. You can pilot it. And it shrinks human beings with itself.

Without killing them even!

Shrinking charms don't usually work on humans. Or anything alive, really. But that thing does it. You think that's incredible? So did I, until I realized something _more_. It's _gold_! Enchanted to resist _anything_! It's _immune_ to magic! It cans go _through wards_! And _take me with it_! I think you get it now… I could, and most likely will, rob purebloods I dislike blind! There is nothing but wards to stop theft in their homes. All those abandoned enchanting tomes that are going to waste right now… all the unknown rune arrays I can look at without setting up.

I'm happy.

I think it's time to diagnostic the other artifacts I have, by the way. If there is anything in the same category it'll be more than worth the hassle. I can see my survival chances growing by the minute. The only downside is that having the snitch makes one of the other artifacts that I know the purpose of next to useless. A returner. Don't confuse with time-turner. It kind of uses time too, but not in a time-altering kind of way. You activate it a first time somewhere, and when you activate it again it brings you back to the exact same place by skipping you back. Like a video-tape. But only you. Time on the universal level is not affected, but you return to the original spot exactly in the same way you were when first used.

A wizard can extend his life by up to forty years with it by rejuvenating the body before the strain becomes too much.

It can help cure fatal wounds or illnesses, too. But the main use is as a way to pass wards. Let's say you are invited at a party, taking place inside Malfoy Manor. You can't visit the more interesting places during the party and even if you can it's not a good time to play with the people inside, as they are awake. So once inside the wards you, like the genius you are, activate the device for the first time. Then you enjoy the party, insult some purebloods, get thrown out and wait. And wait some more. Until there is nobody left and Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy along with their sexually confused and confusing spawn go get the rest of the not-so-righteous.

Then you activate it again.

Look! You are in their home now! Past the wards. You are even five hours younger to boot… The downside is that, of course, you are hungry again since all the canapés and the champagne vanished from your stomach. But that's not really a problem is it? You'll just have to loot their pantry with the rest of the house! But best to eat it quick… Unless you want it to get out when you slit their throats while they sleep.

Such beautiful thoughts. I think that I'll take a six-hours-nap now. Sweet dreams!

Or not. You didn't think I was going to complain as little as I did about D did you? Because I'm clearly not finished with her! I mean, I respect her and all that. I don't think there's anyone who doesn't now. She is quite witty when she wants to. Sharp little tongue and sharper little insults. Which is most likely why I'm ranting right now. That, and I just ate the last of my emergency anti-mind-wandering supply. It'll be a nightmare tomorrow! What was I saying again? Ah yes! I'm still mad because she quite simply dominated the whole conversation. And B says that we won't be covering insults as I appear to be adequate with those already (it surprised him!) and that the kind of threats that D used won't do me any good as long as I am only a male.

He added that normal threats would only be for November! November!

With the rising number of idiots around me I'll surely need them much earlier! Probably even tomorrow as it's my first class with Lockhart! I saw him single out a random nobody at his promo for the only reason that he had written an article for the amateur section of Witch Weekly. How Lockhart even suspected it was him, I'll never know. If I gathered it right, the guy used a pseudonym. Can't say I envy him… being revealed as such in front of two hundred shoppers when you are a middle-aged man and the article was about wall-decoration…

But my point is, if he can rip so much benefit from humiliating an almost perfect nobody…

…just how long will it take for him to try a repeat performance on world-famous and handsome certified genius Harry James Potter? Not too long, that's for sure. So yeah, I lied about D. If I'm still awake it's mostly because I'm having panic-attacks. God, I hate pink mages! Every single thing wrong in my life can be tracked back to one. Every. Single. One. I already told about Dumbledore of course, about how he used his charisma and his political allies as backing to get me shipped to Dursleyland.

But he isn't the only one.

Voldemort himself is the second best there was in Britain. How do you think he went about recruiting? Pink magic can boost terror tactics in ways you can't even imagine. And he wasn't bad at buttering people either if what I hear is the truth. The only thing that he most likely lacks is empathy. That's what makes old Dumbles number one. He has empathy mastered. But I think he just chooses not to care. Damn. Four a.m. already? That just won't do. I need to be at least somewhat fresh to escape from everyone after my hide tomorrow.

I use a delayed shocking-charm set to seven a.m. and prepare myself. With a quick twist of my wand I feel myself blacking out. Stunned.


	5. Mapping the difficulties

**AN(13 August 09): **I must say that I'm a little disapointed with the reactions (or lack thereof) to the last chapter. The number of readers dropped and so did the number of reviews. It's not up to where I would like it to be. It will most likely not be a good thing for the story, but against my better judgement I'm posting this chapter now. The number of readers by day drops so much after day two that waiting more would just achieve nothing. Anyway, I can't disapoint those who do like the story so on with it. Thanks to HinekoAkahi for his betawork and for his contribution to this chapter's and the next's plots.

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Just kill me right now. I'm begging you here! I just can't take even another second of this. So, ok, I already knew that the classes would be boring. But this is abuse! I seriously didn't think that the only upside of this place would be it's library! I was all like _there is no way that they'll just explain what's in the textbooks __and leave it__ at that_. _If some people are that slow they'll surely split the class in two or something_. It's not like they are lacking teachers! But noooo! They just read what's written out loud, translate it in Troll for those that didn't get it the first time, and then it's practice-time.

What the hell?

They even refused to answer questions about more advanced material! Bun-woman, the transfiguration teacher for now, even scolded me when I did. She accused me of trying to show of! _Me_! Isn't _she_ the one that started the class by shifting out of her animagus form? Isn't _she_ the one that changed her desk into a pig and back for no apparent reason? I would understand if she had commanded it to go to another place before changing it back. That way if she is so incompetent in charms that she can't levitate the desk she can still move it where she wants to. But it was right back. One flick following the other. Vap and Vousch!

Desk, pig, desk.

At least the gnome in charms was somewhat polite about it. _Oh, I'm truly sorry mister Potter; but we don't have time to discuss that particular theory until fifth year! I can recommend some books though…_ I already did the reading! How would I even know about it if I hadn't? Seriously, what is wrong with these people? You can't discuss interesting things, you can't do anything but the assignment, and you can't read anything but the textbooks during class… How did they know by the way? I had charmed all my extra stuff to look like the regular books.

Maybe it would have been more discreet with only one book on the desk?

And now they'll check for it every time. And most likely warn the others all about it! I hate my life. That's a month of last-resort preparations going vanishing in smoke. I swear, if I could get the money my parents spent for me to attend Hogwarts back I would be in Salem already. Assistant and B be damned! And frankly, when you know how much of a genius I am, and how boring the classes are, can you blame me for animating little army-men, for making them charge around and climb on random students?

If her glare is any indication, D can.

Oddly I can't seem to care. Having half a dozen green miniature soldiers in her hair and thirty more launching a cohesive assault on her legs, which are pretty by the way, makes her look that much less of a threat. Though I do feel sorry for the ones she beheaded or dismembered in various other ways. That can't have been pleasant. Somehow, I don't think she studied a lot of red magic because she didn't even try to burn them or do anything similar.

Or maybe it's just that for some unknown reason she doesn't want Bun-woman to know.

After all, she could be calling her for help right now. And she isn't doing it. Oh look! She just successfully transfigured her match into a perfect needle! And she pinned a poor sergeant to the table. It's struggling but if you consider just how much of a strength boost she gained from her murderous rage, it isn't likely to get free anytime soon. It's amusing in a way, but I always thought that my survival instinct was really strong. I guess I was always wrong because I know for a fact that I'm going to pay shortly for today's happenstances.

Dearly.

And I don't think that boredom alone could bring me that far. So, why am I doing it? I don't know. It feels right somehow and it confuses me. Well, it doesn't matter, I guess. I'll just need to be extra-careful in the following days. Still, she fought with courage and passion. And she didn't tell on me. That has to count for something, right? I'll just give her some peace now. Maybe they should all go for Malfoy? I send them. If he tries to call the show-off that projects her feelings on others, I'll just instantly melt them all and make him look stupid.

It looks like D doesn't know if she wants to be relieved or keep angry.

I give her a wink. Yeah, I know. I have a death wish. But that reminds of another thing that B said yesterday. I can't keep calling Malfoy girlish-boy. Because that would just cause problems later. But I can't call him Malfoy either because that would be a sign of great respect in the light of me calling everybody else by nicknames. So he needs a nickname too. One that doesn't make fun of him. Which is hard. His name starts with D too I think… and D is D already… how about little D or small D? Short D maybe? I don't think he can object to any of the three.

D _is_ bigger than him after all.

I lost track of my thoughts again. _This _I didn't mess up. All my emergency rations are under a meter-wide notice me not field. I almost just covered the rations but then I realized that people would still see me eating. They just wouldn't have been able to say exactly what. It would have been somewhat funny to see what they would have answered when I would have asked just what they thought I was eating, but the hypocrites would probably have gone with a "_That hardly matters mister Potter! And ten points for your cheek!_" and be done with it.

Nazis, the lot of them!

Bun-woman finally stopped talking. About time. Now it's lunch and the joys of Lockhart in all his blazing neon-white glory. It'll be hard, and let's be honest here, the casualties will be appalling. But I, at least, intend to survive the experience with most of my self-esteem still intact. If I need to burn his shoes and vanish his pants to manage that then so be it! I'm not the regular eleven year old that you can bully when you feel like it.

Hey! Where is everybody?

Damn it! I knew that marmalade-toasts were too slow acting to be of any help! I'll stick with the mini apple-pies after lunch then. Well, there is really no point in staying in an empty classroom without doing anything like that… So out of here! I pick my stuff quickly and go for the door. I step out and…Argh! … and I'm brutally slammed against a wall. "What in Merlin's name took you so long Potter?!" Well, I'm not going to answer _that_, whoever it is that is asking doesn't matter. Oh! It's D! "Never mind that D. I know you can't keep your hands off of me but I am afraid that I am the tender-love type… so if you could let me go…"

Hey was that a blush?

"What did you say?!" Now that's just sad. "Look, it's way too late to start acting like a good snake now. Following the hissing rule _now_ just reminds everybody of how you ignored it _then_!" She looks lost for a moment. It's one of the very first stages of depression, I hear. Maybe I should try to convince the others to keep her? On trial basis, mind you. "It may be hard to believe Potter, but I don't have time to listen to the crazy things that sprout from your mouth right now!"

Isn't bargaining supposed to be somewhere between denial and anger?

No matter. I'll just go with the flow. "Fine then. What do you want?" Yep! That's definitely the anger stage! "What do I want? What do I want? I want to know what your problem with me is!" Well, that's a tough one. Best to be honest about it. "I was wondering about the very same thing in fact… but I can't seem to come up with a reasonable explanation. Don't worry though, if you give me one or two months to experiment and test theories I'm sure I can reach an agreeable conclusion."

She looks really mad now. Both ways.

Luckily she seems to realize it too. She just took a deep breath. That's good. "Lets start with questions suited to morons then, Potter. Why did you send an army or weird little animated toys against me?" Can't be honest about _that_. She doesn't look like the gossipy kind but with girls you can't really know for sure. "Animation? Surely you jest! Isn't that a NEWT skill? Am I not a muggle-raised halfblood? Do I look like I'm a genius or something?" She thinks about it for a second and let me go.

Now I feel insulted. Is she implying that I don't look like a genius?

"I better not be able to link you to any future incidents if you treasure your life Potter. Are we clear?" I almost laughed when she choose incident rather than problem or attack. As it is I just nod happily with a slight grin. I guess I do look like I could be a genius if she is still half-suspicious of me like that. "Bye D!" She doesn't turn back and just keeps stalking down the corridor. Ok, lunch it is then!

I walk maybe ten meters before someone grabs me again and drags me into an alcove.

How annoying. I look at my aggressor, or should I say at my aggressors? The twins that Assistant talked about the other day are holding one of my arms each and doing their best to look threatening. I'm unfazed of course. It wouldn't take me a second to get rid of them and neither of them even have their wand out yet. "_You_! – Young man! – It is _you_! – The very one! – That pranked Snape!" They pause dramatically. You have got to give them credit for theatrics at the very least. I should start building the animation up. While not as bothersome as gold could have been, the armor suits around here are iron and it's moderately magic-resistant.

"Please teach us!"

How… well, how abnormal. My scapegoats don't seem to mind being my scapegoats all that much. They look a lot like my fan-boy, too. Maybe that's it! They are mad purebloods instead of stupid purebloods like their relative! The way their twinspeak reminds me of Wonderland characters only confirms it. The book is, in fact, a warning against the wizarding world. _Visit either you like; they're both mad. – But I don't want to go among mad people! – Oh you can't help that! We are all mad here! _Hum… cracker time it would seem.

"So I'll take that as indication that you didn't mind being blamed?

The one of my right is frowning now. But his face clears as soon as the other one mumbles something for only him to ear. "Of course not! It's so rare to find quality pranksters nowadays!" So they thought it was just for fun? I can live with that. "What are a hundred detentions in face of the eternal glory?" Ok, they are really weird. A hundred? And they didn't attack yet? Maybe they realize just how skilled I must be to pull something like that of?

"Anyway – Back to business! – You are a Slytherin right? – Member of a house of people who trade all the time, yes?"

I nod slowly. I don't think that they have skills to trade like with B but who really knows? I might as well hear them out. "You see – my young friend – our dream is- to open a joke-shop. – And for that – to happen – every single thing helps. – So teach us – what you did to Snape – please. – And in exchange, we – will reveal to you – all of Hogwarts – most guarded secrets!" Well, that's a big no-no… but it was worth a shot… Wait! "You said that you wanted to have a successful joke-shop right?"

They nod.

"And that's why you are always pulling pranks right? To be famous enough to have a decent chance of blowing the competition when you hit the market right?" They nod again. Now all starts to make sense. "Then how about I let you have the credit for anything I pull? That would boost your future sales right? Shouldn't that be enough?" They are grinning now and for a second I think that I got them. But it turns feral pretty soon. "Ah but little one – do you mean that if we disagree – you will claim them – as your own?"

The false expressions of sadness on their faces are quite infuriating.

"I think we all know that I won't. For the simple reason that I have nothing to gain and all to lose doing so." I can see victory in their eyes. Time to squash it like an annoying mosquito. "But I don't like pranking, even if my talent for doing so appears to be considerable. What I did to Snape was just a distraction to avoid him." Yes. They are mine now. Sorry guys! "I could, of course, try and do it anyway if you do keep your end of the bargain… Think of it as an investment. The more I know the more impressive I can be right?"

They lost and they know it.

What I just did wasn't pink magic. I didn't use the tone of voice very carefully, I didn't pick my words so much as they picked me, and I didn't order my sentences in any particular way. I just won a bargain because my arguments were the best and we all know it. They hold almost nothing and all the biggest cards are up my sleeves. But lets see what they have left. "But you don't look like you are more than fourth year… how could you know all that much about this place anyway? Are you trying to pull a fast one over me?"

I almost expect them to start denying like I accused them of murder.

But they just grin. Do they really have that much info? I guess they must to be the top in their area around here. One of them just pulled something from his pocket. It's… a piece of parchment? The other took his wand and muttered something. What the hell? It's… it's a map! Of Hogwarts! And it's interactive it seems! Now _that _is almost gold. I lick my lips. "How about this, one great prank per month minimum credited on the amazing whatever-your-names-are and you let me borrow that for a year or until I manage to replicate it, whichever comes first?"

Twin number one is wide eyes.

"You think you could replicate it?!" Ouch! Twin number two just shoved his elbow in number one guts. "What my dear brother means is that, seeing how priceless this particular artifact is, we couldn't accept less than once per week and a extra-replica of our own if you ever manage added to the right to take it temporarily back at anytime we have something major going ourselves." Damn but this one knows how to bargain! "Once a moth, the replica and the instructions about how to make one for other places if possible and I let open the option of sharing a couple of tricks once we all trust each other more. I'm afraid that your last request I can't guarantee but you are free to ask at anytime."

"Deal!"

It takes two minutes for them to instruct me in the map's utilization. The thing is amazing! I think that I just evened the odds of my game of tag with Snape. Of course, I'm still worried about Lockhart. I can most likely escape easily enough from him, but I see him twice a week in class and he, unlike Snape, won't see recruiting minions as beneath him. So yeah… both are pretty much equally dangerous but with the map on my side, gaining an edge over neon-white-fangs is a priority.

So… lunch!

There's the hall. And all that's left are desserts. Well, it's not like I don't know were the kitchens are since I have the map now. I always wondered why we always eat dessert after the meal. I do understand why we don't eat both at the same time. That's just disgusting. But why not before? Is it because the best is supposed to always come last? But what if one day the meal is really great? Or the dessert really lame? It just doesn't make any sense. I tell B as much. He is looking at me weirdly now. But then again, he still is a pureblood… conventions before logic is their motto.

I don't really have a problem with conventions.

But conventions seem to have a problem with logic. And logic is like my best friend, or something. Logic and me, we stick together. We are friends with benefits! But you knew that already, didn't you? After all, what kind of genius doesn't do logic? I know I do her all the time. Damn, I am starting to get immune to this place's food or something? Best to walk faster towards the kitchens. Here we are. I tickle the pear and enter. Damn but that's a lot of elves!

"Welcome little master! What is yous willing?"

Discovery of the day. No matter how much you read about them, hearing and seeing elves is not something normal human beings are prepared for. The squeaky voice added to the language quirks, the semi-nudity and the disproportional appendages is almost a guarantee for a good laugh. Which is too bad for me since I don't fancy offending They-who-provide-the-food. Holding back my chuckles at their cartoon-like ways is almost painful.

"Hum… just… just…hrmr… just give me some leftovers from the meal please. Nothing sweet if you would."

I take a good look at the map while I eat. It's definitely a piece of complex magic and I only have a year to figure it out. Better start with the diagnostic charms. _Magia revelio_. Nothing. I whistle. The guy who made that thing must have been really good at concealment magic if it doesn't even appear as magical to a diagnostic. I start to feel the parchment. There. The thing itself is inert as it is but there is a link to the wards. If I had to guess I'd say that it serves the double-purpose of updating it constantly and of being an activation trigger that isn't tied to the object itself. When you say the password, or pass-sentence really, Hogwarts herself loans the magic needed to make it work.

Which unfortunately means that the thing won't work outside the grounds.

That means two month less to crack the code. Which in turn means less sleeping-time this year. Yeah… I'm kind of obsessive like that. I chose to see it as a quality though. I activate the thing. Yeah, I can feel the magic now… But how did the guy do it? Obviously the map takes the info it needs directly from the monitoring part of the wards. But how can it do that with charms? You _can't_ activate and deactivate a charm. That's why we still use runes nowadays. Runes can be activated or deactivated as long as the guy who carved the basic runic array planned it that way. Most do, so as not to consume too much magic.

But where are the runes then?

With objects like the sorting hat it's easy enough to see if you look carefully. Form-magic doesn't care much about essence, so just putting odd and apparently-random tears in the fabric could have been enough. Maybe it's just thread embroidered in the inside? I don't much care for now. The damn thing is square so the form of the object is out. And I can't see ant gravures on it. I suppose it could be that Hogwarts is the thing that the guy tampered with before bounding the piece of paper by using ritualism but the Headmaster would have known.

Unless a Headmaster made it?

No, no, no! I mustn't let these people corrupt my mind. Why think of conspiracies and forgotten magics when there must be much simpler explanations around? Well, of course the map's creator was a wizard… But there will be time later for paranoia. What would I do? Hum... most likely just draw runes on the back of the thing. But I can't see anything on the back. Let's think some more. There is a pass-sentence. That means that whomever the enchanter was wanted to conceal it's true purpose. But any magical form of concealment would still be sensed as magic. What I would have done would have been to put a lot of useless functions out of the concealment to make people think that the stuff was magical but useless.

But the map's creator obviously didn't go that way.

Something subtle then. How do you conceal ink-runes without using magic? Wait! Ink… ink… ink… magic… magic… magic… ink-magic… magical-ink? That's it! What a devious little muggle-raised we have here! It shows that the map isn't very old, too. _Suboculus_. With the spell to allow me to see under my normal spectrum I confirm my theory. The bastard used magical ink. Also know as invisible ink. Lemon juice is the first that comes to mind but there are quite a lot that work just as well. A true genius he or she was. Trust wizards to never even think of it.

Unfortunately there is still a lot of work ahead.

The array in the map's back is quite complex and is based on Celtic runes, most likely to link it with Hogwarts more easily. The problem is that Celtic runes are crude when compared to Nordic, Egyptian or even Mayan runes. I won't even compare them to oriental glyphs as those don't even work in the same way. So yeah… as most archaic things tend to be, Celtic runes don't have that much good books to be learned from. And that means that I'm no good with them since Hogwarts' library is probably the only place in England where I can access one. Don't get me wrong, I have some stuff from the Potter-vault, but it's not the basics. Only advanced stuff.

So yeah… that's a lot of sleep flying away from me.

Time for Defence now. I hope that He-whose-smile-is-unnatural won't go too hard on me the first day. Yeah, right. I would probably have as much luck wishing for Black to suddenly wake up and decide to do his godfather-duty after a decade hating my guts. Somehow, I don't see _that_ happening either. But what do I know?


	6. 180 reasons I should stay away from you

Hey there! As I said to some of you I had some difficulties to start chapter six and now chapter eight. Not a real blank but still annoying as hell. I relized after I posted chapter five that I never mentioned it before but the status of the chapters can be seen in my profile. What else... well, I wasn't too happy with this chapter when I sent it to Hineko (who is a girl by the way... got quite the hearful by calling her a he last time...) but I just went through it again and I can't find anything wrong now... Go figure. Well, let's start then!

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I feel queasy. Not very good at all. Maybe it's from eating sweets and then the actual meal. Maybe it's from the perspective of having class with the wonderful professor Lockhart. I don't really care as long as it gives me an excuse to get the hell out of here. Well, I wouldn't care. As it is, I care very much because I know that if I miss the first lesson it'll be that much worse when I do attend. So yeah, condemned to spend an afternoon with him and a stomach-ache. I wait in front of the defence classroom with a growing feeling of dread.

It vanishes when I see Malfoy coming straight at me, obviously looking for a fight.

"Hey Potter! You are not looking so good. What's up? Finally realized how much of a disgrace you are to the school and Slytherin?" That's a fine show of arrogance if I ever saw one. And I did, God is my witness. It's almost enough to make me feel better. It gives me enough strength to reply in kind. "Sorry… did you say something little D? I was busy contemplating my greatness and feeling sad for the likes of you that can't quite grasp it in its whole glorious totality." Oh yes! I got him good. He is so red that if you pass by him fast enough you'll mistake him for a Gryfindor.

B doesn't look happy though. Damage control then.

"Hey there is no need to feel insulted with your nickname really! It's just that I can't call you D as there is already D that I call D. And she is taller than you… I suppose that I could call you D and call her big D but I don't think that it would go well at all. She wasn't even happy with princess. What kind of girl doesn't like being called princess, I wonder? But yeah… unless you would like to be called princess? No? Yeah, I didn't think so. But anyway, what did you want again?"

Why are they all staring at me?

B just face-palmed. Does it mean that I'm going to have remedial lessons? On the other hand, D is plainly disbelieving. Do they actually think that I am that bad? Well, I am. I just followed my first reflex. But I could have stopped myself. I just didn't. Because there isn't anything that works quite as well for confusion tactics than just saying the first thing that I feel like I should say. Turn your weaknesses into your greatest strengths and all that.

The mix of expressions on little D's face is quite amusing.

But I'm not done. B isn't going to be happy about it but it'll help me to calm my nerves. "Are you alright little D? You don't look so good… Do you want me to show you the way to the infirmary? It wouldn't be good for you to get lost in the state you are in." Yeah. His expression isn't mixed anymore! I cured him! It's a miracle! Alleluia! The prophet has returned! Where was I again? Oh yeah! Potter 2 Little D 0. Hey, where did I put my rations again? Best to have them handy.

Here comes Lockhart.

No time to waste then. I pick my seat carefully so as to not draw too much attention but still be able to escape easily from the room if need be. Unfortunately the seat in question is the one next to D. Too bad, so sad. I'm not a regular teenager, but like most of them, I would rather take my chance with possible bodily harm than with possible humiliation. The fact that, in the wizarding world, limbs can be regrown, which can't be said of standing, is the deciding factor.

She looks at me with morbid fascination. Clearly unable to believe that I'm doing it.

"You better be _very _careful of what you do if you sit here Potter. One fool around me is quite enough already." I nod. There's no denying that we all have more important things to think about right now. I know for a fact that I'll be a target, but she is too, to a lesser extent. After all, only morons fall for the guy's manipulations. As she is not part of that wide ranged category, she is automatically in the other one. With Lockhart's kind of people you are either a resource or a customer. "Cease fire then? During his classes at least?" She agrees.

Which is good as I'm pretty sure that she could make me a very easy target if she tried.

There _would_ be payback of course but… She nodded. Almost disappointed it would seem. Guess I'm not the only one that enjoys a good conflict around here. Or she just doesn't really trust me. Equal chances. But as said before, there would be plenty of time to examine such matters later. Now was the time for peace. "Think I should go pre-emptive on him?" She looks thoughtful. Of course, I know that she will say go ahead. She has nothing to lose from it herself and everything to gain. She nods.

I'll just get him in the middle of his speech then.

Something simple. Something classic. What about that skeleton in the left corner of the room? Isn't that a manticore? Does it even really matter? I am pretty sure that a mouse skeleton would have him squealing for help. Whatever that thing is will most likely make him faint one second after I animate it. How he even gathered enough courage to bring it in the classroom in the first place is somewhat of a mystery. Maybe he asked the elves and had a notice-me-not charm keyed on him put on it?

Even if that's true, he will have to notice it when it gives him small taps on the shoulder. Cartoons are great inspiration.

Of course, it's better to actually use my wand and mutter the words to animate it. We don't want D to understand just how good we are, do we? I wait for the right moment and give it a try. _Belis anima_. I'm pretty sure that this incantation isn't true Latin but it works anyway. And now D is glaring at me. Oh yeah. I let her believe that I didn't know how to animate. Huh… guess that the truce will only apply to Defence then. No time to think of that. If I don't laugh like the rest when the enemy runs screaming in fright I'll be suspicious.

Here it goes.

Any moment now. Maybe I went overboard by making it walk on the tip of its toes but that way I'm free of the twins for the rest of the month. Wow, did that really happen? I turn to D in amazement to confirm that I'm not dreaming. She looks shocked too. I pinch her. She pinches me back, quite hard I must say. How is that even possible? The guy was tripping on his own feet just Friday and now he pulls something like that? He, for all intents and purposes heard my toy moving, turned around with lightning-fast reflexes and turned it to dust!

Dust!

He turned a magical skeleton to dust just like that. Non-verbally at that! Just wow! Maybe the term _priority concern_ doesn't really describe the seriousness of the situation if the guy feels like I deserve to be humiliated a bit. He's talking now. "Good afternoon class, I'm professor Lockhart. As you see, whoever tried that little stunt helped me to demonstrate today's lesson in a very spectacular way. A wizard's best friend in combat situation is his wand. And to use one's wand with any chance of success, good reflexes and general awareness are a must. Most creatures of Darkness are a great deal faster than humans. It is therefore our objective this term to try and get you all more aware of your surroundings and ready to react to it at the very least."

That guy is my hero!

Was it all a mask before? To lull his enemies into a false sense of security maybe? I really hope that that's it because I sure as hell can't do much against the likes of him without some serious preparations. And most likely a lot of luck. "However, that will only take half of our time. While we will spend Monday's lessons working on that part, Friday's lessons will be dedicated to learning spells for combat situation. Both direct effects and indirect effects. There will be one essay per week, assigned on Friday and due on Monday about possible utilisations of the spells discussed. A minimal length of four feet of parchment each time."

That's fine by me and I don't think that D, or B for that matter, are complaining either.

"As you may have read in my books, a great deal of luck is always involved when one survives an encounter with the Dark and its servants…" The guy is badmouthing himself? Did one of the Potion Masters force-feed him truth serum or something? I read the books. It was painful to read. And painfully obvious that the man was arrogant to the point of delirium. Dazzle a werewolf with one's smile? Well, I guess that _he_ could with those freakish things inside his mouth. Maybe the poor thing's eyes couldn't adapt from the total darkness to the fucking lighthouse of Alexandria.

Still, if he keeps it up like that it'll be one pink mage that I actually respect!

"…and that is why, without being able to rely on luck, you should all try to avoid danger if possible and call professional assistance. As we all know, sometimes, you will be unable to do so. If such a situation arises you will instead rely on the skills I will try to transmit you here until such a time when you can flee and call for help. Let us hope that it will be enough."

I still don't get it, how can he be so good?

I mean, it's true that the methods in his books would work very well for the most part… but there is a lot of extra that just makes the story fishy. More like a romance novel than a description of facts and techniques. And it's really not textbook-like at all. I don't like fishy things. They smell funny and I think I already made my point about that. But hey, it's not like I am a Gryffindor right? I don't fancy mysteries (unless I am the one being all mysterious, it's a lot of fun then), but I don't crave for answers either.

I can live perfectly fine without knowing what's up with Lockhart sudden case of schizophrenia.

I'll just need to keep my distances from him. It doesn't matter that he just turned into an actual Defence against the Dark Arts' expert. It really wouldn't do to become his best student, his heir even, and just as quickly have him change back to waste-of-air mode and stab me in the back. I already have my fellow Slytherins for that. It could even be worse than just that scenario. It could easily be something far more nefarious than the all too common craziness of the wizarding world striking again.

No, I'm not being paranoid again.

You just wait and see. I'm sure that Black will do something to warrant all my cautiousness by the end of the year. "Would you care to repeat to the class what I just said mister Potter?" Oups! Busted! Time to get creative I guess. "Why would I do that when I can easily expand on it? Thus avoiding a very bored class?" His left eyebrow rose quite high. That's what experience and pink magic do to you. The right one didn't even twitch! If it wasn't so obvious that the guy has got issues I think that I would send Assistant to take lessons with him.

But I _did_ read somewhere that being molested affects a woman's productivity at work…

Better not to risk it then. Can't afford to fall back on schedule with the new realities of the market. There just isn't enough time for that. Maybe I should go on. He seems kind of anxious. I can tell by the way he is sipping his black tea without even adding any sugar. "While your proposed methods are of unquestionable value for all the reasons you yourself stated…" Nice and vague. No need to show to anyone but him that I have no idea about what he was talking about. "… I think that you put less than enough emphasis on the importance of ways of recognizing the danger which is I think an essential step to put anything else in application."

I didn't think that I had it in me.

And he seems to even accept it. I think that he is even mildly amused in fact. He isn't the only one. D's face is full of wonder. Even B is impressed. Little D is not but what can I do? I'm not certain that he knows about half the words I used… "Indeed. A most welcome observation of your part mister Potter. Unfortunately, our schedule is rather full as it is and, as the already discussed points are the ones that demand the most of our time to show improvements, we will only start threat identification in your second year."

He keeps going and I try to focus on him now. Who knows what he'll do otherwise?

He talks a lot. That's still the same from last time. But his mannerisms are a good deal more those you would expect of a pureblood now than what you are used to see in TV shows' spoke persons like it was before. This doesn't make any sense. If it was some sort of way to fool his enemies before, then why drop it now? Granted, it would be hard to teach without dropping the mask. But then why still wear it during the feast?

Let's just think about something else. This is getting me nowhere.

How about the prank for the twins? I need a new one since this one failed in a rather miserable way. It's better like this in fact. I hadn't thought of a way to sign their name all over it. The first thing that comes to mind is the old animate-their-clothes-to-make-them-dance trick. But I don't know how to dance and can't therefore clearly represent it inside my mind. As I said before, animation depends almost only on will magic. If I don't know what, exactly, I want to happen it won't.

That's why I don't have sentience for my minions yet.

Because it can't be done with will magic only. In fact, I personally never ever heard of it being done with essence magic only either. There's always at least some form magic and a great deal of the time only form magic. Hum… best eat a snack now. I am starting to drift here. So, if not dance then what? What about an all out martial arts tournament? I couldn't throw a punch to save my life myself, but I am fairly confident that I could drag people bodies into doing something I saw in one of those Kung Fu movies.

If not accurate it will at the very least be entertaining.

The problem is that it would take much more than I have to do that to the whole school. Who should I pick then? Obviously not people that can be linked to me. The best would be people that the twins are known for pranking. But I don't know, nor do I care to know, who those could be. So who? Ah yes! The professors of course. It'll even do me good to see those who get tricked and those who don't. I don't think that Lockhart will, and Dumbles won't either, but I would bet anything that at least half of them will fall for it. I wonder if Lockhart will turn his clothes to dust…

Hey! Class is over! And I wasn't left behind this time!

That's good. Now what should I do? The day is pretty much over and I don't really have any homework worth mentioning. I don't feel like bugging my fellow snakes either. If I start doing it too much it won't stay fun will it? Ah, well… I am not in a library mood right now. I know for a fact that Old-guy-Fawkes-had-his-party-in-my-hairdo will be there (Maybe I should burn it all. Even if I don't get the terrorist I'll still be doing a great thing for England and the world as a whole), fussing and moaning about how little time there is to properly write two feet of parchment about the first rule of transfiguration or something.

I think I'll go play with the map in the hall. See if I can think of how I would have made it with Nordic runes maybe.

You never know what will be helpful. And here we are. There aren't all that many people at this time of the day. Which suits me fine. I don't want any noisy classmates trying to pry information out of me. But just to be on the safe side of caution it would be better not to sit on Slytherin's table. Now that I think about it, the Ravenclaws won't be able to help themselves either. And there will be an instantaneous mutiny if I sit with the Gryffindors. So Hufflepuf it is!

I sit in one fluid motion.

But they don't give me twenty seconds before I am disrupted. "Hey! You are Harry Potter! But you are a Slytherin! You can't sit here!" Why did I even bother trying? It matters little now. If I back out it will be bad for me. I change my tie's colours from the red and blue polka dots to their colours. "Here. Can you go bother someone else now? I would really like some peace and quiet right about this instant." I stunned him. I guess it was bad enough for me not to wear my own house's colours. The guy is so prejudiced about it that he couldn't handle the mental and emotional strain of having a snake turn badger.

Then again, their house is all about loyalty.

For them it's just the same as if I had yelled to the whole world to hear that I liked them better than my own house. Which is true, but that's not my point. In my house I like B and respect D and her red-headed friend somewhat. In this one, I like my assistant and by proxy her crazy friend H that I never met I guess. And I tolerate the rest of them, minus the guy who just talked to me. Huge difference! I take a look around to see how the other people around are taking it. Most are only confused. Very few are angry. That's good.

I activate the spell for seeing under the normal spectrum again. _Suboculus_.

By doing so while still observing the hall, I catch a disturbing image. The assistant healer, Miss Johnson or something, is leaking some sort of aura. That's not normal. Nope, definitively not. Auras can't normally be seen. They can be sensed by a powerful pink or grey mage, but never seen without the use of a device of some sort. A simple spell like _Suboculus_ would sooner allow you to see imaginary friends than allow you to see an actual aura. It doesn't matter how powerful or skilled I am, I won't ever be able to nail anything by use of a spoon. I need a hammer like everyone else. If I could, it wouldn't be just hers anyway.

So what in God's name could it be?

Whatever it is, it's oozing and reeks of death. Just how many weird things are going on around me? I don't feel quite safe anymore. I didn't like the idea of being at the business end of Lockhart's promo-campaign, but now I think I would much prefer that to being at the business end of his wand. If you add to that a contained Cerberus-guardian, a roaming Sirius Black with murdering intent, and now a suspiciously evil-looking aura attached to one of the castle nurses…

Well, staying out of the infirmary may be for the best.

But I am not allowed to wallow in those depressing thoughts. I am, indeed, rudely interrupted by… by what anyway? Oh. It's my assistant. And what can only be her friend H. And a random Hufflepuf female prefect with pink hair. Is this day getting really surreal or what? I mean, okay, she _is_ a girl and therefore does not fall under _The Great Book of Male Pride_'s jurisdiction. But still. I wore that polka dots tie all of Friday plus the weekend and I can still tell how utterly queer that particular shade makes her. Wait, wait, wait! Let's backtrack some. Her friend H? Didn't Harry James Potter, our supreme ruler, decide just the other day that staying away from her for now would be a very good idea?

Something involving craziness and pointy teeth?

I'm pretty sure that I do remember something like that occurring. And really, who am I to go against the decisions of such a great mind as his? So that means tactical retreat if possible. Slowly, slowly… Ah! Busted! I guess I shouldn't have gone for it while the three of them were staring at me. Still, doesn't that make like thrice today that I have someone besting me? Either I am losing my edge or this is really not my day. "Hello? What can I do for you Assistant number one?" The two other aren't any more surprised than Assistant. I guess she is spreading some stories about me huh? "Did you actually convince someone to be number two? That Slytherin blonde I see you talking to at meals maybe?"

Someone should really tell her about the eyebrow thing. I throw a meaningful look at pinky to see if she'll help.

She doesn't seem to understand. Why don't other people notice important stuff like that I'll never know. "Well, what else would you have brought these two for? They don't look like they could be much else…" I am, in fact, half-joking about that. People don't make prefect without some semblance of skill so the older one should have some interesting things to share if we relate well enough together. Friends should always be useful at the very least.

Assistant is grinning now.

"Told you he would open the meeting by making some joke about you girls! That'll be five silver coins from you and one transformation from you! And you better pay up!" Making money on my back? How distasteful! She didn't even give me my share! "So, what do you want?" "I was just going to introduce you to Hannah and Tonks. Tonks is the one who gave us the map and she was wondering how we managed to fill it so much in such a short time…" Ah! That explains it. Weirder-than-usual-name doesn't look like the kind that have got too many friends but it's still weird to see someone so much older hang out with firsties without at least an excuse to start the conversation leading to it.

"Wotcher! It was really detailed work you did! I'm interested!"

I shrug. "A lot of free time wasted and the systematic use of a magic-revealing diagnostic-charm followed by concentrated function-diagnostic charms. It's tedious but it works well enough." Her eyes just widened. "Aren't those fourth year material? Scratch that, I know they are. How can you do those in your first year?" I hum carelessly. "The answer to that is a lot of wasted free time, again. Well that and the fact that I'm a genius." Assistant pumps her fist. "And that makes five more coins from you and an extra transformation from you!" This is getting annoying. Maybe Lockhart is possessing her or something? Would that mean that Assistant is possessing Lockhart then?

If so she isn't nearly as bad as she appears.

"Anyway, we were just passing by. There is going to be a first day of school party in our dorms in half an hour and we need to get ready. See you tomorrow Harry!" They are leaving. And luckily the madder of the lot didn't even speak to me. That's good. But its way too much stress for one day only. Which can't be good, no matter your age. I think that I'll just go to sleep now. It means that I'll be that much more incoherent in the morning but right now that seems like a fair price in exchange of ending the day.


	7. Silence is golden

AN: (24 August 09) Here is chapter seven. As I said earlier I really liked writing it. Even if after reading it again I like chapter six better now. First, thanks to all those who reviewed, it gave me some inspiration for chapter 9. What else? Oh yeah, this is on my profile next to my stories' status but I am going to write it here too: My vacations are over and so are Hineko's, chapters aren't likely to come more than once a week when it isn't exam-time (it will of course be much worse then). I will do my very best to write a chapter per week; as I am a chapter ahead of her, things shouldn't be worse than once a week anytime soon. If the difference somehow shrinks the max I see being possible is one chapter per two weeks.

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Gah! So waking up by having my proximity wards going all sirens-of-doom on me isn't really a pleasant experience. Who would have thought? It's duly noted now anyway. I'll fix it as soon as I can think straight again. Maybe a heat signal instead of sound? That way I can get my arm burnt to ashes instead of having my eardrums popped! But now isn't the time for a brainstorming session. Now is the most sacred and ancestral time of the day, or night really, to make whoever tried to go through my wards suffer in unimaginable and unethical ways. People can't just go around disturbing the few hours of rest I can catch per night, thus tiring me, thus not allowing me to perform my research in a way fitting my genius status. Not without facing the consequences of such foolishness at any rate.

So where are the fuckers?

There! Stuck somewhere in an amalgam of my bed's curtains! No, whoever it is isn't so lacking in skills that he tripped and managed that by him or herself. I keyed the curtains to the life-sensing part of the wards with an animation command to capture anyone that crosses the perimeter. My would-be-attacker is literally mummified and the best part is that I embroidered the cloth with enough gold trim to make it very hard to use magic when inside. Just animating the thing was a hassle and I took my sweet time to do it. So whatever I caught definitely won't be escaping anytime soon. Yeah, _it_. Now that I can get a good look it's obvious that it isn't even remotely human. Way too small.

For a second I wonder if it isn't just an owl that tried to deliver my mail.

But that can't be it. The outer wards wouldn't have allowed one of those to enter. Because if one can enter this far, what's stopping Black or a classmate from sending transfigured or conjured, hell even trained, animals to do the job? So what is it? A goblin perhaps? I hope it is, because there is only one other kind of creature that I can think of with the right size but those don't live anywhere near here. Which is good, because with all the time I spent thinking about it one of them would already have melted all the gold and turned me into an ice-cube by now. Gives you chills huh? But enough about that.

I need to know what Black, or whoever, sent after me. I recast the animation and command the curtains to shift just enough to see.

Oh my God! The Quibbler articles were true! _That_ I never expected! I always thought that the editor used his paper as a mean to diffuse hidden messages that only a select few could decode. I would bet on Unspeakables, as it is known that his wife worked for the ritual creation department for some time. Order of Merlin third class for dying while on duty if I recall it right. How the guys even hope to be in the secrecy deal while revealing their names for all to know I am not really sure… Anyway, turns out that I was wrong. Or at least that I wasn't as right as I thought I was. I _do_ have a subscription to the Quibbler. But I never gave credit to their news. It was just entertaining to see what they came up with as codes.

But this is proof!

They actually give real warnings about stuff that exists at the same time! I'm starting to respect the guys, really. It's like a pro-muggleborn movement. The only people who would take anything inside this paper seriously are the ones that don't know anything about the wizarding world and those who already know. So it warns muggleborns about some of the nastier things that lurk around. You indeed do learn something new every day. Who would have thought?

Seriously, who would?

Ninja elves? Silent assassins that creep in the darkest of nights? Going unseen, unheard, unsmelled even? Heavily trained in combat as well as stealth? Wielders of powerful arcane knowledge they use to bypass most protective measures? Who would have thought? The trice damned would-be-killer went right through the offensive part of my wards without even breaking them! Like they weren't even there! Hell, I'm pretty sure that it could have bypassed the proximity ward in the same way! The little sadist just wanted to see my expression as I realized I was going to die! If it wasn't for its arrogance… if I hadn't put that animation or the gold thread on the curtains…

Another chill goes up my spine as I take in just how close to dying I came.

Talk about giving the Reaper an Eskimo kiss! What? No I don't know how that would go either… It was just a figure of speech damn it! Anyway, it's very clear now that Black, because who else would both hate me enough and have access to such a powerful secret organization, won't stop at anything to get rid of me. It certainly is a sobering thought. But how did it pass through the castle wards? Mine aren't anything special really. I just use them in tricky ways. Most fourth year and above could cast temporary wards like I did if they wanted. They would just need to spend a weekend in the library.

But were the founders so lame that their wards didn't account for elves?

It seems so. Of course I should have known it. Even if you discard the general wizarding attitude of dismissing elves as unimportant, the map should have been my next clue. It didn't show the castle elves. Which means that the monitoring section of the castle wards doesn't pick up on the elves. If they didn't think about it or if they couldn't be bothered to spend ward-power on it when elvish magic is so different from ours I don't know. Well, sounds like my next project! Yay me! Just how much sleep am I going to lose over this? Somehow, I think that knowing beforehand would depress me further…

But I should really take care of the assassin now.

I speak to it. "Go back to your master, foul creature! Tell him that it will be harder than that to kill one such as me! If he thinks that such cheap tricks will have any effects whatsoever he is in for a very rude awakening!" The thing's eyes widen in what would be a comical way if I didn't know how dangerous it could be if not contained as it is. Clearly it didn't think that I knew all about his kind. I don't even try to question it. Rumors of the auto-mutilation of their vocal cords aside, its physiology is way too different to be vulnerable to truth serum. I don't know, nor do I care to, any legilimency. And finally, even regular House elves have a freakishly high pain tolerance. So no torturing either.

It's really a genius idea to have those do this kind of job. Makes much more sense than nannies and cleaners.

Well, time to get rid of it. I wouldn't think much of going murderer on its little ass, as he was going to do just that on me, but I want him to deliver my message. If I can get a rise out of the master it's more than worth sparing the servant. It's not like I can forgo the precautions against future attacks from his kind anyway. There could be more than one. The only down is that the curtain trick isn't likely to work again but it's not like I can rely on my opponents sadism to survive. Still, I wish I knew how to erase memories. Somehow, I doubt that the Hogwarts library holds that kind of information.

I take two dummies from my not-so-official trunk and enlarge them.

I sigh. Why do I feel bad about this? Oh yeah, I can't escort the elf out of the castle wards without actually going with the dummies because passwords can't be uttered by tag and I can't visualize the way well enough to animate them the way they need to be. That, and even if they could and I did, there still would be the problem of the patrols they could encounter. And if I wait until morning the damn thing will melt the gold enough to cause trouble. I can see it now. It's a choice between being killed and being caught out wandering the corridors after curfew. Not much of a choice you say?

Well, think again!

Getting caught doesn't mean lines to write. It doesn't even mean detention. Well, I guess it could mean either of those, but there are more serious consequences. In the first place, it would destroy the frail peace that I have with D. That's already bad enough, but there is also the very real possibility of having a one on one chat with my head of house, or worse still, with the good headmaster. It's been a week and a half since the first day of class and both have tried to talk to me quite a few times. And I'd wager that the two of them are stubborn enough to keep trying hard for yet a couple of years if they ever give up at all.

And that's on the off chance where they don't start being more forceful.

I sight again. Well, it can't be helped. I am way too young, handsome and smart to die. Better take the map with me. I don't want to get lost and it will give me a decent chance at avoiding patrols. Of course, if I do end up being caught that'll be one more thing I'll lose in the deal unless I manage to deactivate it on time. I take it and half a dozen extras bits of parchment to confuse anyone that might see me. The impressive concealment measures should make it safe enough that way. Though I am kind of worried about that fragment I cracked three days ago. The thing may activate on its own when in the presence of key individuals.

Well, I am ready. "Are you ready too?" The elf doesn't answer. "Good, lets go then!"

I start stalking, making use of the full extend of my eleven year old body's natural grace supported by the amazing training I have in stealth. I only stumble once. But really, can I be blamed for others people leaving pillows on the ground? Ouch! Okay, make that two times. Of course it's even harder for my dummies as they depend only on my sight to move around. If they were people I'm pretty sure that at least one would have a broken ankle and the other would likely have bitten its tongue.

But as said earlier, there is little time.

I activate the map. The password is still ridiculously long to utter. Which is bad. I tried to make it something shorter but the thing has got some sort of mind of it's own and the only things it would change to that I could come with was _Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious_ and _Holly Thor on his jumping polar bear_. Yeah, the guy who invented the thing had serious issues. And no, I won't discuss how I came to even try those two. The good point is that it has given me some clues about how to achieve sentience myself. Not sanity, mind you, but it's a start. The other up is that I don't intend to replicate that part of the scheme myself and it will make things that much easier.

Good, there is nobody in sight.

There are a couple of prefects on the second floor and the crazy-caretaker's cat is on the fourth. Everyone else is too far away to be a worry. Though I guess that someone could use a secret passage. The map doesn't show all of them like that. Sometimes it only shows them if you happen to be nearby. Which is how it can give the passwords only when you actually need them. I start walking. That's it, swiftly but without making noises. Wait, didn't I read about the silencing charm just the other day? Does it only work on the voice or does it affect footsteps and the like? Can't remember anything but the incantation…

Ah well, I'll just try it. _Silencio_.

I try to snap my fingers. It doesn't make any noise, but I never was all that good at it in the first place. I clap my hands. Once, twice. No sound. Good! Let's keep walking then. It's too bad that I can't do the same about being seen. But wearing a cloak could be of help if I am seen. That way if I escape they won't know whom to punish. I go for my trunk in my pocket. What, your pajamas don't have pockets? Well, where do you put your wands when you sleep then? Oh? Oh! Forgot that you don't have mass-murderers after your hide! Won't happen again. There, now I just have to enlarge it back to real size and take a cloak from a spare dummy.

Wait a minute! Enlarge? I can't do that without saying the incantation!

That means that I can't do it without countering the silencing charm. And that kind of needs a verbal component to work too… I am stuck! I can't even return to the common room! I can't even deactivate the map! How do I end in these situations? I am a genius! I shouldn't forget about important things like this! No matter, keep moving. The people on the map are moving too and some of them are moving my way. I quickly take the cloak of one of the two dummies that are more than an inch tall at the present time and throw it over my shoulders. I'll take care of the elf first and I'll look for an isolated place to rest after.

Rest, not sleep. I am not going to bother to cast something devious enough to protect me from the assassin's kin, only to need to do it again tomorrow.

I start running. If I can't do any sound at all I'll at least take full advantage of it. Or not. The dummies aren't silenced. They can still be noisy if I am not careful. Damn! Well, no point in complaining about it now. There, I am out of the dungeons now. I just need to pass the doors and order the dummies to go past the wards, drop the package and come back. Nobody is around. Perfect. I do so. They take their sweet time to come back but at least they eventually do. Now where to? Not back in the dungeons, that's for sure. I'll surely catch a cold if I do.

How about the fifth floor?

That could work. There's nothing interesting on the north aisle of it. I don't think that people ever go there. When I explored it with Assistant it was pretty messy but comfortable enough for one night. I wonder why there is so much dust in the area. Don't the elves clean there too? Somehow I can't see them being slackers about it… Maybe it's an elf-repelling area? If it is, then all the better. I reach the moving staircases. I just need to wait until one deigns to give me a lift now. Honestly, what the point of doing that to otherwise perfectly fine stairs I will never know.

Shit, are those voices I am hearing?

I can't believe I was distracted enough to stop checking the map. I blame the fact that the food is so small at the moment that it would hardly be a decent pill, let alone meal. Come on you stupid agglomeration of moving steps! Let me up! Do your job, damn it! "Are you sure we aren't lost Minister? I can't recall where we are right now…" "Nonsense, I remember my Hogwarts years perfectly! There should be a passage that leads out of the grounds somewhere nearby. I think that I was the first to discover it in at least two hundred years you know? Of course I gave the information to a few chosen friends… I think I told Lucius just the other month…"

Minister? Crap! And what are they talking about anyway? There's nothing around here. Just go away find your passage! Don't come here!

"Ah, yes! Of course! I'll just look harder." "Wait for a moment Dolores. There is something important we must discuss about and here is as a good place as any…" Yeah! Talk about your secret business inside a castle full of ghost, paintings and others such spies. Good idea! And don't forget to do it at three meters tops from an eleven-year-old boy while you are at it! Why won't that damn staircase just come already? "I have been talking with Lucius about the Black case. Terrible time for such things to happen… The elections are still far away but these things leave their mark. You must be ready for when all the foreigners arrive. We don't know if there are dark supporters amongst them…"

Oh? So I am not the only one worrying? Good! Everybody should take a share of the stress.

"As you already know, it will be Black's best chance to leave the country if he is still there and we can't really have the Dementors around when they are. Too much international troubles if we do. Dumbledore is not being helpful at all. He said that if I brought even one around the students he would be informing the ICW. I don't want another three months of having those old coots breathing down my neck and being all worked up about the way we treat our prisoners again! Anyway, I was just trying to convince him to at least allow me to have them patrol the wards while the other schools are yet to arrive. He refused again! Be careful of him Dolores. Lucius think that it's a political move of his part. That he may be trying to grab my position after all these years…"

"I will minister!" If she had a neck she would probably be nodding with fervor.

"Anyway, maybe it was on the second floor after all…" Damn, where is my lift? I can't wait here. Think, think, think! That's it! If the bloody thing won't move on it's own I'll just move it myself. I never tried to animate something that big but there is little choice right now. Here we go! Hrrghtths! Just a little more… There! I see it bend like some sort of snake by the power of my animation. I jump on it and start climbing while shifting both the base and the arrival point. I make the end drop me in a little alcove in the middle of a wall where an old armored suit is on display. I release it.

No point in doing it if people can just follow me here.

I am far too exhausted to try and reach the fifth floor now. Magical depletion for sure. The funny thing about it is that in about five seconds I'll have recovered enough juice to do it again if I want to, but the strain put on my body by taking in that much magic from the area around me to replenish my core will be enough to make even lifting a finger hard. I don't want to think about what would happen if by some miracle I managed to force myself to do it a second time. It would knock me out cold at the very least.

You didn't know that did you?

Can't blame you there really. The generally accepted theory in England is that when you are what they call magically depleted, it's the lack of magic in your body that brings you down. So naturally they assume that it takes as long to come back as the time they feel exhausted. Some even think that by casting spells after depletion you are spending life force. I disagree of course. Someone in my family liked oriental magical theory and I have this marvelous book that describes one's core as a depression in an otherwise plane surface with water running above it. The deeper it is, the more water, or magical energy as it is, it holds. If the depression is deep, you can use the water in it to successfully fill bigger containers like a jar instead of a glass.

Bigger spells can be used in clear.

But when you take a part of the water to use it in that way, the water running above rushes to fill the depression again. The more you take at once, the more rushes in, and the more violently it rushes. If the depression is big enough, that's very violent. And it puts a strain on it every time. So in fact, it's generally only powerful people who suffer from magical depletion in any meaningful way. Small cores don't hold enough magic to cast bigger spells but even when they used all their juice it just makes them breathe a little harder and they are good to go back to casting in mere seconds without even knowing that they used it all.

Of course, if I started to only cast weak spells it wouldn't be a problem for me either but sometimes the needs overpowers reason.

So, yeah, I'm fairly powerful… that or I have a very frail body… can't seem to make my mind up about that. Maybe I should try to exercise, or get a higher pain tolerance at least? I'm pretty sure that that's the secret behind how house elves can cast all that impressive stuff with the physical weakness that should be holding them back. I can't hear the voices of the Minister and his toady anymore. They must have left already. But I hear something else. Like angry groans and moans. The creaks of the stone and wood of the castle around me. If I didn't know better I'd think that it's pissed at something.

He he. That'd be funny.

… Is the bloody thing coming in my fucking direction? It shouldn't be able to be here should it? I released the animation so why is it coming all the way here? Oh it doesn't look happy at all… it's snapping at me! "Oh come on! Whatever aberration you are, you can't hold what I did against me! I needed to escape!" Hey! When did my voice come back? And did the thing wait for the two others to leave to have this conversation? No matter. It's shifting and tapping. I don't think it liked being called that… This isn't good. Not even a little. "Ho there! No need to take everything personally! I was just saying that you were a little weird, is all…" It rattles against the walls. "Odd! I meant odd! Odd is good right? Like everybody says that the Headmaster is an oddball! That's better no?" Okay, so if I take the way the walls are trembling right about now, I don't think it likes the headmaster either.

How can I even argue that point?

"Huh, are you Hogwarts?" It calmed down some. I guess I was right then. "Listen, there was no offense intended I swear! It's just that you were being kind of slow to give me the lift and…" Not good, not good! It's hitting the alcove now! Truly I must be a desperate case at pink magic if I can even anger a castle this way. A legend of another kind! Well, at least now, we know that it's a girl… There is no way a male would be so much angered by a few idle comments. I wonder if I should owl the people who write _Hogwarts a History_…

Anyway, now that I can speak again, I gather as little magic as possible and start casting wards by arrays around me.

Little bit by little bit. I can't over-exert myself if I don't want to pass out. I start with a physical barrier and start putting what I think would stop an elf with nefarious purposes. I end by animating the armor to protect me and I feel myself blacking out. Why can't I have a normal life again? Oh yeah, I'm Harry James Potter, certified genius, handsome hero, prime target of the Dark and all around center of the world! Yay me!


	8. Enlightening conversations

AN: (02 September 09) So Hineko wasn't dead after all… I won't be giving any details about her absence because I don't want her parents going to jail for their cruelty but sufice to say that the problem is no more. I don't think that this chapter is very funny (even if I did try hard) but plots go on and the piece of my personal magical theory I selected is I think interesting. Most chapters will have some mag theory. That won't change. But I am posting a side fic that will have for sole job to hold the bases of the way thing work because I don't want to spend a whole chapter or two doing so here. If colour separations are disturbing you for example, I recommend that you go in my profile and read it. It's pretty short still.

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Why so much noise? Can't they all just shut the hell up? I am trying to be miserable here! And they are not helping in the least with the herd-of-gnus impersonation! Much like with your first time meeting house elves, you never really realize how utterly unpleasant the sides effects of magical depletion can be until you felt the cramps that took over half of your body after collecting the first hand data. It's like someone burnt me from the inside, cast a freezing charm on the remains and then bound my soul to it. Only, I'm pretty sure that in that case I wouldn't feel like throwing up this much. Maybe I'll find a necromancer sometime and ask.

I'm so glad that I was only supposed to have history of magic this morning. What time is it anyway?

Wow! That late? It's almost lunch time already! I need to get out of here. But how do I do that? Somehow, I can't seem to convince myself that the castle calmed down already and that the stairs will come for me if I ask nicely. In fact, I don't think that I would trust them if they did… Who knows what they might try and do to me? In fact it would be for the best if I didn't stay anywhere alone anymore. Making friends is a lot more appealing that it ever was right now. Poor B needs to talk more with smart people anyway and there is no way that D can manage alone.

Damn but I am hungry!

I enlarge my trunk and take some bread from it before shrinking it back. You really don't appreciate the little things, like the ability to produce sounds, until they are gone. The big things, like food, I'll never forget about though. So, going back to somewhere with less potential for sky-diving… I don't want to try levitating myself. None of the spells I know do that specifically and if I try by will magic alone it could be dangerous. I guess that I could get my magic to accept the effect as I'll be using my own but I don't want to know what would happen if my concentration wavered and it started to fight itself mid-air.

Oh! I know!

There is that neat little runic array that, when applied to a surface, will make it dissipate energy from physical force in the form of colored light. I'll apply it to my shoes. It shouldn't take too long to carve or draw. I start right away. "… and really what is he? Nothing, that's what! My inferior in every single way! But his fame won't save him from what is going to happen soon. Father was here just the other week to drop some supplies he was donating the school and he said that the unworthy won't be around much longer. I hope it happens quickly. Can you imagine the shame if the students from Durmstrang come and meet the kind of rabble that infests this place? I don't think I could handle the shame…"

Of all the… what is little D doing right here?

Don't those people know how to converse in secure places? No matter, I'll just keep drawing. "But back to Potter! Did you two see how he missed history of magic this morning? Such arrogance when he is only a lowly halfblood! But I'll show him! I'll call the upper years for help dealing with this stain to Slytherin's pride. They'll be glad to help I'm sure!" Here. Finished. I jump from my hideout, aiming carefully for a staircase that will bring me to the hall. Huh. I think that I'm blind now… who would have thought that the impact would be so great? The upside is that the three of them probably got it worse. With them being dumb enough to turn because of the noise and all.

Anyway. I should probably say something now…

"Little D! How can you say such mean things about me! Don't you care about my feelings? Don't you care about how you are hurting me by saying things like that? Tell me you didn't mean it! Please! After all our games with your mother in your bedroom! I thought you loved me! Was it all a lie? Were you manipulating me when you said we had something together? That I should experiment your ways before being set with normal conventions? How could you little D? How could you? I won't be so naïve next time! I am through with men! As she didn't say anything, I will still play with your mom but don't you dare ever speak to me again!"

Truly a piece of art. His brain didn't catch up yet, but the people around are not so dumb.

I don't think that any will believe it, but that won't stop them from spreading it for comic purposes. B is going to be dismayed. But hey, it's not like he should be expecting anything different after all! Like he said to me the other day, its not that I lack pink magic to use, as really magic is magic before you give it form, but my brain just refuses to use it for anything other than sarcasm and insulting. He tries to teach me how I am expected to treat a fellow pureblood heir and I naturally start to think about all the little insults that will set them off that I never would have even thought about earlier.

He teaches me how to act and I do this.

Well, he theorized that there is a chance, if a slim one, that I could make a normal use of his teachings if the person I was talking with was actually someone I at least respected. Even that will ask for heavy training though. I don't wait for them to recover (Because who knows how long that would take? And that's not even taking the damage that I'm not responsible for into account…) and start heading for the hall. I'm starting to have second thoughts about the array I picked to avoid going pancake earlier. Because when I walk there is technically still force to be dissipated.

Which means that I look like a disco star right now with my hip shoes.

Maybe I should sell some of these? I'm pretty sure that some kids would like having a pair in the muggle world. Let's file it in the Ways to Conquer the World by Economical Means Folder for now. I'll have Assistant sort it out later. Maybe I can even get her friends to help? One just won't be enough after I start to expand… Speaking of the devil! "Hey Harry! You didn't come to swim yesterday afternoon!" Oh. Forgot about that. Its not like I know how to swim anyway. I would have stayed at the shore throwing pebbles at their heads most likely.

"Assistant! Well met, indeed! About that, well, you know me. I was about to come when I heard that rumor saying that Snape was distributing sweets that weren't even poisoned…"

The funniest part is that there is actually such a rumor going around. The fact that the guy somehow feels somewhat ill when he is less than a meter away from anything containing sugar while in the hall may be a factor. It takes a lot out of me to animate something inside a living magical being but if I pour enough juice behind it I can sustain it for a few seconds as the stomach and intestine's contents aren't exactly alive anymore. It's like Pavlov experiment in reverse. Each time he goes near anything sweet I make him regret it. He is already avoiding even fruits like the plague. Now I just need to always walk around with candy and he won't bother me ever! At least until he tests every potion in existence to try to cure his mysterious illness.

I know. Genius! It's like I created a new sort of vampire!

Assistant and H roll their eyes. "Why don't I believe you? Don't answer that. You should really come today! The weather won't stay nice much longer you know? And Tonks said that she can even cast some charms on us to allow to breathe under the water! We could explore the lake! Someone from Ravenclaw even told Hannah that there were mermaids in it!" Well, I did say something about not being alone anymore… In fact, not being inside the castle period would be that much better. "Fine, fine! I'll be there! No need to nag!" "See Susie? I told you that mentioning mermaids would work with any teenager! Really Harry, we are much prettier than mermaids anyway! And if you are sweet enough we could try to practice warming charms and have another session at midnight…"

I miss the time when H didn't talk. It's always the quiet ones like they say…

"Well, I would gladly keep talking to the two of you but you know how it is right? Need to be with my house-mates a bit, less they forget all about how unsafe it would be to start going all purebloodish Slytherin on me. It's for their own good, really." I start walking away in all my disco-glory. I hear my assistant mutter to the other one that she scared me. As if! But there's no time to go back and correct them… I sit next to B at Slytherin table. "Hey B! What's up?" He doesn't look happy. "Potter. Oh, you know… having lunch… seeing Malfoy having bursts of accidental magic… the usual. Is that why you missed today's lesson by the way?"

Huh. Didn't think about that… Better give him an apology.

"Oh that! No, that was just on my way to lunch. Sorry about not coming by the way but something happened yesterday night and I had to fix it… You know how it is, tell a couple of house elves that the food is good and wake up in the middle of the night having one staring at you." He nods. Wonder if it happened to him. "Say, do you have a subscription to the Quibbler? No? Well, I know what to give you for Christmas now." There. Let's see if he picks the clues. It's a personal quest of mine. Make it so that a Slytherin pureblood at least knows how to research information on his own by the time he leaves Hogwarts.

I think he is still somewhat upset about me not showing up at the meeting.

Let's give him a peace offering. "What do you say we start the difference between circles and arrays right now? There's enough time to cover the very basics while we eat." His look turns from somewhat cold to merely calculating. What I just did is, in his own terms, give up some of the protection I get from being an unknown. And for no other reason than to make amends. It's a big thing, but at the same time it shows friendly interaction for all to see if he accepts my offer. But he obviously thinks that the ups surpass the downs because he just gave me a small smile. I needed to go from secret trade to open alliance if I wanted to hang out in public with him.

And with that awful business with Hogwarts hating my guts…

"That's fine. Not like there are much more interesting things to discuss until the other schools are here, are there? So, apart from the difference in drawing them, what is there to say about each type?" I take my best droning voice and start. "Quite a lot actually. You already know that arrays are runes connected to each others. When you are building one it's like you are taking the magical effects of a lone rune that come, most of the time, from its symbolism and try to make it vary by connecting it to one other. What the other rune is, how far you put it and things like that have a role in the equation. If there are more than two, and that's often, things like angles enter the parameters too. Do you follow so far?"

A nod. Of course he isn't the only one following anymore but that was expected. I guess that means no Form magic on Snape.

"Most wizarding cultures favor arrays because they are simple when you have catalogued work to base yourself upon. But it's mostly guesswork. We managed to come up with a few general rules over the years but not a lot. The only other information about them that is basic is that they are powered by the natural flow of magic unless told otherwise by the array itself. Now, magic circles were used by almost everyone at a point or another. But Europeans are typically very fond of them. They are two types of circles. The ones who work from outside to inside that are called collapsing circles, and the ones who work in the very opposite way that are called perimeter circles."

Wow, they are all staring now. Maybe they'll stop laughing when I say I'm a genius now.

"Both kinds work based on the actual meaning of the runes. When you draw a circle, you are writing down sentences that will tell the magic what to do for you. Which is why circles don't rely as much on Form magic as what you meant when you wrote them gives it a Will magic component. Now, it's very unlikely that you'll ever use a single layered circle, like you don't find a lot of uses for two-runes arrays. What you generally have are concentric circles. They will activate one after the other. Either from the center outwards or from the outer layer inwards."

I sip some water. No way that I'll put the disgusting beverage they call juice anywhere near my mouth. At least if it was soup… Hey, maybe I should make an exception with Snape? Who am I to take this away from him?

"Collapsing circles are used in rituals mostly. I guess that you could use them to do the equivalent of array work but it isn't worth the workload. You can only use a collapsing circle, or circles really, in a location with abundant natural magic. You must write the circle on the center first and all the way out to avoid having it activate while you are drawing. The last layer's function is to draw the magic to the inner circles. It's the only part that won't collapse. The object of the ritual is inside the center-circle. After activation of the outer layer, the magic will activate one circle after the other. Each time it will destroy the circle and will be molded in the process until it reaches the object and modifies it."

I make another pause.

"Perimeter circles take energy from their center. The inner circle contains an object that holds a great deal of magical energy. Some call it a key-stone or a core, but it can be anything from a living being powering it to a common piece of wood that was infused with magic either by the use of arrays or with a collapsing circle. The energy flows to the outer circles one by one, but doesn't destroy them by doing so. The circles are not meant to collapse. There are flaws in their construction meant to maintain them stable. By doing so, they alter the magic flowing out and shape it in a certain way but do so at a steady rate. That's because those are usually used for wards. And while in a ritual you want all the magic to fill the object at once, wards are supposed to last. The last circle is meant to limit the area affected. If it wasn't there it would try to affect an area expanding as fast as magic can travel thus needing infinite power."

I finish my noodles and wait for dessert.

"We, of course, will only be working on arrays as they, even with all of their randomness, don't tend to backfire in spectacular fashions. They backfire a lot, but in small ways." B is thoughtful now. "So, if that's how you make wards, how do you go about breaking them?" I give a smile. "Who has got destructive tendencies now? But to answer your question, there are a lot of ways. It all depends on your skills, on the ward, and whether you care about what happens to you and the nearby area when you break it. If the warder did a poor job of protecting the circle itself you could just blow pieces of the limiting circle and make them spend all of their juices. Won't work if the guy was half as smart as little D though."

I take some dessert.

"You could also throw curses at it until it overloads but I wouldn't do that if I were you. People who try tend to die from the built up energy released at once without purpose defined by the circles. The safest and most reliable way is to draw your own circle around it. Either by draining its power dry to fuel some useless thing or another, or if the target doesn't need to be in one piece, you can use a collapsing circle. You'll get the same effect that you would get with curses but as you will be very far away from the place you won't care that much. Ward breaking by draining-circle takes forever though. And even if the area has got enough magic to sustain collapsing circles of that size, it won't be quick to draw either."

I think that that's enough for now.

There are tons of better methods I know about, most of them involving arrays or gold, but I won't discuss those with half of Slytherin listening. While it won't do them any good to ward themselves from me as I have the snitch, it could give them pointers to bypass my own wards. And I think that there are enough skilled people after my head as it is. I am careful not to eat all of my dessert. Best to have some munitions in the off chance that Snape tries something. B seems to understand that the topic is closed for now because he starts talking about idle things like Quidditch. Now, I have nothing against the sport itself. It looks mildly enjoyable to watch, even if I wish there was a way of doing so without leaving one's home.

It is far too dangerous to play for my tastes though.

That reminds me! "Hey B! Do you know of any sport I could play around here that would help me with being fit? If you could pick one that had low chances of me dying it would be great!" D snorts. Was she really here the whole time? Huh. Weird that I didn't notice. "You? Fit? If I sneezed strongly enough in your general direction the search parties would take weeks to find the remains!" Now that's just insulting! Who does she think I am? I sew mild grounding arrays on my clothes ages ago. Nothing like the one that I found in the library the other day mind you. Using that out of battle is just asking for trouble. If only you can move your clothes and you try to sit in a car for example…

Just… not good!

At best you would fry the motor. At worst, all the force that should normally be diffused by the whole body would instead be transferred to whatever skin you have in direct contact with the vehicle. In a car it would be bad. In a plane you would likely lose a hand or a head.

Back to me being insulted! "Oh, I didn't realize that you were in such a good shape D! But I can see it clearly now! Everything is where it should be… Say, if you are such an expert in the field, why don't you come to sweat with me? I'm sure we would both have great fun!" She is gob smacked for a second tops before a reply comes. "A valiant effort Potter, but I already heard of the rumors about you and Malfoy. I won't be anybody's alibi."

Ouch! Didn't think of that when I was pulling the stunt.

It's really unfair though. I did say that I was through with men and I implied that I bagged his mum too! Ah, well… it won't last too much I think. I am going to give people others things to think about later in the week. Can't back out of the deal with the twins now, can we? Because let's face it, that wouldn't be good for my stress levels at all. Maybe not even too good for my life if they go overboard. And, as we determined earlier, they are the mad pureblood type, not the stupid one. I came up with a few ideas to make something big without passing out or being found.

But I really should retaliate. D's smile is way too smug for my peace of mind.

I try to animate the juice she is drinking to make her choke. It doesn't work so well, but then again there aren't a lot of references about animating raw elements with Gray magic without some support of Form magic. Green magic has the so-called elementals but that's pretty much it. There are some, like Fiendfyre, but even then you need the Form magic of the incantation. Something to keep working on. Now that D half-choked on her disgusting cold soup and that I took that smile back from her clutches, I can leave the hall with B to see if we can expand our conversation some.

We start walking together in the dungeons direction.

"It was a good lecture you gave back there." I nod. Even with the dreadful tone of voice it attracted quite a few amazed stares. "Most will assume that runes are your strong point now. They'll think that they know you." The way he built that sentence, it's clear that he knows that runes aren't what I can do best. But is he talking about occlumency or something else? "Don't fret. It would have been necessary to show of some sooner or later. And I do need friends." With a minimum of three separate beings after my hide, one of them bigger than a moderate dinosaur's herd, the last statement is a deliberate understatement.

But hey, no need to sound needy either.

He gives an almost solemn nod. "Flamel sent word by prefect that he is taking care of a personal business this evening. Potions classes are going to be rescheduled on Saturday. We have got enough time to have the session." My face light up. The old flame isn't a bad teacher at all, but free time is free time. I studied potions by myself a good deal, as basic and moderate ones never depend on wands, and I am ahead of the class by a fair margin. Yes, even the purebloods. No, I don't know why. Your guess is as good as mine really; all I have is laziness and stupidity as culprits right now.

Well, at least the ancient one (He looks the part you know? It seems that making the stone took him some time…or maybe he uses a glamour, who knows?) answers my questions.

"So what are we going to do today?" I am a little eager, but if I am making mortal enemies out of castles I really need everything I can get my hands on. "We'll be teaching you a sword style." A sw-… what the hell? "Why!?" So, maybe I should have tried not to spit on his face while asking. But he surprised me! "Didn't you say that you wanted to sweat? Or is Daphne the only one you approve of?" Got me there. "Why fencing though?" His expression is somewhat humorous now. I feel like I am going to be the victim of a lame joke right about now. "Because we will be flooded by foreigners by the end of the month and I don't trust you not to insult them."

Somehow, I can't find a link between my question and his answer.

It must have shown on my face because he keeps going. "Wizarding law is very different from one country to the next. We don't have a lot of treaties. So if, or more like when, really, you have a conflict with a French for example, the most likely outcome that doesn't involve a compromise is a duel. And after you kill the first two or three, they'll stop asking for magical duels and start demanding sword duels. You would be free to refuse of course, but as long as the age difference isn't too great it would present you in a bad light. All the more if you started the disagreement."

Huh. Every time I think wizardkind can't surprise me anymore they pull some new crap out of their asses like that. Every time.

"Won't it take years though? To be any good that is?" B is at the very least journeyman at the eyebrow thingy. And he would make a much safer teacher than Lockhart for my assistant… a thought to ponder later. "Your point being?" I sigh. "Fine, let's find a suitable classroom then." Hey! Isn't that the Joanson nurse lady? Maybe I should check to see if I can determine her threat-level. She isn't nearly as far as the other day. Maybe I'll get more details? _Suboculus_. Huh. She's clean. Why is she clean? Do dark pseudo-auras of doom that reek of death disappear from day to night? I don't know that much about them but I feel like they shouldn't…

So what the hell is going on? B is looking at me worried. I'll think about it later.


	9. Sharp mind, sharper tongue

AN: Harry Potter is completely and totally not mine because he is quite frankly someone's else. I don't even take credit for the stuff that isn't in the books because I went through so much fanfiction in the last three years that I can't remember what I take inspiration from half of the time. Got two flamers at once after the last chapter… well, at least they flamed chapter one. The other one I got before was on chapter seven (Who the hell reads seven chapter of a story just to say that it's all crap?)…

Anyway, thanks to Hineko for the beta-work. People confused with the magical theory I use should read my other "story" accessible in my profile. (09/09/09)

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Swords are cool. That's a generally accepted fact of life. I think that the opinion polls taken by specialized magazines came up with a fifty percent approval rate of swords by an indicative sample of the British population. So, there's no denying that. If you keep that line of thought, then swords fights must be cool. Because as swords are meant to fight with and useless things are considered uncool by 97 percent of the population, what else could they be? But somehow, nobody never ever made a poll to know if sword training is cool. Well, let me tell you this: it isn't. As in: not at all. It's downright boring in fact. The only thing that is keeping me going right now is the distant promise that someday, I might be able to stab an annoying pureblood and not get sued for it.

Still, that will only last so long.

Maybe it's conceited of me, but I like seeing myself improve when practicing something. With magic that's fine, you learn the theories behind the stuff and when you memorized it and understand it you try it. It takes up to a dozen or so times doing whatever you are supposed to and then it works. At least, that's what it always was for me. Sure, there was that experimenting bit with animation where I couldn't get the thing right. But at least, different, _interesting_, things kept happening. Like making a teddy's eyes zoom out of its head and shatter a wall. Even then, it was the most frustrating time of my life. Was. Now, after only an hour and a half of fencing lessons, it's a distant second.

And it's getting harder to even remember that it did happen by the minute.

One can only have his starting stance corrected so many times before thoughts of murder become more than acquaintances. Right now we are on a mildly friendly basis, but at the rate that things are presently going, the _old lover_ status isn't so far away. Which is bad, as I don't know of any means to legally put those to good use without improving in my stabbing things quest. I'm glad that the lake party with Assistant isn't far away. I could really use the break. Maybe it's showing in the way the left side of my neck is twitching now and then, because B takes a hint. "I think that that's enough for today. I was planning on something intensive to be ready by the end of the month, but that would obviously be a mistake."

I just give a sharp nod. We are official friends since two hours ago only and I don't trust myself to be polite at the moment.

In fact, with the way my cramps from this morning made a spectacular comeback, I wouldn't trust myself to walk straight. Which reminds me that sitting down is a great idea. Worthy of my genius, really. B gives me an amused look before going on. Wonder what he is laughing at. "After assessing the general state of disrepair of what can't honestly be called a body, I have determined what would be the best suited style for your type. Well, the best I know well enough to teach anyway, and that's one out of three. It will be based on your natural shrimpiness, taking advantage of how little you weight and of how narrow a target you make of yourself."

I am not exactly sure why, but I feel slightly insulted.

I kind of feel bad for the people that usually talk with me now; because I can't say that I like the feeling at all. But then again, it would be a terrible waste to have such a gift for it and not to use it… "You may have heard of it as _the piercing winds_ or _sky drill_, but the official name is _Birdy, birdy, birdy!_" Right. Hmm… I don't really have an answer to that… Let's stick with plain disbelief. "How can that even be a name?" At least B has got the decency of looking contrite. "Hey, it's not my fault! That's what it says in the registry. I asked Uncle Tolgerias about it and he said that the guy who came up with it wasn't all that sane…"

Urg! Who names a child Tolgerias?

I mean, he isn't even the heir of the family… I don't fool myself into thinking that I will make it out of a place like Hogwarts without losing at least one bet that will force my first born to have a ridiculous name of some kind, but that's the kind of wagers that you don't make again once you lost for the first time! "… which is quite disturbing when you take into account Uncle's tendency to flirt with the paintings of the manor. Even the ones of not human creatures. Of both genders." What can I even answer to that? Somehow, 'My condolences' doesn't seem to cut the deal… "Anyway, no matter how mad the guy was, the style is still really good and perfectly adapted for you as you are now. We'll start next week. Now, you said something about going outside?"

I sigh. I need to do something if I don't want to drown.

I nod and start walking in direction of the grounds. Until I understand why sitting down was a bad idea. The cramps are even worse now. Well, there's nothing to do but soldier through I guess. Now I am going to transfigurate my robes into a bathing suit. But what kind of array should I draw on it before going? Well, there's that dumb tri-part floating array that would do the trick I guess. If you can't sink it's one half of the problem solved, isn't it? I thought about having that tattooed on me when I was ten or something, but I changed my mind quickly when I saw all the stories about unforeseen consequences of arrays. I already told you about the dangers of that grounding rune in a vehicle didn't I? Well, imagine this: you make yourself unsinkable by the use of the tattoo version of the array. Now, what do you think would happen if you were to somehow end in the water but with something heavy upon you?

Let's start by discarding the obvious disaster that would be being crushed because you couldn't sink to diffuse the blow.

But even if the thing were empty in the center like, say, a canoe; what would happen? If you didn't have the tattoo, you would just sink a little and swim under the water until you aren't under it anymore. But you can't sink. The tattoo isn't a swimsuit that you can discard. Instant prison! Like all those guys that turned immortal and ended trapped in a one by one room till the end of times. So, yeah… I won't do tattoos if I can do something else that works too. Where was I again? Oh yeah! The array will be fine I guess… Just need to draw it quickly. I stop and do the transfiguration. B is somewhat surprised but does the same. The array doesn't take too much time to draw. It's fairly simple and I studied it a decent amount of time when I was in my mutilating-my-body-with-magic-would-be-so-cool phase.

And here we go! Now we- Ompf!

Did I? Did it… that little… "That was you wasn't it?" Not having a particular direction to glare, as the castle is all around me, is frustrating. I set for drilling mental holes on the spot that altered itself just enough to make me trip. "That's just petty. And sad. Seriously, doing that kind of things to an eleven years old just shows that you are bitter. You really didn't have to take it that way, you are just such a girl!" I have no idea who B thinks I am talking with but I can't really tell him that I managed to get Hogwarts mad… He would end the lessons right away because I am a desperate case. Hell, I don't think it would be past him to make a lab rat of me so that people could try to understand how I can suck so much.

So what if he thinks I believe in God or that I'm skyzo?

Did the earth just shake a little? Suddenly I don't feel my cramps anymore. "Come on B! We are going to be late if you keep lazing around!" With the new pace, we don't take long to make it outside of the danger zone. I can see the lake now. I can see all the little ripples in the water. I can see a lone tentacle of the giant squid. I can see My-parents-hate-my-guts on the shore making catcalls. I can see Assistant and H in the water, madly kissing each other… Why can I see Assistant and H in the water, madly kissing each other? Should they be doing that? I don't think they should be doing that! I don't feel so good. I think I'm going to take my chance with the castle now. Lets just back out slowly…

"Wotcher Harry!"

Why do I always get busted? Do I need remedial stealth lessons too? Or maybe I should just give up on the slowly part and run like hell the next time? I wave my hand weakly. Clearly there are some wizarding customs that I'm not acquainted with going around. I don't think I would see that kind of things happening in a muggle pool. Then again, there's no one but them here. "Hmm… well, hi! I would ask how you are all doing but I am definitely not comfortable with the answer I think… So I'll settle for introducing B. He is the other member of the _Slytherin Intensive Skill Trade Program for World Domination_. He is the Etiquette teacher. I take care of Runes."

Now I can fool myself into thinking they are laughing at my joke rather than at the fact that every ounce of my blood went up.

"Hmr… And B, these are Tonks, Assistant and H. Respectively prefect, niece of a ministry official and… and why are you useful again?" H rolls her eyes. "I think that Sue said something about my dashing good looks just a few minutes ago…" Now I know the little wench is doing it on purpose. Well, all provocations will be met with deadly fire from now on. "Ah yeah! You are the one we are planning to pimp! So, as you see B, they are all very useful and therefore can be socialized with as per rule seventy-two alinea c."

B seems half amused and half exasperated.

"You know Harry, if you want to be a good Slytherin, you shouldn't warn your acquaintances that you are using them. It's very bad form. Plus, you broke rule three paragraph two by revealing one of the rules to outsiders." Is he joking? I can't ever tell. I'm pretty sure that even if there is such a thing as rules for Slytherin house, number seventy-two won't be what I said it is. But who knows really? Pink-head interrupts my thoughts. "Yes Harry, not very bright at all… I think I need to punish you both for your distasteful lack of heart now…" What is sh- Ompf! Urg! She is so paying for that! Throw me in a lake with a mild blasting hex will you?

I think that some water went in my right ear because I can't hear B's shouts all that well.

I'm glad that I was clever enough to set the floating array a little under the actual level of the water. It hurt a good deal with thirty centimeters to soften the impact already. Where's my wand? Oh there! I transfigure the suit to include my feet without disturbing the array. I can walk on the water now. I wish I could do the elemental animation trick I tried on D on a large scale to strike the three of them back but as I look at the algae around me I understand the problem. While the water isn't alive itself it carries a lot of life on a very small level. Same for earth or air. Fire is the only one immune of the four great. Without Form magic to tell the energy to ignore the micro-organisms inside it takes a sensibility I don't have not to waste my magic while trying.

Well, it's not like I can't use anything but animation anyway.

_Aguamenti_! _Personae ligatio_! _Accio _evil prefect! Now, we will have fun. With the seventh year out of the way revenge will be sweet indeed! "What will I do with you now? What do you think B? Should I forgive them in my kindness? Should I spare them the horrors of the tickling charm? Would that be the Slytherin thing to do?" There is no need to ask really, B is oozing with malice. "I'm afraid doing so would be a capital offense… You must take your tribute, otherwise you'll give a weak image you understand." I let a maniacal laugh for theatrics' sakes. "Oh… well… nothing I can do then! We can't have little D upset with me, can we?" I enjoy the squeals of terror that Assistant and H are making without me having yet to lift my wand but it's the fight in pinky's eyes that will make this so sweet.

I prepare myself. I shan't show any mercy to my future followers for that kind of offense! They must learn their place!

Wait a minute. What is that thing coming my way? Its crimson red, it's big and flying my way pretty fast I must say… Some kind of falcon maybe? I don't think it's the right size for a falcon but I never had very good eyesight. I tried to find a way correct it by magic but the available options are either something you must do yourself or must wait until the target is a bit older than I am. I try to feel the things magic. It's a mistake. Such a strong essence it has! Even at Hogwarts I rarely feel so much in such a small space. With all my sensing focused on it I'm overwhelmed by its presence. It's so much that for a dozen of seconds I'm stunned.

Enough for the thing to grab me by the arm and lift me from the surface of the water.

When I retake control of my mind I am already some fifteen or so meters above the ground. I guess that I could try to get free now; I could cast an _Aresto momentum_ on my way down. But my wand is likely floating somewhere near the tiny people on the ground and there isn't a lot to animate around. Well, my suit I guess, but I don't like the idea of abdicating of my modesty as long as I don't have a reason to think that I am in mortal peril. Sirius Black is the most likely owner of the beast that is carrying me, but even so, once I am on the ground there will be a lot of not-alive things to use against him.

Nobody is going to end me.

Still, I wish I had access to my trunk. I have it with me since it was in my robe's pocket when I transfigurated it. But I can't even find it until I give the suit its original appearance back. Back to business! Where are we going? We are nearing a tower of the castle… is Black inside already? That doesn't make sense. Why risk it now when the tournament is so close? I- argh! Did that bloody thing, whatever it is, throw me through a window? Granted, it was open at least… but still!

Now, where am I?

"Ah! Mister Potter! I am so glad you could make it!" I know that voice! Oh, that's not good! Really, _really _not good in the least! Why couldn't it be Black? I don't mind Black! Send him any day over dear old Dumbles! I remember everything that B told me to do when facing the Headmaster. First thing is to have your occlumency ready to snap in place in a fraction of second. Fooling oneself, after all, can't be done properly without giving away what makes you yourself. Therefore I must know when to use it, how to use it and more importantly, for how long. Second rule is to appear mildly stupid if possible. That's the hardest part as beautiful people are often smart too, but it can be done.

I'll just have to smile like a loon and exude some arrogance à-la-Gilderoy!

"Oh hello there! Did I just come in flying?" I can see my attempt at a dazzling smile reflecting on the shiny and silvery devices on the ancient-one's desk. Not bad. Not bad at all, if I say so myself. My fingers go through my hairs in a nonchalant motion. It doesn't fix anything of course but it strengthens my image. "Indeed you did Mister Potter. When you didn't answer my numerous requests to grace me with your presence and I saw you by the lake through my window I couldn't resist having Fawkes fetch you." He points something behind me. I take a look and blink. "A phoenix! This is great! Wait till I tell D about this! Harry James Potter carried by phoenix! Phoenix friend! Phoenix master even!"

Oh yeah. Forgot about the third thing. Always keep my unusual gift in check.

Damn! The thing is murderous! Well, best to make what I can of it. I give some girlish screams that I borrowed from little D and hide myself behind colour-blind-guy. "Now, now Fawkes! There's no need for that! I'm sure that Mister Potter didn't mean any offense by saying those things…" The bird gives a snort but relents in the end. Victory! "Ah ah ah! Really Headmaster, there was no need for you to step in! The situation was perfectly under control!" I can see that he is disturbed now. "Hum… yes, indeed. Well, if you would take a chair then Mister Potter?" He conjures a hideous piece of furniture that more or less fulfils the function of a seat.

I give a little grimace likes he probably expects me to, but I sit down and give him a warm smile.

"So, what did you want to see me for Headmaster? I'm truly sorry about not coming earlier but things kept coming in the way…" Now that the bird isn't after me, I take the time of assessing the situation. There are quite a lot of things I can use around here but with the paintings behind him and the firebird behind me I don't think I can make anything look like a coincidence or an accident. And there's no-one to frame either. "Quite alright Mister Potter! Say, would you mind terribly if I were to call you Harry?" I beam at him. "But of course Headmaster! It would be my pleasure!" He smiles back. "So Harry, how are you liking classes at Hogwarts? Do you want some lemon drops?"

I shake my head no.

I do need a clear head to have this talk but when I sense the sweet it feels magical. I won't take the chance of being fed something I don't know the effects of. "I was thinking of going back to the water later and they say it's better if you didn't just eat." I'm not quite as good at sounding wise as I am at sounding arrogant but I manage alright. I frown. "Well, the teachers are great of course… but apart from Mister Quirrell the material is very easy and not very interesting at all. And they don't like it when I ask questions." There's no need to hide that I'm a genius. The teachers and the little show with runes in the hall must have clued him by now.

Well, a sane, logical person would have been clued. Not sure about him but best to play it safe.

"Ah, yes! It was reported to me that you were quite advanced in several classes. So much, in fact, that it was disturbing the course of the lessons. Very impressive at your age, I must say." I puff out my chest as much as I can. Praise from the head honcho himself! Why, that's almost as good as finding a penny in the street! He keeps at it. "But I worry about where you learnt so much. Tell me Harry, who was it that taught you?" I don't even need to fake the confusion that is creeping in my mind. What does he means who? _Where_, I can understand, but _who_? There's no-one but me and myself! "What do you mean Headmaster? Nobody taught me anything… I just bought some books when I entered Diagon Alley… I'm up to fourth year now, but I'm not so good at casting yet…"

He gives me a thoughtful look.

"But when did you have time for that Harry? Don't you live with your muggle relatives? How could you learn so much in such a short time? A couple of months is not enough to study all of that you know." Yeah… It won't work on me old man… There's no way he doesn't know about me not living at Privet Drive anymore. What with the watchers I found out about and all. Hey! I could use them to my advantage! "Well, there was this strange person… I never could tell if it was a man or a woman… Whoever it was wore really odd clothes… I was very curious about what someone so weird was doing around my house all the time, so one day, I followed after. The strange person walked to a derelict house and entered. I waited for him or her to leave again but it never happened. So one day I went there while I knew the person was near my house."

He is sucking my every word. How naïve!

Better keep at it. "The house was really dirty. There was dust everywhere, but especially inside of a small bowl near the chimney. And that was weird too… there was a fire going inside! How could there be a fire when nobody was there? It was creepy but I calmed myself and forced myself to hide in a corner to see what would happen when the mysterious person would come back. I waited a long time but the person came back. I saw when he or she threw the dust at the fire. For a second I thought that the person was angry or something but I heard a shout of _Diagon Alley_! Then the fire turned green and the person stepped in and vanished. I was confused at first but then I tried to do the same and see what happened."

I make another pause and give a small smile.

"I never found who it was but I didn't care much after that. Diagon Alley is such a wonderful place! I went to the bank to try to make a loan and buy some things but they told me that I had lots of money! A vault full of gold! So I took a lot and I bought books…" I think I saw a flicker of rage in his eyes. Someone is going to pay for an imaginary flunk I made up! All the better! "I see… But Harry, how did you go back to your relatives? If you took the floo like I think you did then you couldn't go back without having the address of your parting point." I give him a shrug. "Well, yeah… But I didn't like them very much to begin with anyway. So I changed some money into pounds and I went to a hotel nearby. It wasn't easy to convince the receptionist but when I gave him two-hundred pounds he let me."

Funny enough, that last part is the only one that is purely true.

Greed does that to people. Well, he surely seems to believe what I'm saying… I'm kind of surprised he didn't go for a mental assault yet. Maybe B was wrong about that? "I see. Harry, your problems with your family aside, there are things that you don't know about the wizarding world. I believe that you were told about being the boy-who-lived?" I nod happily. "Well, Sirius Black that escaped our prison recently was a great supporter of Lord Voldemort. It is no longer safe for you to live in that hotel of yours. You must, come summer, go back to the Dursleys! You will be protected there by old magics that I placed myself."

Did he just wave his hand while talking? Does the guy think he is a Jedi or something?

Hey! Great idea! "I must go back to the Dursleys. I will be protected there." He looks kind of suspicious now… Maybe I should have put more of a fight but the inside joke was too much for me. Oh, there he is trying to send a probe in my mind. Quickly, I fool myself into thinking that everything I said was the truth and change my personality to match it. It will last two hours. I hope it's enough. Dumbledore smiles after a minute of silence. "Very good Harry! Now, it's getting late. You should run along if you don't want to miss diner! No need to use the window this time. I think the stairs will do alright."

I nod happily.

I'm so lucky to have met the Headmaster that way! Wait until I tell everybody around! Surely no-one else got to do so in their first year! I'm kind of sad about having to go back to the Dursleys come summer; but if the Headmaster says it's important, then it must be true. After all, he is the greatest light wizard of the century!


	10. Sweet Pranking

**AN(18 September 09):** When Harry complain about how easy the classes are in the last chapter he of course excludes Lockhart and not Quirrel from the list of annoying professors. Sorry for the mistake. The basic idea for this chapter was old, but I struggled to end it. I hope it doesn't show.  
Thanks to the few who reviewed the last chapter and thanks to Hineko for the beta-work. The next chapter is really being a pain and my exams are comming fast, so I don't know when I'll update. Go see my profile I you want to check where I am. Everyone confused about the classification of magic I use should go see my other story in my profile.

Harry Potter isn't mine. I don't even claim credit for the stuff that doesn't come from the book, as I went through a lot of fanfictions in the last three years and can't remember where I possibly took inspiration from.

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Sigh. I think I am going insane. Think that's funny, do you? You think that I'm joking maybe? Well, I'm not. Of course, there are lots and lots of reasons to go insane in the metaphorical sense of the word. For one, our schedule just changed for the fifth time since the year started. It's just so fucking much that I have no idea what day of the week we are anymore! I just follow B and D around, as they seem to be able to memorize all these changes in a blink of an eye. How do they do that? I'm someone with a good memory, but if you keep throwing combinations at me without logic backing it up in the least then I don't see how I'm supposed to cope! When I remember things, I remember lines of thought, events that start logical sequences that lead to a result.

If you ask me to remember phone numbers then I'll tell you to buy an agenda and stop bothering me if you don't want an armored foot up your ass.

Occlumency helps some. I can order my memories by date, but that doesn't stop most of them of being blurry, or even altered somewhat… I guess that I could try to fool myself into thinking that learning my schedule is of capital importance so that my subconscious mind would stop trying to burry what I see as of now as a useless piece of information, but that actually brings the non-metaphorical thing that is making me go crazy. Or so I think anyway. The thought had never crossed my mind before, but recent happenstances lead me to ponder the possibility that messing with your own thought process may not be the brightest idea around.

Well… now that I say it out loud it sounds a little obvious; but really, it sounded like such a neat trick when I first came up with it!

Umm… I think that I should pay a little more attention to what old Nicky is rambling about. I really don't want another incident involving clothes dissolving acids anytime soon. It may seem funny when I say it like that, but it sure as hell wasn't when I happened to be the one having to owl-order more robes from Diagon. To make matters worse, I was partnered with D at the time. You definitely won't be seeing me without my emergency food supplyin this class anymore, _this_ I can tell you! "… and thus, if you don't allow the solution to cool down at least twice the time it was simmering before adding the next ingredient, the energy build up will naturally cascade out of control. In the earliest stage, that is if the proper counter is swiftly administered, the only consequence will be a loss of 35 to 45 percent of the potency of the reagents. In stage two, the potion created will have no effects whatsoever and your cauldron may be damaged by the leaking power…"

And the part that everyone knows about already…

"Stage three, as demonstrated by Mister Longbottom last time will correspond to either a melted cauldron or an explosion, depending of the average density of the components used. Now, for today's lesson. We will attempt to brew the solution known as the _elixir of astral isolation_. Its purpose is to ward magical objects from the effects of the positions of the stars as common enchanters seldom bother with the additional work that represents a shifting array. Can anyone tell me why this is an elixir and not a potion, an unguent or a salve?"

Okay, so now the guy interests me. I have read about this elixir before of course, but I have no idea how to brew it, as the textbook doesn't have anything about it. That's why I love Nick!

Don't get me wrong, I can do shifting arrays. But they do take a lot of work, especially if you aim to actually benefit from the stars' influences"

"Yes Miss Granger?" I already know what lightning-graced-hair is going to say. I heard her mutter to herself behind me while she was trying to dislocate her shoulder by sheer will. I did see something about it in the book, but somehow, it doesn't fit the recipe the fossil gave us. Let's just wait it out. "Garibaldiet says that elixir is _the proper denomination for magical solutions with a cost of production higher than the salary of the master brewer that made them_." She is so busy glowing in self-satisfaction that she doesn't see the disappointment on the old man's face. "Indeed Miss Granger, Garibaldiet does say that in your textbook, but that is his personal opinion and is not applicable to the case here. After all, schoolchildren can not afford ingredients that would be of higher value than even an hour of a Master's salary."

Yeah. I know what was bothering me now. Most of the ingredients are the cheapest around since a high cost would turn the thing useless for merchants.

"If you remember correctly, Garibaldiet brings Canuet's definition up at some point. He does so with the finality of lowering the worth of his opponent's views, so it is understandable that you wouldn't give much effort into assimilating it. Canuet's definition, regardless of its potential validity, understands elixirs as _the liquid version of alchemical products_. If you combine that piece of information with the definition of alchemical products given in the introduction of Garibaldiet's work you will understand what went through the mind of the creator of our solution. Here it is: _alchemical products are after all, not so much the creation of new substances by the combination of essences and the careful direction of energies by ritualism, as they are the magical results of a reaction involving a catalyst_. If you look at the recipe on the blackboard, you will see that here the cauldron must be made of silver. It is not a recommendation to maximize the power but a needed element. Therefore it qualifies."

Oh! Tricky! Guess he was really fishing for talents here. I don't think he was really hopeful though.

Well, I guess I should start the brewing now. B is already dicing the bloodroot and separated the rest of the components for preparation. Which means that I am on stirring duty. I don't mind, really. When I am taking care of the other side of the preparation I usually have trouble stopping myself from going Disney on them and animate both the knives and the ingredients to do the work themselves. I usually did before Hogwarts. Not with all potions though. Some components hold a bit too much magic, even after death, for me to be comfortable animating them. As I can't really do that here because I don't want the attention, and as enchanted stirring tools are somewhat common, my end of the deal is much sweeter to my mouth.

Well, it's started now. I have some time to think before I am needed again. I put a delayed stinging hex on my arm. Keyed on five minutes.

So, what were we saying before the ancient-one decided to break Hogwarts' traditions once again by being interesting? Oh yeah, occlumency troubles. I only ever used it before the conversation with the Headmaster to achieve wandless animation, as Snape never did manage to catch me yet, so I never noticed anything amiss. But after the changes I made expired, I noticed that while I still realize that he is a bloody fucker mentally, there is a lingering feeling of loyalty that I can't seem to get rid of. Which is bad. It makes me wonder if that's why I tend to look at animation as an answer for all my problems.

After all, every time I want to use it I must make myself think that animation is the necessary thing to solve the problem, even if only for a short time.

It was indeed almost true when I was a kid as it was the most powerful form of magic I had access to, but now that I have a wand there are other ways around obstacles. If I'm right, I guess manipulating myself to be different could reverse it, but that sounds a bit too obvious for my tastes. A bit too purebloodish and wizardlike if you will. After all, two opposed forces may cancel each other, but they can have others effects as well. If an amount of pressure is applied on a person with the exact same amount being applied from the opposite direction, while the person won't move from the initial position, you are likely to lose your lunch when seeing the results.

I don't want my mind destroyed because it couldn't cope with conflicting orders.

And that's only the worse case scenario. There's a whole range of nasty results that could come out of it. Freezing during battle as my brain can't pick what I'll do next for one… In fact, I wonder if the craziness of old Dumbles isn't the unfortunate consequence of such a conflict. B did say that he was a master of the mind arts, didn't he? It's not worth taking the risk anyway. Ouch! Oh yeah… delayed stinging hex! The water seems fine. I start the thickening process, adding some powdered blue starflowers every few seconds. B did a good job with the mortar but I can see that D did an even better job. It won't do her much good though, as her redheaded friend is at odds with potions.

I stop for a few seconds to let the solution stabilize.

There! Now I must put the fire out, wait a minute, and then add the newt blood for forty-five seconds. Then lit the fire anew and quickly add the diced bloodroot to absorb the excess. Once the solution is finished the bloodroot residues will be separated from the solution itself. After that there is a bit of waiting and then the decantation, followed at last by the application of pixie spit to give it the gel-like texture needed for application. And here we are. I cast another delayed spell to warn me when I am to start the decantation. I cast a worried look at my wand when I'm done with the spell. I am glad that it isn't one of Olivander's piss poor jobs. As it is the crafter took the time to carve runes for toughness, fireproofing and waterproofing.

A fine investment if I ever made one.

When I was told by the creep, in a very rude manner mind you, that I wouldn't be getting a wand before I was eleven I decided to tell him to go fuck himself. For some reason he didn't appreciate. So when the time came, I went about it by owl-order sending some blood so that they could tell which one was the right one. I wanted to go for a French wand since their enchanters are usually the best in Europe (I though about China but they tend to favor other foci), but it turns out that they don't have wandmakers. Or rather, they _all_ are wandmakers. Everyone make his or her own wand at ten or so. Of course I had heard of such traditions but it was always centered in distant areas like Asia or South America. In the end I ordered it from some unpronounceable place in North-East Africa. It's baobab (don't know the length, the guy didn't say and I never bothered measuring) and the core is what can only be called nundu's crap.

Yeah, laugh it out! It's still a very fine wand!

I would prefer a nobler core, like hair or blood… but let's face it, when it takes a hundred skilled wizards to kill one it's just not worth it. Nundus don't leave pieces of themselves around for people to collect, so the African wizards take what they can. It's in fact a rather potent, if completely random, reagent, as nundus tend to eat a lot of magical creatures that interact in their stomach and are often only half digested when they are expulsed. It's a mystery core! Anyway, what was I saying again before I went all starved on you guys? Oh yeah… I'm kind of worried… it's working fine, but the waterproofing rune only does so much and if being floating wood for a couple of hours is indeed too much for everything to be stopped then it could be very bad.

The core isn't supposed to have a liquid component. Because the core and the wood must be strictly separate if one wishes to avoid entropy.

I really don't blame B and the girls for not taking care of it at the time. If one of my friends or allies were abducted by phoenix in the middle of a conversation, my first reaction wouldn't be to loot whatever was left behind. Well, not unless it was really valuable, easy to sell and untraceable at least. I ponder that while I enter the final stage of the preparation.

Soon enough the final result is on the professor's desk and I am out of the lab munching on a sandwich.

Until little D decide that he should share his thought with me and everybody else in a ten-kilometer radius. "Potter! I demand that you make those awful rumors about me stop! The pride of the Malfoy's name will not be stained any further unless you wish to become no more than a bloody stain yourself!" I blink a couple of times. Whatever. "Wasn't that like two weeks ago? Did the owl you sent your father asking for him to write you what to tell got lost in the way or something? Did it go to an owl party and forgot it was carrying mail in its drunken stupor? Or is it in fact that your father had to ask someone else to write it for him?" B is giving me a disappointed frown but it's so worth it.

After all, the other schools will be there in a week or something and I'll need to be more careful then.

Hey! Why isn't little D sputtering like he always does when I catch him good? Is he building an immunity or something? Well, that just won't do! "I don't care for your delusions. You think you are all witty, don't you Potter? Well, we'll see how witty you are when Professor Snape arrives! I gave him our schedule yesterday and he should be here any moment now. To have a little talk to you about the Slytherin way of life." Shit! I knew I forgot something important! I finished my sweet stash yesterday! How am I supposed to ward he-who-foams if I don't have anything sweet on me? Well, I guess that I could just trounce him but that would be the equivalent of open warfare…

Maybe something devious like a numbing charm on the leg?

Colourless and doesn't really have an incantation or wand movements. In other words perfect. Oh, but I should probably answer him now… "My condolences. I know you are going to miss it dearly and that it was still very young for a neuron, but I think that it's better that way. It must have been awfully lonely for all these years. Now it's happy up there, with all the ones from American presidents, from drug addicts and from professional boxers." Now I'm in doubt. Is the lack of reaction from his newly found resistance or didn't he understand what I said? It doesn't really matter. A great deal of the Gryfindors seems to know what I said and I can see that B is having difficulties containing himself (he is still frowning though).

I don't wait for little D's answer and start making my way for the hall.

He doesn't even try to stop me. How does he hope that Snape is going to catch me for a talk if he warns me of the peril and then does nothing to prevent me from taking counter-measures? Maybe he doesn't know about the sugar curse? That's good I guess. B is walking with me and sighs. "Why do I even try I can't fathom. He is going to declare you his archenemy by the end of the day you know?" I chuckle nervously. No matter how stupid little D is, with his resources even a chimpanzee could do a good deal of harm. "Bah! What else could I do? It's not like I could have stopped the rumor… it's way too strong by now! If I did promise to stop it and then failed he would have hated my guts and my image would have been ruined."

He nods.

"I know. Glad to see that you realize it as well. Still, I have the feeling that even if you could have done something you wouldn't have changed one word. Your _annoying people thing_ is tiring sometimes, you know?" There's a reason I mentally call B my best friend despite him being a stuck up pureblood at times. He knows me too well. The weirdest part is that I don't take any particular pleasure from using my gift. Not any more than from breathing at any rate. But I have other things to think about right now. First there is eating, which tends to be very important on normal days and even more so since my customized holy water ran out.

Then, there is this pranking business.

After the failure with Lockhart (who is still oddly skilled by the way) I didn't do anything big enough to count for the month, and even if I _am_ making progress with the map I can't afford to give it back just yet. There's that secondary array that interconnects with the ward-linking array that-… but there will be time to talk about the map later. My point is that I set some things up this morning. I'll activate it when the meal is at its end for maximum effect. Here we are. I take a seat near D. For some reason, since the incident of the beginning of the year in the common room, her presence seems to ward the nearby area from the lesser (up to fourth year) annoyances of Slytherin.

Let it never be said that she isn't any help!

I start filling my plate with the food worthy enough of being consumed by my glorious self. The prank is going to take it's toll on me since it will work better to animate all the targets at once rather than one by one, and my body will need fine materials do start the repairs while still staying as beautiful as it is right now. Once that much is done, I can't help but notice that there isn't anything sweet handy. That's bad. I don't think that Snape will try anything during the meal but I don't like taking chances… Where is he by the way? Oh there! At the end of the head table, the farthest possible from the other teachers. But why is he like this? After all if there's nothing with sugar around _here_ there shouldn't be anything either _there_… Well, I wouldn't stay too close to Dumbledore if I was he; but that should be pretty much it… Ah! Of course! Hehehe! Just because I don't drink cold sweet soup doesn't mean that normal wizards don't!

I'm really finding a lot of new uses for horrible things these days… Fight fire with even more fire and all that.

I make idle chat with B and trade some offensive comments with D while I eat and wait for dessert. He… I really am settling in. Who would have thought? And here is the famous apple pie! I take a lot but don't eat any for now. I'll indulge once I have the time to go restock at the kitchens. Okay guys! Now's show time! I close my eyes for a couple of seconds and will my magic to change half of the staff's robes to blue and the other half to red. Everyone is laughing already. They seem to think that that's it; even the professors don't look too peeved about it. I take a look around. The twins are laughing but seem a little disappointed. The only one I didn't get was the weird guy with the bionic eye but if I remember what B told me right, the guy's robes are probably almost impervious to magic…

Anyway, time for phase two!

I bring my occlumency and fool myself into animation mode. I know that it isn't safe but this is something I did too often already for whatever damage I caused to myself to increase now. It's new stuff that I need to be wary of. Soon everyone bar the space-pirate is moving like neat little automatons. The screams of indignation kind of ruin the perfect picture but I don't know how to silence people wandlessly. The roaring laughter is making them pointless anyway. Soon enough, they are all divided by clothing colour on either side of the hall. A few of them that have their wand in hand manage to cast a finite but it doesn't have all that much effect as I recast it immediately. It's pretty weird to see people and their clothes as separate entities with the heads and hands just being dragged around by the rest of their bodies.

Now should be the time when the preparations I had to wake up for at bloody five AM come into play.

The Headmaster and Snape are both wearing different colours. Each of them takes position at one end of the room and without warning their long sleeves take hold on placards that were previously under strong notice-me-not charms. It reads thusly: WEASLEY AND WEASLEY PRESENT – BATTLE FOR THE CANDY IN HOGWARTS. While Snape is clearly disgusted by the title I can see old Dumbles' eyes lit up and twinkle merrily. I discreetly drop the notice-me-not charm I put on a large chunk in the middle of head table that is stuffed with sweets of various types. Most of it I nicked from Slytherins idiots that pissed me off at some point. It's really pathetic how simple the wards the seven years had put on their trunks were. I only had trouble the one time when one of the things started spiting fire everywhere when I tripped what must be the single most extended proximity ward I ever saw on an object this size. Makes me wonder how they can walk at all in their dorms…

But back at my current evil plot.

While the red and the blue troops assume battle formations (Well, their robes and shoes so anyway. Some of the heads and hands seem somewhat uncooperative…), each leader takes more placards and gives them to the soldiers. Most are blank right now, but I charmed them with some difficulty to display pre-written texts at certain times. Right now, Snape is saying: THE TIME HAS COME! TODAY WE DESTROY THE PLAGUE THAT IS ALL THINGS SUGARY! TAKE YOUR FREEDOM! And Dumbledore is answering: WILL WE ALLOW IT MY FRIENDS? WILL WE BOW TO FEAR AND PREJUDICE? I KNOW THAT I SHALL NOT! ALL WITH ME! FOR THE LEMON DROPS! Hehehe! Don't look at me like that! So I was a little hungry when I wrote the script, so what?

I don't think it's half bad if the twins having apoplexy attacks means anything at all…

It doesn't take long for the other professors' placards to activate and to start displaying things like: YES! , ATTACK! , NO! , TAGAZOK and other random things. Most of the victims are half smiling now, but the show-off and he-who-is-foaming-yet-again really don't look happy. In fact, I'd say that Snape gives out the aura of your regular psychopath right now… I don't have time to ponder further as I need to recast the animation for part two. As if by mutual understanding, both sides launch themselves at each other. Maybe I'm not impartial, but I think it's beautiful. Some I make do wild acrobatic feats, others I command to use their placards as weapons in fierce duels, one or two I even force to lay on the ground as if slain. I take a look and see that a lot of people are very unhappy right now. While I don't intend them to take actual blows, some are hit anyway because their heads didn't follow their bodies like they should have.

I let a quiet, if manic, laughter when I make my tiny charm professor hop from head to head like a shaolin monk of a bad movie. Soon, only the leaders are left locked in a gruesome placard duel. Splinters of wood are flying everywhere and a good deal of the furniture is being smashed to pieces in the confrontation. After avoiding a strike that could potentially have cracked his skull, animated-Dumbledore sweeps Snape's legs in a fluid motion before standing above him triumphant. His placard comes to life once more. VICTORY! YOU ARE VANQUISHED DARK VULTUREHEAD! ACCEPT YOUR DEFEAT NOW, FOR SWEETS SHALL PREVAIL IN THIS PLACE FOR AS LONG AS THERE ARE CHILDREN!

I know that I'm boosting Dumbles' popularity but I really don't have a choice… I am trying to give credit to the twins after all.

I only make him take the biggest cup of candy and hold it above his head before I release the animations. The first activation took its toll like I knew it would but anything after that wasn't too much of a stretch, so I'm not even sweating anymore. I tune out the applause and the twins bowing to the crowd as well as the angry buzz from the professors and Dumbldore's speech in favor of relaxing. Neither B nor D are looking all that interested by it, it would seem. They are in fact both staring at me. "That was impressive Potter. It's good that you set it up to fall on the idiot Gryfindors backs or I would have needed to kill you… Keep it that way and I may yet think that you could be worth being around." She leaves without waiting for an answer. Huh. Did she just say she would like being friends? Stupid pureblood speech patterns always confuse me! "That's Slytherin girls for you! Always after powerful men! Still, you should be more careful… I don't think that anyone but us noticed anything but you never know…"

I nod. "It was for a trade." He nods back. There's nothing else to say to that and I think he suspected as much. I think I'll go to the library now. Hopefully weed-for-hair is too busy admonishing the twins to disturb me today!


	11. A fascinating girl

**AN(4 October 09): **This chapter really felt like giving birth. I wrote it something like half a page a time on the good days. If you add to that the exams that aren't over yet, it's a miracle I managed at all… Ah, well… at least I do like the final result this time.

Many thanks to everyone who let a review and to Hineko for her work. No idea when the next update will be, check my profile if you can't stand not knowing. Everyone confused about the weird denominations is invited to read Classification of Magic (you can find the link in my profile).

Harry Potter isn't mine. I don't even take credit for what isn't from the books as I can't possibly remember everything I went through on this site in the last three years.

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I'm bored. I've been staring at a fireplace for a good forty minutes now, and I swear to God that if I am forced to do so for even four minutes more then people are going to start dieing left, right and center. It wouldn't even be that hard with everyone being forced to wear ties as part of the bloody uniforms. The worse part is that, even in the unlikely case of the fucking waiting game coming to an end (really, I lost hope fifteen minutes ago…), I will most certainly still be bored for at least an hour still. Whose idea it was to have the foreign students coming by floo, I can only guess, but the pureblood politician bastard best be praying that we don't meet were there isn't at least a dozen reliable witnesses to point accusing fingers my way.

The fucker won't like it otherwise.

Floo is slow. The person behind you can't be sent without the first person having reached the destination already. And there's more. While faster than walking or flying or such things, it isn't instantaneous. Apparition is basically sending oneself to a parallel dimension where the whole universe is compressed within one sole point that is in contact with every single place of our world, there's no significant delay. But floo only speeds things up a bit. So if the distance is great (like a thousand kilometers between here and France… don't get me started on Durmstrang!) it still takes time. If you multiply that by eight hundred students (and there are likely more), you get an idea of why I'm worried about stuff possibly melting or exploding around me

What? It's not my fault that this is the first time I can't do anything to busy myself since I am strong enough to do chores!

Don't get me wrong, boredom is useful. Most of the great discoveries were made out of desperation to stop that particular brand of mental pain. But there's nothing to do and make it stop here. Not constructive boredom at all. In fact I am this close to using the returner in my pocket-trunk to escape from this place right now. Couldn't they have come by train? Or anything exciting, really? Seriously, what does it matter that Black it still on the loose? They are all saying that he is after me, aren't they? Well then, why would he go around attacking foreign students? I mean, what if they all return fire on him? I hear that wizards are not such sheep abroad; and I know that I, for one, would be hard pressed to dodge four hundred spells… Plus there is this business from yesterday. I was examining the way the Marauder's Map array works when activated and I swear to God that I saw his name somewhere on the grounds just as I was deactivating it. When I activated it back I couldn't find him but I'm almost sure that it wasn't a starvation-induced hallucination.

Am I fucked or what?

But now is not the time to dwell on my issues with how small my life expectancy is. Wallowing in self-desperation is, after all, almost no improvement at all from undiluted boredom. Time for something drastic then! I give D a kick in the shin but carefully avoid meeting her gaze. Who knows what could happen to me if I took so much anger head on? "Are you asking for me to kill you Potter?" See what I meant? This is already getting fun! "I wouldn't dare to not refuse to disagree with the possibility that your statement may not lack in truth…" I have no idea if I actually said yes or no to her; but as neither does she, or anyone in the vicinity really, it hardly matters. The best part is that, even if everybody knows that no-one understood, nobody can say it without making a fool of himself or herself.

I wouldn't try it on Dumbledore though. From what I gather, he is the kind of guy who would spend three hours figuring it out just because he couldn't stand not knowing.

"But we may discuss this in more depth at a later date…" I can't resist the temptation and look at her face before I give her a wink. I rule at word games! "…now entertain me! You are a pureblood aren't you? Well, say something stupid then! Or crazy, I'm not feeling picky right now…" I know. It's slightly suicidal to say something like that at the Slytherin table. But really, it isn't half as crazy an idea as the shin kicking was. That and I'm bored. If I can get a good riot going, it's likely that the foreigners will finally arrive right in the middle of it. Or so says Murphy's Law anyway. Clever guy that Murphy. He has his flaws of course… aside from the rumors about him being a her and shooting people that call her cute, you don't see all that many cats with buttered toasts strapped on them floating around.

Of course, there is the possibility of the Ministry of Magic covering it up… I think I saw an article about it in the Quibbler half a dozen months ago.

"Doesn't the old bastard always say in the Prophet and such that death is only the next great adventure? Would that qualify as entertaining enough for you? Because I'm fairly sure that we can arrange something to that effect Potter. Just keep going the way you are and that will be it." Ahhh! That's the stuff! B is good to banter with of course, but the contained violence of D just can't be matched when it comes to have your heart pumping with all its might. The adrenaline is positively making me shudder! I give her a grim smile. "Till death do us part… Are you really tired of me already honey?" She doesn't have time to answer (or to hurt me more likely) because the fireplace finally roars as its flames turn green and the first guest arrives.

About bloody time if you ask me!

Huh. That's… well, that's a big woman. I mean, the fireplace is the only thing in the hall that really can be called great (as there are smaller ones around the castle) but I kid you not, she isn't hard pressed to fill it, and not just on a vertical level either. I really doubt that she'll have kids of her own, unless she uses a form or another of shape-shifting. I even heard that if you do it in your animagus form it can carry over… But that is hardly a healthy mental image to entertain. Let's think about something else. Like about how cute the French firsties are in their shiny blue uniforms. Lucky little bastards! Hogwarts' robes suck big time. One of the things I gathered about my father is that he was so traumatized from these things that he passed half of his time raving about clothes once he graduated. I mean, I do play around with the tie, but recolouring the whole robe would just attract the wrong kind of attention…

I sigh loudly.

I know that I should be dipping in my emergency supplies right about now with the way my mind is wandering but I refrain from doing so. Everything that saves me from boredom is welcome until further notice. I'm halfway through pondering the possibility of good old Dumbles wearing bright clothes just to spite the students that can not when one French girl of fourteen years or so comes out. Somehow she draws my attention to her. I can see her hair, her gold blond hair, giving random reflects of the light. I can see the blue of her eyes, the colour of the Caribbean see. I can see the perfect shape of her body under the silk robes that look made for her. I can even see how everybody else is staring at her, much like I must be doing.

Oh, and I can see her stomp her foot on the ground as well as hear her yell.

"Stop looking! Why do you always look! Stop! Stop! I can't take it anymore! Go away! Stay away from me!" Yeah, the professors put translation charms on the whole building. Guess it will be weird if you start a conversation in the castle and suddenly can't understand anything the person you are talking with is saying because you passed through the great doors… Not that it isn't weird as it is, listening to the foreign sounds leaving her mouth and still being able to grasp the meaning behind them is downright freaky if you ask me. Whatever. The girl's tantrum snapped me out of my absolute fascination for her. Which isn't true for most of the people around me.

Hell, I even see D wiping some drool from the corner of her mouth!

Before I have the presence of mind of trying to sense exactly what made me all lovey-dovey about the admittedly gorgeous teen, she stomps her foot once more and leaves the hall running and most likely crying too. Does she even know where she is going? I seriously doubt that maps of the castle were made available to the visiting students considering how hard it was to get one for myself. I mean, it wouldn't be any fun if they didn't all get lost and ended dead because they went somewhere they shouldn't, would it? Which reminds me that the girl likely doesn't know about there being a Cerberus on the loose and (maybe) a Sirius Black and his hired ninja house elves.

I sigh.

As much as I loathe going looking for trouble I really can't let her go running around like that. There is such a thing as being too pretty to die (or too awesome in my case), after all. And it's not like the teachers look like they are going to do anything about it. Well, I-could snap-your-neck-by-sneezing sort of looks concerned but she doesn't know the place either, does she? At least, I have a good excuse to skip this awful event now. I give a look at B. "Let's go. I don't want the Headmaster's mistakes to diminish my chances at finding a decent correspondent to use as a sounding board for my ideas in runic arrays and in enchanting in general. The French hate us all enough already without having real reasons to do it." He sighs and nods. A man of few words if I ever met one. I turn to D. "Cover up for us if you can?" She frowns but reluctantly agrees. I give her an old-Lockhart-smile and a wink. "I'll give you your thank you kiss when we get back!"

The knife she threw at me didn't connect but it was close. Best to get going.

Now, if I were a fourteen-years-old French succubus-like creature and I were running around in the hope of finding some peace and quiet, where would I go? Well, I guess that I would try the grounds instead of the castle proper… Maybe the forest. Shit! I don't think that Beauxbatons' forest has got anything more dangerous than fairies (not that fairies can't be dangerous if they want to, mind you). I don't think she is going to expect the kind of nasties we have around here… "Go check on the third floor. I'll go and see if she is around the Forbidden Forest. Once you are there use point-me spells until you get a result or until I come for you. You know how to cast those, right?" He does. That's good. "Here, take this." I give him a pair of knives. "Use the first one to stab anything threatening and the second one to stab yourself if you start to feel the way we were in the hall. The pain should help you to focus."

Soon, I am on my way to the forest.

I take the Marauder's Map out and activate it. _Sex on the beach_. What? At least it's shorter! Totally not my fault that whoever came up with the map was a hormonal teenager who created an imprint-personality of himself or herself on the bloody thing! Anyway, I don't know how much help the map is going to be… After all, I don't know her name and there are a lot of ghosts floating around that I don't know either. Hopefully she'll be the only one out of the castle. There is a Fleur Delacour near the West edge of the forest. Let's see if it's her. I walk faster. No sense in giving Hogwarts an opportunity at ambushing me.

It shouldn't as I'm trying to protect a student, but who knows with she-castles, really?

While looking at the map, I take a banana from my emergency stash. No sense in being incoherent anymore now that the threat of madness by inactivity disappeared. Whoever Fleur Delacour is stopped moving on the map. I hope it doesn't mean that she is hurt or something like that. Hey! Is that pinky stalking me? Huh… I totally understand why she goes by Tonks now. It's weird, but at least there aren't a lot of jokes one can make about it. Nymphadora on the other hand… let's just say that it's too bad that I still never got around extracting revenge for that major offense with the whole kidnapping thing.

Poor, poor girl.

"Wotcher! Looks like we got the same idea huh? Hey, is it me or is it like really cold all of the sudden? I'm having chills running up my back…" I snort. "I would propose to warm you up but there isn't time right now. I think that I know where she is, but I am not sure that she would appreciate male company right now. Do you know how to cast a disillusioning spell?" She blinks then nods. "Yes. It's part of the charms on the training schedule for Aurors and I thought that I would get a head-start… Do you want me to cast it on you?" Auror training huh? Well, that's interesting to know. "Go ahead. I'll cover you, though I still won't go too close because of her weird powers. You should be immune to that at least." I try not to think too much about the incredulous snort I get for an answer before she casts the charm.

Unfortunately, there's no way to tell if the shudders come from the spell or something else.

Ah, well… No time to dwell. Which is good. We are walking fast, but it takes forever to reach Fleur Delacour. Did she really need to go this far? It's not like normal wizards would go after her… and even if they did, well… a couple extra kilometers isn't going to make a big difference is it? Hum… well, I guess that for someone like little D it would. He only prays on the weak, so it wouldn't be worth the hassle for him. And here we are. Just as I finish a second banana I get a glimpse of her blue dress through the vegetation. I whisper to T to go on.

She does. Carefully. So as not to startle her.

"Wotcher!" Or not. I can feel a headache starting to form already. The girl is, of course, ready to run for it, but I hit her with a muttered and colourless calming charm. Not quite as good as the potion but what can you do? "Hey there, no need to be afraid! I just came to see if you are alright. I'm a prefect, see?" Obviously, the girl doesn't see because she is fighting the effects of the spell with all her might. But what else did I expect? We are outside after all. So no translation charm for us. Yay! The best part is that I never learned anything that could help. I'm _so_ not about to try legilimency for the first time on an unknown entity. And, in fact, I didn't even know there were such things as translation spells before the teachers told us about the one they put on the castle for the tournament.

No matter how many times I say it, it still surprises me that you learn something new everyday.

T has clearly seen that she isn't helping any because she seems nervous, which incidentally isn't helping either. I take action before things go too far. With the help of my awesome recolouration powers I make it so that a rock in front of T starts displaying a message from me to her. It says: _Take your wand out and pretend to cast spells on nearby rocks. I'll try to translate things for you._ She nods, as if to herself, and points her wand at the rock the furthest from the French girl, who is babbling incoherently at this point. I take a second to think and concentrate. There! Blue script is appearing where T is pointing her focus now. It isn't French of course, as like I said I don't speak (much less write) French. But if I remember right, Beauxbatons' students have mandatory classes on runes. If she really is fourteen like I think she is, then she should have a good enough grasp of the Nordic runes to understand what I say.

Let's hope at least.

It isn't easy. While writing in a runic alphabet is not too hard, I can't really use the translated letters to form English words like I would normally do or she won't understand a thing. So I can either use the runes as letters and write in a Nordic tongue (yeah, right!), or I can use the broader (and older) runes that have more like words/expressions meanings. The latter is not too hard, but it can lead to weird interpretations and there are words like _prefect_ that simply don't exist. So the real translation of what I made of T's sentences is something like: _Salutations. Being afraid is unnecessary. I am to observe if you are unharmed. I represent the law._ So yeah, it's a little weird, but that's what you get for rushing things.

It's not like this is everyday occurrence!

At least she seems to understand since she (French girl) is answering now. She just took some parchment and a quill and started writing. The problem, of course, is that I don't know how I am going to read it all the way from here… I hope that pinky picked runes as an elective. If she does want to be an auror, then Care of Magical Creatures is a must, but she could have picked either Runes (for wards) or Muggle Studies as the second elective. Come on, don't be a pureblood! Come on! Yes! She is translating! "I am… in satisfactory condition? The eyes of the… people… are restless and cause… despair. This fate I… win? …from the weight of my lineage. Foolishness… from myself… to react in such shame, I bear. But I tire of their affections." Huh. Well, either French-girl sucks or T does because this is the shoddier translation work I ever witnessed.

And please keep in mind that I was there when I started to learn runes. Granted, I _am_ a genius…

"Ok, so the stuff in the Great Hall happens a lot. Well, I can definitively help you there. I'm a metamorphomagus myself and I had to deal with a lot of shit because of it. You just need to create a shell for a time. Pick a couple of friends you really want in your life and offer a mask to the rest of the world. Something to keep them at bay until you feel comfortable with yourself." A shape-shifter? Oh, I really did pick well! Those are just too damn useful! A prefect/future-auror/metamorphomagus is very hard to top. Like the caviar of the minion world. If you add to that that she didn't pick Muggle Studies and is therefore likely not a pureblood… Well, that's lieutenant potential if I ever saw it!

But maybe I should go on with the translation…

The best I can come with is something like: _It is eternal? I will assist. I have similar problems being a changeling. You must shield yourself from the people but have one or two trusted allies. Keep all other far until you fully enter your maidenhood_. While the girl is puzzling the meaning behind the odd agglomeration of words, I ponder T's status some. I don't think that she realizes just how useful her talent is. European wizards aren't big on Black magic; it has got a bad reputation for some reason or another. But Asian and African wizards see shape-shifting as much more than a substitute for powerful glamours. It is the best tool to play with Body magic, to implant Form magic in your own self. Indeed, while there are very few better ways to gain superhuman qualities than reorganizing your blood circulation into an appropriate runic array, it may cause even greater problems than tattoos would to a normal wizard. But T could play with it without having to worry too much about screwing up since she could always undo it in a blink of an eye.

Well, unless she screws up so bad that she dies, that is.

But what are the chances huh? If I'm the one doing the planning, then I would say close to nil. No, as long as I am the one telling T what she can or can not do, I'm pretty sure that she would do a wonderful Black mage. I just have to see if I can find good books about Location and Soul magic for her… I am unsure if the Potter vault's books are high level enough for someone with her obvious potential. Looks like the blond one finally got the general meaning of my message. She seems really excited and quickly writes something back. Which is almost bad, as I need to pinch myself quite hard to disperse the haze that her strange powers are starting to put me in. T translates the best she can. "Praise… to… providence! After much… fight? …a kindred spirit… is found. The sharing of… the tales is our goal. I beg you to… bestow? …your wisdom upon me. I would be forever… be strapped to you? That can't be right…"

I almost give my presence and position away by slamming my hand on my face.

Of course it isn't right! Is she dumb? The girl obviously meant to say _bound_, not _strapped_! I definitely can't afford to associate with people with such lame understanding of runes, especially so if they are as old as T and take the elective. So she is totally joining B until I am not ashamed of knowing her anymore. That, and she'll owe me for it. Well, she looks like she gave up on translating for now. "Look, how about we go talk about it inside? It'll be way easier. We'll go to an isolate corner I know about. Nobody will bother us there." My final translation comes out as: _Let us discuss inside the stronghold. I know of a peaceful place where no man shall intrude_. The blonde agrees. Thank God! I'm glad it's over for me. It's downright cold around here and I can't feel my legs all that well anymore. Plus, we are technically in the forest and that doesn't sound good no matter how you put it.

I let the both of them go ahead.

It takes a couple of minutes for the younger girl's presence to vanish. I start heading back towards the castle. Hopefully there won't be any more incidents of the kind until I am as bored as I was today. I take the map from my pocket and look for B while I walk. There he is! It shouldn't be too long before I join him. I wonder why one Susan Bones and one Hannah Abbot are next to him on the map… Hmm… isn't Bones the name of Assistant's aunts? Oh dear! Poor B! If he spent that much time with these two without any male around to give him moral support… Well, that can't have been a very pleasant experience, can it? If you add to that the suicidal tendencies of the pair and where they are exactly…

Maybe I should walk a little faster, yes?

I start running. No point in tempting fate. That, and the less time I am alone inside the walls the better I'll feel. After all, I don't know how long the _I was helping a student_ excuse will last with Hogwarts. Soon enough I am tumbling down the final corridor. I can see B and the Hufflepuff girls sitting against a wall. Something isn't right here. Why isn't Assistant making my Social Skills teacher's ears bleed? Why are they all that pale? Did they just have an encounter with the Cerberus? That doesn't make sense… the girls already met with it and B knew about it at least. They shouldn't be like this. "What happened?" If anything, my question seems to startle them further yet. B levels his wand. Assistant and H soon follow. "Show yourself! Or I will start throwing _reductos_ around!" What? Oh! Yeah! The disillusioning charm is still in place! _Finite incatatem_. Why isn't it working? Is it such an advanced charm that it needs a stronger counter? Well, better not to make them wait.

My shields are good but I'd rather not test them like this.

"It's me! Harry! Pink prefect used the chameleon charm on me!" That seems to cut the deal. The three of them relax instantly. "I don't suppose that one of you guys know the counter? No? Didn't think so." I sigh. "You'll be happy to know that the French girl's problem is over, by the way. So, what the hell happened here? You three don't look too hot…" In fact, H is shivering. B is the one who answers. "Harry, we just saw a professor being eaten by the Cerberus." Oh.

Well, bugger!


	12. Unusual Suspects

**AN(28 October):**Errors fixed thanks to David305. This chapter took a long time to write and update, but I blame exams and Hineko's new story I'll be betareading for it. Hopefully, chapter 13 will be ready by Halloween. I don't fancy this chapter, but I definitly think it's decent, I'll wait for feedback and see.

About reviews... well, thanks to everyone that let one... a week ago I would have been pretty upset with the really low numbers and be whining right now but it seems that it isn't meant to. Just please take the time if you have it. Please.

Everyone confused about the magical classification I use is invited to check in my profile to see my companion fic especialy written for the purpose of helping you. Incidentaly, you can check my writing progress there too.

Harry Potter isn't mine. I don't even take credit for what isn't from the books as I can't possibly remember everything I went through on this site in the last three years.

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There is much to be said about arguing. Of course, there is much to be said about pretty much everything I care to think about, but right at this instant I feel like there is much more to be said about arguing than about the weird cake I just took a bite of. And that's saying a lot considering how the thing tastes… "What do they even put in this? Is it even a real cake? No, don't answer that. I'm not sure I want to know… In fact I'm pretty sure that I _don't_ want to know… unless it's poison…" So yeah, after three days of arguing I am starting to get a little tired. Keeping in mind that the people I am arguing with are purebloods for the most part can you blame me? Well, if I am to take the odd looks I got for my last comment _they_ sure do. I sigh. It's been _three bloody days_ since the foreigners arrived and we still haven't sorted the shit that came up. That's why I am firmly against democracy until such a day when we don't have crazy or stupid people on Earth anymore. I don't even know why I still care.

Oh yeah. The possibility of either dying myself or being accused of murder.

"So... let's get this cleared." We aren't really clearing anything by discussing it again, but each minute I spend on condensing previous conversations is a minute they stop talking. I jab an accusing finger millimeters from B nose. "You went there, like we agreed you were going to, and obviously didn't find the girl, since she was with me and Pinky there." I wave my hand in T's general direction before I turn my head sharply to look at Assistant and H. "Then, the both of you joined him because you missed the feeling of imminent death that a two-tons Cerberus can bring." H looks ready to argue about that. Which I understand. After all, I did send B to the very same place with only one runic dagger to protect himself. Granted, any hit from a _blade of cold blood_ will put pretty much anything out of commission for a good twelve hours, but what if he had missed?

But now isn't the time. We already argued about it maybe four or five times.

"After putting B through a good ten minutes of verbal torture while he casts the point-me spell from time to time, you see one of the new charms professors." I pause. "It wasn't the old flame's wife was it?" Can't believe I never thought to ask that particular question before. Thankfully, Assistant shakes her head no. "Her name was Charity Headstone, I think." I sigh in relief. While I don't particularly care for the female relic, I really don't want to get on the ancient one's bad side. So I like it better when a nobody dies when the death in question can be linked to me. So sue me. For some obscure reason, people seem to believe that Nick is a paragon of goodness, much like they think Dumbles is. As I say all the time, people are stupid. I seriously doubt that a guy born in the Middle Ages can be even _close_ to _good_. Oh, he is pleasant to be around, that much I can't contest. And he really knows his stuff.

But even if we take the common folk's views of goodness he is gray at best.

The philosopher's stone is the biggest example there is. While nobody knows the specifics, it is known that it is a catalyst involved in the creation of alchemical products such as the Elixir of Life. I don't know if it's based on Body or on Soul magic; probably Soul magic since it's used to change common metals to gold too, which is clearly Essence magic of the highest caliber, and that would make the stone an Essence oriented artifact while Body magic tends to be closer to Form magic for humans. In any case, it's clearly partly Black magic with another part likely being White magic for restoration and simply to balance the thing.

But once again, I'm losing myself. I eat a couple of crackers (I'm still suspicious of the perhaps-cake).

"Yes, her. You see her, walking calmly down the corridor. Of course, you all start stammering excuses for being where you are (save B who just twitched some), but she passes right by you without saying a word. She takes her wand and opens the door before going in. You three hear some shouted spells and a lot of barking and growls before the noise stops altogether. When B goes take a look he finds the mortal remains of the professor and a now only two-headed, but still very much alive, Cerberus. Does that sum it up?" I only get a few nods as an answer. Frankly, I think I like it better that way but I can't help but sigh again. "Okay. Did any of you manage to take a look at her eyes? This sounds like mind-control and the easiest way would be the _Imperius_…" B gets thoughtful. "I'm not sure… I think I saw a dazed look, which would fit with the Imperius if she wasn't ordered to act naturally but I wouldn't bet my life on it."

So basically nothing new.

I think it's time for the debate to go forward. "How about we just assume that she was controlled or that she was doing someone else's binding?" H interrupts me this time. "But if that were the case, wouldn't Dumbledore know about it from the body's remnants and warn the students and their guardians about it?" See what I have to put up with? The question that plagues my mind is: _is it really worth it?_ B shows his skill by holding back his incredulous snort. Unfortunately, I'm not nearly as good as he is. Not that I would have tried to do the same if I could anyway. "I think I need a third category of purebloods. I'll call it Self Hating and Easily Enthralled Purebloods. S.H.E.E.P. for short. The late Charity Headstone will be on the top of the list along with you since I couldn't think of any E-word that meant gullible or naïve." So maybe I went a little far with this one, but if they aren't used to it by now, then maybe it would be for the best if they left.

I'm not the most pleasant person when under pressure.

H doesn't look happy, but she doesn't try to assault me. Always a good sign. Since she seems to be waiting for me to expand on the insult I keep going. "Old Dumbles didn't even tell the school that a teacher got offed. _I'm sorry to announce that miss Headstone had to leave abruptly to take care of family matters_." Seriously, even the guy who predicts the weather on the TV doesn't spurt that kind of bullshit "I'm sure he didn't lie; after all joining the family grave must count, no? Do you really think that he is stupid enough to give people a perfectly good reason to ignore his political power and kick him out of Britain's most prestigious position? A position that he can probably keep until the day he dies if he doesn't manage to screw up big time? I bet that even Assistant's aunt knows nothing about it." Nobody answers. Everybody here is bright enough to connect dots at this point. I think they all got some political training, so it isn't too surprising that they can all at least partly avoid the Dumbledore-is-god's-gift-to-wizardkind effect.

Only the stupid purebloods and the muggleborns fall for it completely.

Though I would have myself if he hadn't messed with me directly I think. Yeah, he is _that_ good. "Look, I don't know about you all but I really don't feel like being at the wrong end of an _obliviate_… And I don't fancy the idea of being killed by whoever or whatever is trying to get past a fucking Cerberus either. So the next logical step is figuring out what is happening and trying to get away from it. I really hope that this was just a crazy woman trying to do whatever by herself, but there is just too much weird stuff going on for me to just assume it is." T speaks up. "Well, if she was controlled then the Cerberus must be guarding something. The only other reason for it to be here would be to keep the bloody thing itself safe but I don't see how a dead Cerberus can be any help and the woman took one of its heads away, so that can't be it."

I nod.

"Yes. Potions ingredients, while of high value wouldn't be worth the risk of trying to kill it by oneself… Okay, new rule. No-one tries to get past it to verify this theory. Whether T is right or wrong doesn't matter, as what we want to know is who is dangerous around here. Not what the dangerous people want." That isn't exactly true, but even H nods. "The next thing is looking for information on the people who could be behind it. But we don't want to become targets either. If I were to guess, whoever is behind this mess, if we assume there is sentience behind it, doesn't care about Dumbledore knowing about there being something off. But this person likely doesn't want to have half of the government after him or her. He or she must know that as long as normal people are killed, Dumbledore will get rid of the evidence. So having a very strong public image would be a good bet to avoid being picked next. Who is an heir to an hereditary seat on the Wizengamot here?" Only T doesn't raise her hand. That's good. I hoped it would be the way it is. "Good. Very good. You are all protected to an extent as I am. T, you need to fix that. Prefect is good, but not enough. You need to enter the Triwizard tournament and be selected."

Everyone gives a small start. Apparently, even with the Goblet of Fire being on the mind of everyone else, they all forgot about it.

"Let me get this straight. Your plan for keeping me safe from a possible threat is to enter my name in a competition where I know for a fact that I'll be in danger?" It looks bad when she puts it that way, doesn't it? I nod anyway. She is grinning now. "I knew it was only a matter of time before we corrupted you!" What can I say to that? She is right and we all know it. Best to try to divert the subject. "While it is a dangerous competition, you will at least have an idea about what you will be facing and you will most likely have time to prepare for the challenges. That and if you die it's bad publicity for the school." The damn pink-head is still grinning, but she takes a more serious look eventually. "Fine. But that still doesn't answer how we are going to make sure that I am the one it chooses."

I snort. Like _that_ will be a problem.

"Trust me. If your name is inside you'll be picked. As I said yesterday, I fancy myself an Enchanter, and the Goblet of fire is one very famous artifact. One that isn't lost I must add. If I had enough time I could probably gather enough data to _make_ it choose you. But it won't be necessary. The thing works on potential. It doesn't read your actual skill, as the creators thought that it would invade on the privacy of the contestants, but it knows just how good you _could_ be. That's why so many died before. Because of the disparity between the potential and the actual skill of the participants. Well… that and the stupidity of the examiners of course. The thing is that you are almost guaranteed to be an excellent Black mage since you are a metamorphomagus. If you add to that your talents in both Gray and Red magic you could turn into an archmage if you wanted to. I am pretty much counting on it, in fact."

Weird how it's funnier to watch a metamorphomagus blush than normal people.

I take a moment to think. While everything I said was the absolute truth, she needs a lot of work in the areas that Hogwarts doesn't teach. Thank God, occlumency is something she worked on because it's required (at novice level at least) of all the high-level ministry officials. And aurors count. It's kind of appalling that it means that the Minister and his toady have some magic skill. It's bad enough to live in a society where crazy people can be skilled enough to kill you, but when stupid people start to be able to as well… not good. Anyway, everyone here knows at least the basics and I don't think that Dumbles can get away with trying anything of the sort to them when they can detect it.

At least not often enough for him to do it on a whim.

I start talking again when I notice Assistant beginning to doze, efficiently startling her. "You should start training as soon as you can. Keep honing your Red magic like you usually do, but start looking into other fields too. At the very least try White magic for healing and such. I'll give you a couple of books for Black magic and we'll see what you need in Gray magic before each task." While T is most likely pondering just how much time this is going to rob from her I make a mental list of the arrays easy enough to make that could give her an edge if things go south. In fact, now that I think about it, minions are a precious commodity in these days. Maybe I should equip them all soon, as they all pretty much accepted me as the leader of the group.

But that can wait a bit.

"Back to the murder issue now if you all will." Nothing like sentences of this kind to get people's immediate attention. Wonder why? "The first thing that we should do is write down a list of the biggest suspects around. Meaning, anyone with the skills, the motivation, or the plain creepiness necessary to do the deed. We'll start with everyone who could fit and then begin eliminating people." I take some parchment and a self-inking quill from my pack and wait for them to start. B is the first one to react. "Well, Dumbledore himself fits the skill and maybe the creepy requirements… Then we have Snape since he was a Death Eater… Mad-eye is one other I know that can cast the Unforgivables. Of course, it's pretty hard to evaluate motivation without knowing what the thing is there for."

I nod. I already knew about the first two, but the last one is somewhat of an unknown.

"I never said that we couldn't try to know what the Cerberus is guarding. I just said that nobody is trying to get past it so that we can know. Someone in the staff placed it there for a reason, at the very least the Headmaster should know what is behind it." Not that he is likely to part with the information, but it's always good to point those things out because it helps to follow the logical conclusions that arise from it. Assistant continues. "Since he announced it at the feast the heads of house are probably in the know. If half the things that auntie said about McGonagall are true there is no way she wouldn't get an answer from him." I give the statement some thought. She is definitely right about that, the question is if anyone else knows. All those are too close to the old man for them to let something slip… which is incidentally why I am sure that they know.

But we are drifting from the original subject here.

"Ok, back to the suspects. We'll explore this lead later. I think that Lockhart's sudden change of attitude is suspicious enough to give him a temporary place on the suspects' list. Then there is that Joanson healer-woman…" I ignore the mutters of _Hestia_ _Jones_ coming from the Hufflepuff side of the room. "…with her weird evil aura that can be seen with a basic _suboculus_ charm. And the ever-suspicious old flame that woke up sometime during the summer vacations and decided that he wanted to stop hiding from the world and teach at Hogwarts… his wife too of course. Oh, and probably the ministry too if they have someone skilled enough. And most likely little's D father since he came visit just the other day."

Damn, but that's a lot of suspects. And I don't think the list is going to shrink any time soon.

I give a dramatic pause. Of course, I leave the best for the end. "Then, we have our number one suspect… a man with no conscience, a traitor… someone who had access to the best Black magic library of Britain for more than twenty years… elite auror during the last war… master of Red magic and reputed transfiguration master… supposed right hand of the last British Dark Lord and reportedly first man to escape the wizarding prison of Azkaban since the ministry allied itself with the foul Dementors. I'm talking, of course, of Sirius Black, the last acknowledged British scion of the house of Black." As a somewhat muggle-raised I half expect the guy to enter the room under the public's delirious applauses, cheers and catcalls after such a presentation.

Though I'm kind of glad it didn't happen… I didn't have time to trap the place so I don't think I'd do well in a fight, right here and now.

I shrug the stumped looks I'm getting from my minions with practiced ease. B gathers his wits first. "Are you ever going to use my teachings in a conventional way?" I give him a frown. "Hey! I'm trying ok?" Seriously, how often do people need to make this kind of speech? If I had to wait for what he defined as the normal situation I'd be rusty by the time it happened, and that is if it ever did! "Anyway, that is clearly not the point here. Please don't change the subject." I wait for Pinky's snickering to die down before I go on. "The point, in fact, is that I have in my possession a very useful (and very _secret_!) way of accessing the monitoring wards of the school. I can't be sure of it since the monitoring can only be done in an active manner, but I think I caught a glimpse of Black on the grounds just the other day." It's very disappointing when you are expecting exclamations of surprise and terror and all you get is pensieve faces and nods.

Still, I do my best at hiding my chagrin.

Assistant speaks first. "It makes sense that he would be around. If we are to believe the papers he is after you. But I don't think that he is the most likely suspect for the Cerberus case. Why blow his cover by doing that if he just wants to kill you? Especially if the wards can spot him." She is right of course. That's why I keep her around, I guess. While hiring ninja house elves or mind-controlling random people in the hope of offing me makes perfect sense if he doesn't want the Headmaster to know he is here, making the people he controls roam the castle and fight magical creatures of great power doesn't add up with it. The question is: Is the guy sane enough to still make rational choices? Or at least what pass for rational choices amongst wizards? If you consider the fact he is a pureblood that isn't stupid plus the ten years of torture thingy… well, let's say that there is a reasonable doubt.

Urg! Herlock Sholmes had it easy. I don't think he ever had to deal with anyone that wasn't sane…

"Ok, let's not assume anything yet. I agree that doing so wouldn't make a lot of sense; but even if Black is still in his right mind, which is doubtful, it is still possible that whatever is on the third floor is just as valuable, if not more so, than my final demise." I sigh again. At least we covered a good deal of issues today. But it's getting late. "Well, we really should all get going… unless someone fancies waiting for Filthy the caretaker to come visit?" Didn't think so. I heard that some pureblood families only use cleaning spells instead of bathing… now whatever would happen if they ever had a squib in the family? Yeah, that would explain a lot… maybe I can get the guy a pamphlet on hygiene from muggle primary school? Now that I think of it, did I ever see the foaming guy cast a spell? You don't technically need to be a wizard to brew potions (though it does help a lot)… Maybe the reason he didn't cast a finite on his hair when I used it against him was that he actually couldn't.

B tugs on my right sleeve. Everyone left already. Hmm… time for another cracker then.

We start walking while I eat. Something is bothering B. I can tell. That says a lot when you take into consideration my utter lack of skills in empathy. "What is on your mind?" When in doubt be blunt, that's what my motto would be if I had one. "I think we should tell Daphne." Well, I'll give him points for being so… _Harry_. But D is kind of a friend. I won't do that if I don't have a good reason… and world domination doesn't count. "Why?" If it's to protect her then she is in. If it's because he thinks we could use her right now then we'll need to make a small side trip to the medical wing. Being annoying is one thing, offing enemies is fine, not caring too much about what happens to innocent bystanders I can deal with, but I draw the line at putting friends at risk.

All the more when they are cute girls.

"She is only second in line. And her family doesn't hold all that much power anymore. I don't think she should wander alone with people like Headstone vanishing. She was quickly making a name for herself in the charms' community, you know? I was surprised to hear she accepted such a low salary position… must be the tournament." I smile a little. Good. "You do realize that she'll probably want to warn that girl whose shade of red is the same as Assistant, right? She's a half-blood isn't she? She doesn't look like she has got occlumency training…" I pause. "That's fine. I'll train her quickly. If Dumbledore makes a scan it wont be that odd considering how much her family business is growing these days." Hehe. I think he accepted a little too quickly… I wouldn't be surprised if he had occult motives. Well, if I'm right then I just got my hands on some majorly embarrassing material… I don't think that B will enjoy the next time he beats me to the ground while pretending to teach me fencing… hehehe!

"Riiight!"

No answer. How surprising. Well, at least we are walking a lot faster now… B normally slows us down by going all nonchalant about it… it's ver-Ompf! I seriously need to start increasing my weight if every fucking time I run into some bloke or another I end up thrown on the ground after a three meters flight. "Harrikins! – My good friend! – We were looking – for you!" Seriously? Them? Their speech patterns alone give me headaches, let alone the guys themselves! Couldn't they have gone after me at a better time? I'm dead tired right now. Well, not that talking with them in the morning would be any better… and I really don't think I would enjoy it while eating either… which leaves… well, the only time of the day it would be welcome is during some of the classes.

Transfiguration would be extra-good.

I sigh. "Hey guys. What do you want?" Of course I said it a little rudely, but what else did you expect? It's not like they seem to mind. Maybe they are used to it? My fan in their family certainly seemed rude enough and that was with me. How much worse would it be with someone he doesn't worship? "Ah, little one – you wound us! – Your cruelty – really knows – no bounds! – But this is not – the right time to – discuss your lack – of humanity. – We just came – to tell you that – we acquired everything – that you said you- would need for – the next one." They did, did they? How on Earth they found a hundred thousand liters of green paint I'll most certainly never know. Something illegal I'd wager, but the specifics will be lost to the future generations.

I give them a thin smile before I start walking again.

I look at B. "Don't think that I forgot about our earlier conversation. While I forget important things all the time, I very seldom do so with embarrassing things." Hehe. Got him to blush. Which reminds me that I didn't extract my revenge on T yet. Maybe I should give her some special attention when I fulfill my monthly quota for the twins? Soon enough we are in our dormitory again. For the hundredth time of the day I sigh. Somehow, I can feel that things will start going to hell very soon. A lot of people in Hogwarts don't believe in Divination, but I know better. Instinct and Form magic can bring you far even if things aren't set in stone, and I'm not sure they aren't. Determinism always made a great deal of sense to me, though it's mostly useless since the observation of the data affects the data itself.

Anyway, I can feel that it's going to be bad very soon. Bad but possibly funny. Soon.


	13. Arguably dangerous future

**AN(05 November):** Hehehe... so I am a little late... sorry about that. I personaly blame the lack of reviews but feel free to blame anything else. My thanks to the people that did review. What else? Oh, things are really starting to pick up speed now so the next chapter will probably be one of the last carefree chapters for a good while...

Everyone confused about the magical classification I use is invited to check in my profile to see my companion fic especialy written for the purpose of helping you. Incidentaly, you can check my writing progress there too.

Harry Potter isn't mine. I don't even take credit for what isn't from the books as I can't possibly remember everything I went through on this site in the last three years.

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"Harry Potter."

Right. Of course. I don't even know why I was expecting anything else, really. Too much of a tempting target for my own good, both for real people and in Fate's eyes. And I can't blame anyone but myself for it either. _Trust me. If __your__ name is inside you'll be picked._ What a stupid thing to say. Of course, I wasn't wrong. In fact, until two minutes ago I was cheering T (not with nearly as much gusto as Assistant or H, but at least twice as loud as B). So, that's not the true problem. Like always, I was right and all the others just lacked in the faith department. Long life to our supreme leader Harry James Potter and all that. Except not. While the powers that be couldn't get away with altering one of the most sacred rules of the universe by making me wrong (which just _can't_ happen), they went for the second best thing.

That being making my life miserable, and possibly very short.

Having a fourth name pop out of the Goblet of fire isn't technically possible. It isn't. It just fucking _isn't_. The creator just didn't build it that way. If you wanted it to do that you'd need to build another one or bend the rules of reality. But, and here is the catch, I never said before that it wasn't possible. Because it's so impossible that it never even crossed my mind. It's a taunt, really. Whoever was responsible for it up there did it to show me that unless I start stating every single impossibility out loud I'm still under control. I'm sure of it! But that's not what is worrying me right now. The fact is that a real person must be behind this too. Someone wants me inside this dangerous event, and unfortunately the list of suspects is even bigger than the potential murderers' list.

Seriously, how is that even possible?

Well, because when you face something as impossible as this, you can't ask yourself who could have done it. The answer would be that nobody could. But somebody did. So if you forget about the means then all you have left is the motive. And pretty much everyone would enjoy seeing me struggle for my life. There are those who wish me harm, there are those who wish to test me, there are those who wish to make money on my back, there are those who wish to control me, and then there are those who just like watching the distress of celebrities. When I take into consideration that we are in the wizarding world, I wouldn't be surprised if some guys out there fit each and all of the categories.

Fuckers!

I wonder briefly if Sirius Black is involved this time. I saw him again on the Map just the other day (still on the grounds) but he doesn't look like he gathered enough guts to enter the castle just yet. But I really don't have time to dwell right now. I think that the old bastard is about to call my name again and that wouldn't go well with my public image. I prepare my unique form of occlumency, just in case, and start to smile thinly. "Thank you! Thank you very much!" My boisterous attitude seems to shake the twins out of their daze and they quickly stand on their chairs and start to shout. "Bravo" "Most excellent" "Remarkable!" "Hogwarts is twice better than anywhere else! I always said it!" That last comment really does the trick and my compatriots start to cheer me as well.

The foreigners though… not so much.

In fact, the only Brits I can see scowling as much as the French and the whatever-they-are in Durmstrang are little D and He-Who-Foams. So much for having sounding boards by owl mail. I have to hold myself from sighing. Bah, it's not like I could have kept my gift in check for a whole year anyway! I give several bows to the crowd to drive them wild. Some hats are flying. You never truly felt like an agent of Chaos and Destruction until you drove berserk a bunch of kids at least once. Mark my words. I keep waving while I direct myself to the room the other champions went to. I even blow a few kisses and send winks to some of the older girls. I do it all perfectly. While I really suck at acting humble I have a strong affinity with arrogance.

The next part is the one that'll be tricky.

My smile drops as soon as I enter the small room where T, the French girl we helped just the other day and the weirdo from Durmstrang are waiting. I force my eyes to start roaming and my body to shake in a show of nervousness. As hot as the place is I am even starting to sweat. I ignore the numerous questions from the blonde and the unspoken curiosity from T. The judges don't take long to join us, one of them couldn't look happier in fact. "Wonderful! Truly, we are making history! A first year as one of the champions! Of course, there was always the possibility since it was open to anyone who cared to try their luck and skill, but I never ever imagined that… And a _fourth_ champion for the _Triwizard_ Tournament!"

Of course the others don't look so pleased and soon everyone is talking at the same time.

But I don't pay much attention to the screaming and raging idiots. My eyes are focused on Dumbledore like any good sheep would in my supposed situation. I make my voice quiver slightly "Headmaster! It's a joke right? I won't really have to participate, right? Right?" Maybe I went a little heavily on the hysterical side near the end but I don't think that my interpretation is all that bad. Of course, I already know that there is no backing out of it. As I said to T, I know a lot about this particular artifact. But he doesn't know that, and I doubt he'll resort to using legilimency on me in a room full of untouchable witnesses.

It's not like I couldn't sucker him again if I had to anyway. Granted, it _would_ make me a little crazier…

"I am truly sorry Harry. I can tell that you had no part in this, but there is nothing that I can do…" I make a show of shrinking upon myself. What he said is not _technically_ true. While there is an unbreakable biding link and while _directly_ destroying the goblet wouldn't do anything but kill the four of us, he could drain the magic of the goblet until it hadn't anything left to bind me (thus destroying the evil thing without ending my life), or change the tasks so that I wouldn't be at risk by participating (aka the common sense solution). Fat chance of any of the two happening. My pondering of any other escape means are interrupted by the Potion Master squib himself. "Headmaster! You can't seriously believe that he isn't involved. You saw his arrogance back there! He should be expelled!"

I give him an outraged frown.

"You aren't a judge! Who the hell are you and what are you even doing here?" Oh! _Now_ he is mad! Biggest woman on this side of reality was in the blasting zone and has got foam all over her right sleeve and then some. "You insolent brat! I am your head of House!" Oh. Oh no. He didn't. I really can't let that one go. It's just too good an opening not to take advantage of it. Of course, I'll most likely be in mortal peril before I finish my answer but it's stronger than me. "Is that so? Well, you obviously don't usually take that responsibility very seriously since this is the first time you even talked to me." I don't know what did it. Was it the nonchalance? Or maybe the irony? All that I can say is that I still got it. Trying to attack an eleven-year-old student in front of two ministry officials and two foreign headmasters?

How wizard-like.

I stop myself from giving the stunned body of Severus Snape a kick. I am supposed to be an arrogant coward, not a bully. "Ah. Like he could take me anyway! Seriously? A potion master? I took dark wizards head on when at an age where he probably wasn't even potty trained!" The fact that I don't think I was either when I offed Voldemort is totally irrelevant. After all, who is to say that he is now? All the clues point the other way after all… well, he did have a wand since he tried to attack so maybe he isn't a squib… unless he tried to stab me with it? Who knows? Once more I find my musings rudely interrupted. "You have a very big mouth for one so small." Of course. Spit in the face of the guy who made sure you weren't eaten by centaurs, why don't you? Well, maybe not centaurs… molested maybe but I don't think that they eat human flesh. But then again the customs of the centaurs vary much from tribe to tribe… so I am unsure.

But there shouldn't be any shortage of things that could and would eat her in the forest if given the chance, I'm sure.

"Yeah, well… that's fine. After all, of the both of us I'm still the biggest _man_, no?" Yeah, I know. Cheap shot. But no-one gets away with calling me a wimp! I really hope that nobody tells D about it though… She is mad enough at me with the whole not-warning-her-sooner about the murders in the castle already. I shudder while I watch the charm struggle to keep up with the blonde spitfire. I guess that insults must be very hard to translate. That or it's the alacrity she is showing in yelling them. In fact, I don't get how she can still keep going… I'm pretty sure that the English language doesn't have that many insults… I think that if she hadn't witnessed the fate of Snape she would be getting physical already. It's the first time I recall sending two separate persons in a state of fury in such a small amount of time.

It warms my heart to see I'm improving.

The next to speak is the Durmstrang's headmaster. Maybe I can set him of too and literally destroy my previous record? "I do not care if the boy is to be believed or not! Hogwarts can not have two champions! It would be unfair for the other competitors. I demand to submit new names to the Goblet of fire until there are two champions for each school!" Is this guy for real? And why is she-Hulk nodding along? The champions are already selected so that's not possible until this tournament ends. Seriously, I may dislike (or hate as it is) the old coot, but at least he knows how the artifact on which the tournament he accepted to participate in works (which makes him very suspect here)!

Well, aside from him showing no signs of wonder at the fact that there is a fourth champion being possible.

"Don't be a fool, Mr. Karkaroff. You should know that the nonsense coming from your mouth is not even an option." Wha- How? When did Lockhart enter the room? The situation is clearly getting less and less comfortable… His 180 still creeps me out even if I have to admit that he is a good teacher. In fact, I'd say that he is the last person I want here right now, barred Sirius Black, since I don't know what to make of him. Hmm… Kark-whatever isn't looking so good right now. All red in the face, the poor guy. He looks like he want to draw his wand but he isn't doing it. For now. "And what would you know about that, you sad excuse for a wizard? We all know just how skilled you are here." I really don't think that I like the glint I just saw in Lockhart's eyes. I felt like he was a nutjob for a second… Ah, well… maybe there will be benefits? It would be cool if he turned K-man to dust like your regular vampire who forgot it was eleven AM before going out for a stroll.

What? Nobody likes headmasters!

Anyway. The guy clearly doesn't realize just how close to a messy death he is because he keeps ranting and ranting. "…and believe me when I say that I will submit a formal complaint in front of the I.C.W.! I will have your school banned from the Syndicate of Wizading Education!" So boring! And I just ate, so I know that _he_ is the one to blame for me not paying attention anymore. What does he hope to gain by saying all that? There is nothing they can do to appease him so what's the point of making threats? "Will you _shut up_? I care very little of what a thug such as yourself, that didn't even have enough courage to stand by his accomplices when caught, may think of me. We all know here just how skilled you are, at torturing defenseless children, that is. Now listen. What is your problem here? Hogwarts having an unfair chance right?"

For some reason I really don't like where this is going. Not one bit.

"Of course it is. Well, I'll solve your problem for you then since you can't seem to think for yourself. Mr. Potter and Mss Tonks will participate as a team in the tasks. _But_, the tasks will be twice as hard for them. That would be fair wouldn't it?" Son of a Bitch! Did he just put my life _further_ at risk just to make that moron stop whining? I'll kill him! They are all smiling and bobbing their heads now! Fuck! Of course they are happy with the solution. As far as they can see it's a seventh year facing a challenge twice as dangerous and having to drag a scared little firsty along! I feel oddly betrayed when Dumbledore accepts the proposal. I guess that it's the remnants of my occlumency stunt acting…

Well, at least I am not your regular first year, so we could yet live if we play skillfully.

I'm half tempted to state out loud that it's impossible for us to die in this bloody thing, but that would just be inviting the higher ups to kill us in between the tasks or to cripple us during it. I sigh. I am truly trapped. I hope they dismiss us quickly because I'm starting to lose my fight against my own frustration and as fun as exploding and melting random items can be, this just isn't the right place for it. "Very well! Since Barty here says that it won't be against the rules and since the judges unanimously agree on Mr. Lockhart's idea, the motion is approved. The first task will be in a month. More information may yet be revealed about it but only once we have suitably modified the challenges to accommodate young Harry's presence. Best of luck to you four!"

Is it wrong for me to be burning with a desire of choking him when the worst thing that he did to me, as far as I can tell, is smile too brightly?

Somehow, I don't seem to care. I take T's hand and start to drag her out of the room. "Come on! We need to start rehearsing our secret hand signs! I don't want them eavesdropping on us during the tasks!" While secret hand signs are something silly I just made up to look like a hindrance, it's true that we'll be at disadvantage if we don't have a secure mean of communication for the challenges… maybe I should start working on a sound-transmitting array? But that still could be heard with the right listening charms… I read somewhere about linked books that transmit text to each other but that would be way too slow. What then? I could always use recolouring to write fast, T can't do it as far as I know but at least people would only have half of the conversation.

I'll give it some more thought at a later date.

When we reach an isolate classroom I finally let go of her. Even as relieved as I am that I didn't have to butcher my own mind again because of Dumbledore's nosiness my face can't help but turn grim now that they are no witnesses around. "I dearly hope that I don't have to tell you that I did not put my name in that thing?" Yeah. My respect for it dropped significantly after it started doing impossible things just to spite me. I don't think that it would be good for its welfare if I were left alone with it in the same room after the end of the Tournament… "Whom do you take me for? You are obviously way too arrogant to change your plan like that. It would be like admitting that you had a stupid idea." Hey! It isn't arrogance when you are always right!

I narrow my eyes as a warning.

"Careful with what you say Nymphadora! Anyway, I'm glad I don't need to get a headache trying to convince you. Not that it's such a bad thing all in all, but their solution of making things twice as hard is really worrying…" I stop talking when T growls at me. Why is she doing that? I don't think that normal people are supposed to do that... "Where did you hear that name? No, don't answer. I don't care. But. _Don't_. Use. It. _Ever_. Again! Got it?" So okay. Maybe the trauma was a bit above what I expected. And maybe my revenge-to-be would be best served if I just burned her clothes instead of what I had in mind earlier. And no, I'm not afraid! I just feel bad about teasing her about it when she was obviously very hurt by something similar in the past, that's all… Ok, so maybe I am a little afraid. It's totally not my fault if I remember what happened the last time that D was like that (and please keep in mind that she is a first year only).

I give an awkward cough.

"Okay, good. I'm glad we resolved the issue. Keep the schedule we planned for now and I'll see how to integrate myself in it. You warn the terrible two about today's events and I'll take care of B and D. Meeting adjourned. See you tomorrow." Of course, the downside of rushing out like that is that I'm kind of alone now… Not that I feel lonely or anything, but I still have Hogwarts on my back for what I did that other time. Granted, maybe I shouldn't have said to her that it was all her fault for not protecting me from the ninja house elf at the time, but it was like the ninth time in four minutes that she managed to throw me face-first on the cold stone floor! Really, how long can she hold a grudge? I swear that one of my teeth is looser than before! It would be bad enough if it was only a hopeless tentative at making me look ugly, but the creepiness is increasing as of late. Just yesterday I thought I heard grumbles about how she was going to kill me, to rip me and to tear me apart!

Plus the voice was something you'd expect of a well dried mummy. But now that I think of it, the place is a millennium or older…

I try not to think too much about how screwed I am if she decides to go ahead and do it (or do _me_ as it is) by thinking about the progress I made on the Marauders' Map. The decodification bit by bit was not working at all and I finally discovered why a little while ago. The creator was definitely a paranoid fucker, that much I can tell you. He or she adapted an old shifting array and hid it in the most useless part of the schematics possible (therefore in the last place I would try to decipher). That means that every day at midnight the whole thing activates itself and well… _mutates_ would be the word. It changes almost nothing objectively, but the style of the arrays shift just enough to make any progress before it utterly useless. It's like having fragments of different pictures of the same object. The pieces simply won't fit together no matter what you do.

Like I said, _devious bugger_.

Now I just need to neutralize the shifting part without causing damage to the rest of the thing and that is fairly easy since I translated all the separate functions several times already. The thing should stay stable long enough for me to understand how to make my own for any place with monitoring wards I want. The good side of it is that I am a lot more used to Celtic runes by now and with the way their variations can be balanced. I am halfway through coming up with another subject to distract myself from the very real possibility of being maimed by the castle I managed to piss off when I hear someone call my name. "Harry Potter." I take a couple of seconds to realize that the voice isn't manly enough to belong to any of the people I'm certain that I don't want to meet with in a dark hallway. I relax slightly and turn my head to see who is talking.

Huh. Unknown female professor.

She's got a pair of huge glasses that make her look ridiculous enough to challenge Dumbledore for his title of lamest fashion sense of the place (though she would most likely still lose since he's got so much experience at it and since I wouldn't put it past him to bribe or coerce the judges) and even from where I stand I can tell that she reeks of incense. "Yes?" She takes her sweet time answering. "Shouldn't you be in your common room?" I have to squeeze my hands tight to prevent myself from telling her that if I am up after curfew today it will be the fault of her infuriating slowness. "I still have ten minutes before curfew becomes an issue." I went for a neutral tone, but my annoyance probably showed because she gives me a smirk and takes yet a little more time before speaking again.

Funny. I didn't think that someone could surpass She-Who-Hypocritically-Shows-Up on my all-girls (read old harpies since I'm pretty sure that I would forgive a pretty girl anything short of murder) hate-list in less than ten minutes. I feel like I just found a kindred spirit (though I don't think that she is quite as good as me). Which just made me think of soulmates. Which is disgusting is the instance. I shudder. "That was not what I said Mister Potter. I said that you should be in your common room. Curfew matters very little to those of us whose sight goes beyond the natural realm of reality. But I can see that you somehow realize just how tenuous your life is at this point of time. One wrong step and you will fail and fall and cease to be. This is not the time to tempt fate for fate finds you incredibly tempting as it is already."

She gives a thoughtful hum.

She strokes an old leather book for a moment before she starts talking again. "You see, young Potter, you will very soon stand before a fork of the road. While you might think that what you will be seeing is a multitude of choices available, there will in fact only be two real options laid at your feet. One leads to Death, the other to greatness. The first path is bright with light of the shinning sun and is wide, giving you apparently a variety of choices but ultimately will doom you by choking your potential. The second one is a narrow path, hard to follow and covered by the darkness of the night; if you chose this way, your actions will have little margin but the obedience of your fate but you will shine with power yourself amongst the shadows, only one other standing greater than you for the end of times. Chose wisely when the time is right."

She turns and leaves without another word.

Right. Not creepy at all. I think that I'm going to hurry up and go where it's safe (as in away from her to begin with) and where I can fool myself into thinking that this kind of things doesn't happen to me. I definitely need to know who the hell the weirdo is but that can probably wait until tomorrow, when I am not shivering anymore. What was that anyway? A warning? I'm not sure it really sounded very much warning-like… A threat maybe then? That fits a little better but there is still something off with how this played out… Urg! I hate my life. If only all those idiots could get rid of each other everything would be much more pleasant (not to mention simpler).

Whatever. I don't care what she meant. While I like to plan things, this is way too obscure to take into consideration. If someone wants to fuck with me and isn't a pretty girl I'll just have to blow that person up.


	14. Potter the Plague

**AN (23 November):** Again I'm fairly behind with the schedule. Still, three weeks isn't all that much time either so I guess it's ok. I really don't know when next chapter will be ready so check my profile. Everyone confused about the magical classification I use is invited to check in my profile to see my companion fic especialy written for the purpose of helping you.

Anyway, some of you guys may think that this is a filler chapter, I don't agree but I'll admit that it's not earth-shattering either. Keep in mind that the real deal starts with fifteen. Many thanks to all my reviewers and to Hineko for the betawork.

Harry Potter isn't mine. I don't even take credit for what isn't from the books as I can't possibly remember everything I went through on this site in the last three years.

**AN (16 January):** Fixed some mistakes. Credit for that goes to Oz (the nice reviewer).

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Few things in the world surpass the bliss of sleep for me. Mostly, it's just above magic and just under food on my personal bliss list. Really. As I said earlier, I am a bit of an insomniac and therefore, each second I can get without having conscious thoughts running through my mind is a wonderful, and thrice blessed, second. So what would that make someone who would willfully and cruelly strip me of something so pure and precious to me? And for no other reason than that they could to boot? Without any provocation whatsoever? That would make them the Devil incarnate, _D_ for short , that's what! "Urg! Damn it!" I hate my life. Screw my life, I hate the world!

It would be so much better if there weren't people in it…

"What did I ever do to you?" She raises an eyebrow. It's kind of sad to see that pretty much everybody sucks less at it than Assistant. "Do you want me to give you the exhaustive list by chronological order or by the increasing gravity of the offenses? There's quite a lot of it, so if I don't put some order I'll end forgetting about half your crimes. Of course, that way we would have a decent chance of finishing before class starts…" Considering it's Saturday morning (or is it? I certainly don't feel like we are past midnight yet and the fucking dungeons don't have windows…) I think it's safe to say she is exaggerating, but I can't help but feel a little proud of myself.

I quash the feeling quickly.

I'm clearly not in an adequate tactical position to gloat about how infuriating I can be right now. Let sleeping dragons feel lonely and all that rubbish. "Okay. What did my leg ever do to you then?" My leg that she is still holding by the way. My leg that she grabbed and used to pull me out of my wonderful bed. God I hate her! Of course, I know why she went for the leg. There's only one possible reason for it. "It represented your body in unwarded territory, so it was apprehended in the hope it would bring you down with it." Right again. And in one try too… My wards are basically on my bed proper so as not to prevent people from walking around it or House elves from cleaning under it. Which, by the way, means that I clean my sheets by myself (which is annoying but not nearly as much as being killed tends to be). The weakness she exploited is that if some part of my body is out of the bed, it's not protected. The bed is pretty spacious, but even so it happens from time to time since I'm not a vampire or anything. Still, even if it seldom causes problems and most people wouldn't bother with striking at my limbs when they think they can enter my sanctum, it's obviously something I need to fix.

That reminds me, just how did she know about that? Last time I checked she couldn't cast detection charms for that!

"B! You better not be responsible for this or there will be hell to pay!" No answer. Of course not. If I were guilty I would have scrammed long ago as well. I sigh and turn back to D. "Are you going to tell me what you want or do you just intend to keep holding my foot in a sensual way? You do realize that feet are considered an erogenous area for over 65 percent of human beings?" So okay, maybe that wasn't a very good thing to say in this situation but was it a reason to break one of my toes? Ok, maybe twist would be more accurate but it hurt, damn it! My (completely manly) scream woke up little D and the others (obviously not B since the coward is probably hiding in a very dignified manner, as is proper for backstabbing Slytherin purebloods). "You really have a thing for pain, don't you?" I give her a glare. "Well, we obviously are meant for each other then since you look like you enjoy inflicting it so much yourself!"

Why did I answer? Is it some pathological need to have the last word?

Never mind that. She looks like she is ready to really break something and I don't feel like cooperating. The weird healer is still on the bad list after all. I barely stop myself from animating something to take her off of me and instead I use my other leg to unbalance her some and make her fall on her ass. Of course, she doesn't have the decency of falling normally. She manages to both rip part of my pajama's bottom and knock my study-desk over. Runic projects are all over the place… great, just _great_. It'll take hours to organize them back the way they were, and they weren't all that much organized in the first place… "I'll put an end to you!" I sigh. It's appalling just how often I do that nowadays. "Look, you are the one who barged here at bloody _eleven_ in the morning, a _Saturday_! And you were the one who started to attempt to maim me without a clear motive other than me annoying you. So calm the fuck down or God help me I'll calm you. Even if I need to draw a stasis array on your skin to do it."

She looks positively rebellious but she doesn't tempt fate. Which is good. I don't actually know any stasis array for living beings and I don't think that anything lesser would work on her.

Not like she has got time to say anything to be honest, as we are rudely interrupted by the average guy that sleeps here too. "Would you both just shut up? I don't care for your lovers' spats! Just let me sleep you morons!" That's one angry lad… I'll take some pamphlets on anger management for him at the same time I go looking for the hygienic tips for Filth and the foaming guy. Well, at least he wasn't growling so he is still thinking clearly enough not to break the house's rules… Anyway. I'm about to say something about D's obsession with me not actually making her my girlfriend when little D jumps on the chance to make use of his annoying voice. "Really Greengrass! Has your line fallen so low for you to go for Potter of all the boys here?" All the boys here? Is the little shit comparing me to himself? To his goons?

I guess that B is somewhere _near_ my league but the rest is clearly offensive.

"Oh! Look at that! Are those ugly sculptures meant to express your undying love Potter?" What is he talking about? I turn my head enough to see what he is doing. "Here Greengrass. Catch your present!" Wha- son of a bitch! I barely have enough time to throw myself on D before the runic sphere can go right through her. Instead it destroys the floor and showers us all with rock-shrapnel. Once I am certain that the idiot isn't going to do it again I start to feel my fear lessen and my anger grow. Before I know it, the fucker's clothes are strangling him quite thoroughly and a couple of bed sheets are pinning him against a wall. Fuck acting stupid and unskilled! I'm going to cower the little shit into hysteria if that's what it takes to make him stop with this nonsense. I try to take calming gulps of air.

It doesn't work. It looks more like I am hyperventilating (which I most likely am).

"You know… I always knew you were a moron. Since the very first time we met I could tell that you were barely capable of conscious thought. But I didn't quite realize how bad it was. I thought that at least you were somewhere above the level of the smelly twins that follow you around, but you just proved me wrong. At least I never saw either of them mess with magical objects without knowing what they did. Point of fact is that I never saw them do anything without someone's approval or order. They are like tools. With an IQ of 0.1 or something like that. But you are beyond lack of cleverness. Where they don't have something positive, you are past that by having plenty of something negative. _Sheer stupidity_. Why else on earth would you throw a piece of runic magic you know nothing about? You aren't a muggleborn, you know what a runic array looks like!"

I finally manage to calm down enough to allow him to breathe again.

I can tell that the message sunk in. He is so afraid that he can't seem to even talk anymore. Well, that and he _is_ kind of recuperating from a near suffocation… Anyway, I need to relax a little. This is partially my fault after all. I did create the orb and the wards on my desk were clearly inappropriate. I should have made it impossible for people to knock the desk over like that instead of just making it so that only I could take objects from it. Clearly, today isn't a good day for my ward schemes… two glaring flaws revealed in ten minutes isn't a good score. Not in the least.

Well, at least now I know that this final version of my work with the orbs does exactly what it's supposed to do…

It's something I've been tinkering with for a while but that took the lead now that I finished the work on the Map and that I'm likely to confront unpleasant things in the Tournament. The base concept is the very opposite of the grounding array I told you about earlier. Instead of nullifying forces that act on an object, it amplifies the forces acting on it. Of course you can't do just that. For one, if I did that to an object with a factor of ten, I wouldn't even be able to lift it. And there is the small problem of the smallest force I applied to it ripping it from my hand with a chunk of meat trailing along. So I came up with one that would amplify forces applied to the object, but only when not in contact with someone's body. And make it unbreakable, of course. That way you throw it and then it begins to speed up. It still didn't work, though. Gravity, friction and pressure were all tenfold too so it was impossible to aim.

But just this night I came up with something very clever.

A force-direction changing part to the array. I got the idea from a gravity inversion spell I read about, you see? With it, the bothersome forces that would otherwise oppose the flight actually speed the travel by being directed the same way the main force is. I didn't apply it to all forces of course or the thing would never stop until it hit a live being of considerable mass, but I applied it to every force that would otherwise affect its course. Friction is still there and so is the reaction from the things it hits, but gravity, pressure, magnetic fields and such I turned into fuel for it. I'm really glad that the little ponce barely tried to launch it (or that he was too weak to throw it faster more likely) or D would be dead.

Which reminds me that I'm still on her… Hehe… oops?

I quickly get up and start acting as if nothing happened. I focus on the vermin pinned to the wall for now. "As you are not the only one at fault here, I will not end your life just yet. I am going to release you. And you will do your very best to never give me a good reason to change my mind, do we understand each other? Now out of my sight!" I drop him unceremoniously on the ground and he doesn't take long to vanish. I look at D while she gets up. "I can see that Blaise's lessons aren't completely wasted on you." I don't completely manage to suppress my pout. "That was raw talent coupled with my observations about your own style. B said that we'll get to threats in a month or so…" She's almost smiling. Which tells just how good a job I am doing at hiding my scowl. "You do realize that being about as sharp as your average wooden spoon, Draco will try and claim vengeance eventually? He'll probably involve his father too…"

She's cute when she worries about me.

"Oh yeah… Maybe he could have been forgiving if I had only killed his master and being responsible for him almost going to jail, but mocking his son? That's the last straw!" Of course, who knows how the head of an ancient and most stupid pureblood line thinks? Maybe it is a worse offense in his mind. But I'm pretty sure he already wants to kill me as it is and that tends to only happen once, so… it's not like I plan to give him more than one try either. That's what Vernon always said to Dudley, _if you are going to try and do something you shouldn't be doing then do it right and make sure you don't get caught_. That and, _if freaks were meant to be then we would have more of them around_. Sometimes I wonder about all those little pearls of wisdom that I missed by running away from number four.

Funnily, the last one applies to politicians as well…

Anyway, maybe I should eat something right about now. Mini-apple-pies, here I come! D rolls her eyes. Hard to tell about what with her. "So, before someone rudely tried to kill you… weren't you trying to tell me why in God's name you tried to separate me from one of the appendages I use to walk around?" She huffs. "That was for your sexist comment of yesterday. Your prefect friend came over to tell Blaise about it at breakfast, though I could tell from her glances that she really intended for _me_ to find out." Is this some kind of conspiracy? First B and now T? Huh, technically it would be first T and then B, but whatever. Well, you just wait for it! A couple of altered patterns and we'll see if they feel like it would be enjoyable to keep playing!

One of the reasons I accept D's presence so well is, I think, her own tolerance for maniacal laughter.

"Come on, I'll escort you to breakfast to earn your forgiveness then." Though I must admit that she is being more of an escort for me than me for her since I know for a fact that I am on some people's hit list, including the very castle I'm in. D is quite chatty today… we mostly talk about the tournament and about runic arrays but she even comments some about her life and her family. "…and that's why Astoria never drinks tea anymore." I'm pretty sure that her whole line fits in the insane category of purebloods now, but that's what I thought in the first place so I'm not too surprised. "And the moral of this story would be… what? Never ask a goblin what he would like to have?"

She doesn't have time to answer however, since we are accosted by a seventh year from our house.

"Hey Potter! You are good with runes I hear?" I restrain the snort his euphemism deserves. "Yeah? What about it?" He gives me a calculating look but eventually goes on. "I need help fixing an array I came up with for my trunk. People have been complaining about it." Well, I do have a lot of things to do, but you never know what will fan your inspiration, so I guess I'll take a look at least. Not for free though. "Well, Mr…" I pause. "Patterson." A short nod. "…Mr. Patterson, I'm pretty sure that I could fix it, but why would I bother?" Patterson frowns, but probably just out of habit. He's too old not to know how things work in Slytherin. "What would you ask in return?" Wow! The guy must be pretty desperate to give that kind of answer. It's almost the equivalent of signing a blank check.

Luckily for him, I don't plan on filling it with zeros.

I cast a small privacy charm. It's very easy to break, but not so easy to do without the caster noticing. "I've recently realized that the Malfoy heir won't leave me alone unless he has better things to focus on. I would like you to bully him from time to time… let's say once a week. It would give him other things to worry about and I'm sure that you could get some enjoyment from it." An examination of my words would give the impression that I made a request, but we both know that I am almost giving him a freebie. Little D's father won't like it of course, but he'll never interfere with the inner workings of the house because, quite simply, it would ruin his family's image to do so. The Hogwarts' years are considered political training for the Slytherins and people just don't mess with the system.

It's really too bad that it'll only last a single year…

Oh well, I'm sure that I'll have collected some other debt by the time next year comes. At last, he nods. "Well then, what are you waiting for? The scheme to wither from decay? What array did you use?" The guy is lucky we are just near a large supply of food because I would already be thinking about something else in normal circumstances. It reminds me of that old-… but maybe just sitting in front of the food isn't quite enough. I quickly take a piece of toast. "What? Now?" My incredulous look seems to do it because he eventually searches for a quill and a spare sheet of parchment and starts to draw. "Here. I think that's pretty much it." With just one glance I can tell that there are minor errors in what he is showing me. With a second glance I understand why the guy needs me. He owns the crazy trunk in the seventh year dorm that tries to burn everything when disturbed.

I sigh. Man, this array is a mess.

And not just because he obviously couldn't remember the finest details of his work either. I know his kind; he probably works with the book open all the time. No talent whatsoever… But as I said, that isn't the true problem here. The first big, _big_ mistake he did with this ward was that the base of the work is a magic-detection monitoring array. My guess is that he wanted to avoid the issue of people firing spells at it from afar, but as the idiot's keying mechanism is locked and can't be altered, anything but what he keyed when he activated the array that is highly magical will set the thing on.

I start voicing my thoughts in the hopes of teaching D a little something or another as I tackle the problem.

The veteran Slytherin doesn't look pleased but I really don't get why. Isn't he having a tutoring session with the great Harry Potter for free? Surely, being called a moron is a small price to pay for _that_. All the more when it's actually true. Anyway, his answer to the problem is really bad, because on one hand he can't even buy a new magical item without being molested by his own trunk and on the other hand, if an intruder approaches the bloody thing while he is near, well… the sparks won't discriminate against either. But that isn't even the real problem either. The problem is the ward area. If it were tiny, then all I said until now wouldn't be too bad. A minor inconvenience at worst. But the area is huge, like I discovered that day I was taking a look.

It takes some time to see it in the middle of all the useless bits but I finally find the cause of the distortion of the area perimeter.

That idiot actually linked various parts of his array to a magic-siphoning rune. That, my friends, is the real deal-breaker here. I doubt that Patterson even knows what it is. If I'd have to guess I'd say that he copied the whole section of a more advanced work without understanding it. If we keep my flow of water and cavities metaphor, then instead of carving the ground and letting the water that is magic flow upon the cavities and have gravity fill them, he added a vacuum suction device at the bottom of his work. He clearly didn't need it, either. Arrays hardly need that much magic to work, much less in a place like Hogwarts. Point of fact is that the guy is damn lucky that he isn't a little smarter. The result of a siphoning rune for such a low consumption array is way too much magic being drawn, way too much water for such a small space. If the guy had been competent enough not to do something so badly grounded that it's fluctuating with the limitation part of the array, the magic wouldn't have had anywhere to go and would have blown off his face in the end.

He pales when I tell him so. Seriously, why don't purebloods realize that messing half-assed with runes can't be good for anyone's health?

"Well, at least it won't be too hard to fix since you copied your base from Madrigan's dueling platform. There won't be any troubles isolating it from the flow." It's good that I'm familiar with Madrigan's work or it would have been harder to come to that conclusion, and so we can start draining the trunk dry. Why would anyone think that a ward supposed to prevent the usage of magic inside of a sword dueling platform could or _should be_ adapted to a trunk is anyone's guess. I'm pretty sure that God couldn't answer that one… "The other good news is that you weren't dumb enough to apply your array on an enchanted trunk, so we won't even have to worry about the trunk exploding because we didn't leave enough magic to sustain the expansion charms on it. It'll be as good as it was before you decided to mess with it." The bad news is, of course, that he came up with a defense system that would have been dealt with in five minutes tops if his limitation ward had been what he intended it to be.

But hey, we already knew he was stupid, right?

"Do you want _me_ to fix it? You just need to draw a power drain and then disable the siphoning rune. It'll be trickier if I am the one to do it because the drain would need to circle the detection ward and it's huge… we would need to work outdoors." Thankfully, Patterson doesn't look like he wants to appear like any more of a moron. I really don't feel like spending half a day on something so stupid. "No, it's fine. If it works then I'll start my part of the deal in one or two days." I give him a nod. "Feel free to ask for help again. Oh, and I would start working on it right away, with the door locket. You never know when a random disturbance is going to come up…" He doesn't get it but D becomes suspicious right away. Once the guy has left she takes a firm hold of my arm.

At least she isn't trying to break it like with my foot earlier.

"What are you up to Potter? I don't want to be part of the collateral damage of any _disturbances_ that might happen!" I give her a grin. "Well, I probably could cast a liquid repellent charm on you, but you'd be very suspicious then…" She growls. Poor dear! And she was doing such a fine job at redeeming herself too! "Tell me what is going on!" I shake my head sadly. "I'm sorry, but that would make a snitch of me… and we all know that I'm more of the bludger type…" She looks like she's ready to argue but she doesn't get the time. My notice-me-not charms fade to reveal something like twenty ugly containers scattered across the hall. _Magically expanded_ containers since all the green paint would have filled the room otherwise. Of course, they don't stay intact for long. They explode rather quickly like the well-timed bombs that they are.

Hilarious! Most would have stopped here, but I promised something grand so that's what the twins will get.

The head table managed to shield themselves (mostly Dumbles, Lockhart and the monster of Frankenstein's work) as did a good chunk of the upper years, and it would be really unfair if I left it at that. I clean my glasses idly. It's a good thing that the paint is just as harmless as water. I think that it'll be the last time they don't check for notice-me-not charms in the hall so I'm glad I put everything I had into this prank. Dumbledore is about to start an amused speech when the second part activates. It went like "Yes, yes! Another wonderful show of magical skill, howev-." When the runes I put on the ground the other day start to work. Those are derived from the inverted gravity charm as well. Basically, it's an array that is timed to invert gravity, but only for liquids and in a gradual fashion.

Which means it's raining green paint up.

It's a lot harder to dodge or shield, but a few of the professors do manage a liquid-repellent charm in time. The visual effect of the paint hitting the enchanted sky is priceless in my opinion, though few are paying attention to it. Which means that nobody saw that there is a giant W-shaped spot on the ceiling that is paint-free yet. Oh well, they'll notice eventually, I wager. It takes some time, but finally, the last drop leaves the ground and reaches its little friends. Now comes the really hard part. I start animating parts of the paint and giving it shapes. I manage all right since there's nothing alive in paint. Frogs, rabbits, cats, dogs, pigs… everything I can think of is dropping from the sky like some new and improved kind of Egyptian plague. In the end, I get impatient and start to pick bigger shapes to use up the material already.

The young dragon took a lot out of me, but it's worth it when I make it land on Dumble's head.

The agglomerates of animated paint are jumping and running everywhere, following random patterns I came up with that will most likely sully the whole castle very quickly. Still, it could have been so much better… I sigh. If those were sentient,though… Or even if they just could make noise! Well, maybe I'll take a look some other time… Seems like D managed to recover from the shock my awesome prank gave her. "You are insane Potter! This is madness!" I swat carelessly at the hamster that tries to jump on my back, getting more paint on my already very green hand. "Is that so? Well, you know what they say… the only way to have an idea of just how crazy you are is to look around and see the people you hang out with…" And let's admit it; by these standards we are all completely mad here. I keep the casual conversation as I leave the hall with D following. "You know, the trickiest part was actually to get some of the paint to stay on the clothes after it hits and still be harmless in the eyes, mouth or nose… did you know that it isn't even possible to drown in that stuff? I have no idea where the twins found it."

She just shakes her head and keeps following bemused. If I can shut her up then I'm clearly making progress! Next time we'll aim for her pain thing…


	15. Twists and Shifts

**AN (21/07/10): **It's been a while huh? Well to be fair, my cat ate my laptop, and then my pet beta-reader died on me... Meaning that if anyone is interested in taking her job (which mostly consists in nagging until I write something and then make sure it isn't too hard to understand) feel free to contact me. Hope the chapter isn't too bad, even if I know it can't make up for the long wait no matter what.

000

I give the pile of homework on my desk my harshest glare. Unfortunately, it isn't as effective as I'd like it to be… that, and I can't seem to shake the feeling that it's glaring right back. I hate my life. Well, not really… I'll settle for hating adults for now I think, with maybe a little extra for my professors. It's not that I can't do the damn thing, I _am_ a genius after all, but either they realized it too or they are _that_ much of a bunch of bastards. I sigh. It's so unfair! Just when I get the hang of manipulating students, too! Of course, a lot of students are angry with me too, but it's manageable. T is taking care of Hufflepuff with admirable skill, Ravenclaw just doesn't care as long as Hogwarts is favoured (I'm guessing that they'd turn on me if they knew that the task will be twice as hard for Hogwarts because of my participation, but hopefully that won't come up until we destroy the competition in the first task), Slytherin is divided between smugness and jealousy, and Gryffindor… well, Gryffindor is fairly against me with the notable exception of the twins, but that's pretty much the way it is since the sorting.

That and they are, quite frankly, the least dangerous house there is around here…

Anyway, the teachers appear to be trying to bury me in pointless and time-consuming assignments. Thank God, the old flame isn't like that! I shudder when I think about just how much room there is for that kind of abuse with potions. Why, just listing all known ingredients from gardening will easily take me well into the next year… What really pisses me off is that most of the load comes from professor Show-off. I mean, I totally understand the gardening professor being irate at the poor, orphaned, firsty that obviously must have used his vast experience to cheat his way into the bloody (in both sense of the term) competition where he'll likely die. It makes perfect sense for her to make that sad soul waste his time doing meaningless things when he could be training and hopefully becoming less of a burden, therefore becoming less likely to drag her prefect in his death.

What do you mean by _no it bloody doesn't_?

But anyway, why is the head of Gryffindor even nastier to me? Well, there is my house of course… kind of disappointing to see that even after eighty years in this place she's still prejudiced, even if I can't say that I'm all that surprised. Next I guess that there is the blatant disrespect of the rules thing, while I definitely find it flattering that she thinks I can tamper with the Goblet of Fire without destroying it and without alerting any paintings, there is the little issue of _it being impossible to make the thing pick four champions_! The last thing I guess that could be enough of a reason for the disgusting pile of useless essays-to-be in front of me (because I simply won't admit that anyone could be so evil as to wish me this fate over not paying attention in class) is the way I played the crowd when my name came up. Which is actually a valid reason since I wanted to appear self-centered and arrogant in front of Dumbledore.

But she still gets to be on my people-I'd-gloat-in-front-of-if-I-ever-was-there-when-they-happen-to-die list.

In the meantime I'll have to settle for redirecting most of the paint-wildlife hopping around to her personal quarters. It'll do her good to practice her vanishing and cleaning charms. Can't always rely on house elves after all… You never know when they'll turn against you. But it's good exercise anyway, if I may say so myself. I laugh some thinking about how sweet it will be to see her in class and at meals with a look that says that someone shoved _yet_ _another_ stick up her backdoor, knowing that vengeance was served. Of course, I _do_ stop when I remember that she'll take that anger on me if I give her the slightest excuse. Still, it's not like I actually intend to do all this crap they are throwing at me anyway.

Who did you take me for?

It's not like they can expel Harry James Potter, defeater of the most evil and ugly Dark Lord in written history (or so they think since that ghost teacher guy doesn't even mention the others there was if T is to be believed), for not handing his homework over… Well, maybe if they had a couple of years to smear my name and show that I'm an evil-spawn and all that but the issue would be dead by then. So, technically speaking, they can either throw more pointless stuff at me (in which case I won't be handing those over either), revoke privileges (if I had any), or give me detentions. And well, lets say that I don't think I'd mind detention all that much. For one, it'll take a lot less time and for two I can skip those too if the need is dire enough. The only truly annoying thing is that it will probably be a good opportunity for Snape and Dumbles to take a peek at my mind. Which means more occlumency and therefore more being a cocky, if skilled, moron who loves fame and Dumbledore.

Though now that I think about it I could try to skip these meetings too…

I nibble ever so slightly on my everlasting sugar quill while I consider adding the fossilized foe on the sugar allergy list. This stuff is really good but I can't help but feel wary of it since I don't actually know how it works and never had the chance to ask the vendor since it's (and some other sweets) from the twins as a thank-you-for-this-amazing-prank-we-are-going-to-benefit-from gift of sorts. And of course, since they sell it there are a lot of obscuring charms on it. In fact, the last one I tried to cast a _magia revelio_ the subject of the experiment (nothing alive, don't worry. wait. do chocolate frogs count as alive?) just melted and lost all magical proprieties. I guess that I could try sensing its magic, but I'm not trying to replicate it, just understand how it works. Of course, most people who don't plan on churning out magical sweets don't care much about the hows…

Well, like I always say, most people aren't smart (and even less people are geniuses).

There are only two ways to explain how the quill may work that I know of. Either it regenerates itself, or it refuses to dissolve while still giving flavor (though if there isn't any actual sugar coming from it then it's a threat to magical dentistry and is kind of a not-sweet and thus a disguised robbery). But either of these explanations raises a lot of questions. If it's a kind of regeneration then what else can it be applied to? How about living things? I'm pretty sure that no simple spell can _actually_ regrow whole limbs (as demonstrated daily by professor Halloween-rules/ Robot-pirate). But just a self-repairing door would be something impossible to blast past and therefore interesting to try and come up with. That aside, what would happen in either hypothesis if I were to swallow a substantial piece of the quill?

It's not unbreakable; I've tried and succeeded in breaking parts of one.

If it's the never-dissolving thing, then what? You stay with the sugar chunk in your stomach until you die or contact a muggle surgeon? And if it's a regenerating thing? Would the charm still work on both parts? If so would one have sooner or later a whole quill in the stomach? And even if the bit stayed that way then would you be consuming sugar all the time and therefore be plagued by weight disorders and diabetes? And what about the permanent sugar rush? So yeah. Wizarding candy really puts me on edge. But what can I do? I'm out of reach of regular sweets until such a time when there's no psycho mass murderer after my hide… and they don't last long enough anyway.

Unfortunately, my staring contest is interrupted. No matter, I'll vanquish that unholy thing later today (well, not really since that would involve boring work, but you get the meaning).

"Potter. It appears that I was right to think that you needed to be reminded about the meeting with prefect Tonks, which is about to start. Try not to debase our house's reputation further than what Malfoy already achieved, with your lateness." I still don't get how D came up with her condescending tone. It's the best I was ever subjected to. Period. Still not enough to get at me though. I blink at her a couple of times just because I know how irritating she finds it. "Indeed? My, how time flies…" I cut the bullshit pretty quickly all things considered. In fact, the secret technique to get her _really_ riled up is to stop just before she goes physical and then attack from a totally opposed direction. "You know, I could say that I enjoy talking with you so much that I waited on purpose, hoping that you'd come fetch me. It wouldn't even be a lie…"

Seeing the shade of red going from angry to cute is quite literally fascinating, but I've got experience and I keep my concentration.

"But if I am to be totally honest with you, I guess that I'll have to admit that the fact there are at least three people in the common room that have been keeping an eye on me influenced as well." I pause just long enough for the red to turn from the-guy-I-have-wet dreams-about-is-talking-to-me red to a solid embarrassment red before going on. "I know what you are going to say, and yes… I am a dashing young man with a stunning personality, amazing intellect, and substantial bank account. _But_, it took that into consideration. I counted three people observing my goings _without counting the girls_. If I start to take them into account then we'd have at least a good twenty suspects." And here is the angry red again. That's something similar between D and Vernon… neither will ever need to wear a mood-ring. "Anyway, that's hardly the main point here. You see, I simply refuse to believe that there could be so many gay pedophiles sleeping in the same place as I do. Doing otherwise would just kill the few hours of rest I do manage to catch each night."

I nibble on my quill again.

"You think I'm bad now? Factor this: even regular people go crazy real quick without sleeping. What do you think would happen to someone like me? I'll give you a clue, you don't apply the reverted theorem." I think that the occlumency thing started to mess me real good because I'm pretty sure that there was a time when telling a little manipulator in training that I'm certifiably insane would have at the very least bothered me. If you add to that the fact that I'm doing it just for the fun of being witty… well, maybe taking real lessons in the mind arts from B would be a good idea. "So if they aren't madly in love with me, _which they aren't_, then I must conclude that all of them are horrid little spies!" Or would be if one of them wasn't something like 1m90 to the shoulder, but telling that out loud would kind of break the vibe I'm going for… "Foul creatures they are, hear my words! But I won't give them the satisfaction of finding anything to report to whomever! Not today and not in a thousand years! Hahaha! They thought that they could best the great Harry Potter Sir? Well, too bad, so sad! All I need to do is to never leave this room again and by extension they won't ever be able to exit the common room!"

I think that D is almost scared of me right now…

A lot of philosophers discussed the whys of the human fear of things so blatantly crazy, but it can be shortened to just one sentence in the end. You never know what a really crazy guy might do next. I cast silencing charms at the door to the common room and sit on my bed with a smile. D looks at me strangely. "What is going on Potter?" My smile gets a little larger. "You didn't figure it out? Well, if there really are spies in the common room, what would screaming that I know about them in such a fashion achieve?" She thinks about it for a couple of minutes. "I guess that they'd spend the next couple of hours thinking hard about what they should do about it…" I grin and nod. "Exactly! Let it not be said that having no social skills apart from insults is the same as having no skills in manipulating people. Now, all I have to do is to put a notice-me-not charm on me and without their minds focused on their task, I'll easily slip between them and go see T before she gets too mad."

She tries hard to hide it but I can tell I impressed her.

"I'll pass along to B and to you what I can after the stupid end of diner announcement about the first task." I apply the charm and have to actively restrain myself from skipping on my way to the unused classroom where T and I agreed to meet. Nothing brightens a day after a confrontation with an evil pile of semi-sentient homework like running circles around the poor non-genius people. Well, maybe a vivisection of said homework in the hopes of finally grasping the secret of magical imbued sentience would top it, but I'm unsure about how I'd go about that. I mean, sure… I can see how I could cut a magical painting in tiny bits and run diagnostics spells all over it (which I plan to do as soon as I find an annoying enough portrait)… or even how I could do the same with a chess set (which will happen to the pompous little things that B uses, regardless of need of knowledge)… but how do you destroy homework? It isn't enough to burn the damn scrolls. They are just a representation of that Evil in the material world. After all, just because you kill every single priest there is and burn every and each church you find, you won't kill God. Well, in theory, you may be able to end Him if you kill everyone that knows about him if you follow that old paradox of the tree falling alone in a forest, but you'd have to kill yourself too…

I stop that line of thought before things start getting out of control. T really doesn't like people making her wait…

That and, while Hogwarts isn't tripping me or that kind of thing anymore, I'm still hearing that voice coming from the walls that likes to make really colourful threats from time to time. And I know for a fact now that Black is in the castle sometimes. So stopping to think in the middle of a dark corridor doesn't sound like a very bright idea these times… Now that I stop to think about that, it's a bad idea most of the time. The exception, of course, being when _you_'re the one doing the ambush… But I don't think I am comfortable with ambushing people right now… maybe in a couple of occlumency experiments, who knows? Even as distracted as I am, it doesn't take long to reach the rendezvous point where T is waiting. She doesn't look too pleased with my lateness. I-argh! "What the hell?" She is smirking now. So having my severed fingers drop on the cold floor is enough to make her happy? Good to know. "Good afternoon my cute apprentice! Since you took your sweet time to come, I thought that we'd get into the subject at hand straight away and make up for the lost minutes!" I give her a stare. "Of course. So you took my fingers away. Is it some kind of most ancient auror training technique? Like blindfolded fight for martial artists maybe? Learn to cast without thumbs and you are that much closer to wandless magic?"

I don't need to say that I get a stinging hex for my trouble.

"Cheek Mr. Potter. And stop crying like a big baby, it's just a dark disarming curse. I'll counter it in an instant." I nod. That's rather interesting, I admit. Much better than the classical disarming charm since it prevents the target from going for a back-up wand. I can see why it would be useful for an auror. Which doesn't mean that I really appreciate having it used on me, even if there's no real pain involved. Thus I melt the bottom part of her trainers. It doesn't take long for her to trip after that. "Very funny." She undoes the damage, repairing her shoes. Huh. I thought that it only worked for _broken_ things… "Now, Hannah and Susan explained what you are all doing with Lockhart… or at least what I assume you are all doing since you aren't in the same class… Which reminds me, why exactly are you wearing one of our house's ties?" I blink. Huh. You don't tell. I actually _am_ wearing a Hufflepuff coloured tie! "Oh yeah… I remember now… Well, I guess it explains why I had to send three upper years to see Pomphrey since that day…" Couldn't the guys be a little more specific with their anger, really? I mean, there's only so much that even a genius-child can deduce from invectives like _Potter, you disgrace!_

I can't very well be asked to remember all those insignificant things by myself after all… No I wasn't asking, it's a statement. I can't.

T gives me a look that I feel holds some kind of deep meaning. I stare back. Oh wait, is she waiting for an actual answer? "The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing young prefect. Which is why it should be used sparingly." I nod to myself. She nods back. "Yes, that much is true. Which kinds of goes against what you just said… which would kind of make it a lie… Maybe I should ask this Daphne girl about her opinion on such matters?" Why must people around me always resort to basic violence or to threats? It's barbaric, really. "Now, lets not be hasty. See, I surrender? No need to involve torture at all." Unfortunately, her smirk only grows bigger. "My, my… why would you say that, I wonder? She is such a terrific girl!" I can't help but mutter an answer. "More like terrifying…" Yeah, I know. That's just more fuel to the fire, but like I said, it couldn't be helped. It's simply not in my nature to let an offensive pun pass by me like that.

She fakes a sigh.

"Poor Harry, things are happening too fast for you, aren't they? In a couple of years you'll be all too happy to be the center of the attention of a bunch of girls like this. I'm not sure about your housemate, but I'm pretty sure that Susan and Hannah wouldn't mind playing with you a couple of times at least. It'd be a package deal though…" You know, two nights ago, I dreamed I was sitting on a bench in some kind of park, talking to a random man about the weather. It was wonderful. Just having a normal conversation like that… "Didn't you say that we were making up for the lost time? I not sure about how discussing you being a deviant qualifies…" Not half as good as I can shoot in top form, but then again, having my fingers scattered across the room really did disturb me. Go figure. I give a tiny sigh of relief when T fixes me up with a smile. "There you go!" She sits on the ground. "We won't really cast anything today anyway. We'll just be discussing standard auror spells and techniques for the time being since you are so quick to learn the practical side of magic." I ponder about telling her just why I can do that, but even B doesn't know about my ability to sense magic, so maybe later. She pauses and drops her smile. "I've had access to manuals that should be a great help to anyone trying to become an auror. Stuff I shouldn't have, really."

She takes a worn little book out of her bag.

"I know most of what's inside of this one already, and knowing how smart you are there's no point in teaching you any of that if you can pick it up just as fast by yourself. So study it when you can and we'll have a go at each other. See if we can get a little experience under your belt." I take great care in ignoring her wink and skim through the contents of the small manual. It's a guide to auror tactics, which is gold in itself since I don't suppose that they give those to just anyone (not unless you are a heavy briber at least), but there are a great deal of extra annotations about useful tricks and tactics that were obviously made by the previous owner. Or owners as a matter of fact, since I can distinguish two separate handwritings. Just how old is this anyway? I take a look at the cover. _Printed in 1824_. Recent stuff then. I wouldn't be surprised if nothing but a couple of paragraphs had changed since then. That's good. On the other hand, the stuff just under the date of publication is a little worrying.

_Propriety of Cepheus Corvus Black_.

_To my great grand nephew, in the hopes of seeing him soon in he corps and finally being able to use the influence I gathered over the years for something other than bailing drunk relatives from jail. With moderately warm affection. _

_C.C.B._

_PS: Please don't read it were that bore Phineas can see you. I'm afraid that his time as headmaster of Hogwarts did little to smooth the edges of my older brother._

_Propriety of Sirius Orion Black._

I take a couple of minutes to remind myself that panic is never the answer. Or not the correct answer at any rate. "T dear?Would you mind explaining why the name of the escaped mass-murderer that wishes to end my life is present on the, admittedly thoughtful, gift you brought?" She gives a wince. "Humm… because… that's not a very easy question, is it?" I force myself to calm down. It's not like the book can actually hurt me as far as I can tell. Still, it's upsetting. "How about you start with a basic answer and we go from there?" A small nod. "Basic stuff, huh? Well, saying this without an extra explanation is going to make you flip out, but my mother's maiden name was Black." Metamorphmagus _and_ Seer? Now, isn't that fucking impressive? "And well, cousin Sirius wasn't always a psycho, you know? In fact, as far as I was told, he was one of the more decent guys in the family until that mess with your parents." At some level I know that it must be true. My parents wouldn't have been friends with someone who didn't at least appear to be alright. But I can't help but look incredulous. "Oh, don't look at me like that! It's not like you don't have Black blood either!" I relent. "Ok, but that still doesn't explain why _you_ have it." I stop myself from killing her when I only get a shrug as an answer.

Good (well, more like skilled) minions are hard to come by after all. And there are no troops around to impress either.

Thankfully she finally adds a comment. "Because it had to go somewhere? Prisoners aren't exactly allowed to bring their personal libraries with them to Azkaban, you know… I guess that they gave his stuff to the nearest relative with a dirt-free reputation." After a small pause she continues forward. "And well, since it isn't cursed and since it's a real help with duels…" I give a reluctant nod. This _is_ gold. In addition to neat tricks like the dark disarming curse T just showed me there are other much more ruthless (if legal) pieces of magic like modified core piercers and even hat to anvil transfigurations… Plus, I guess that I can't go wrong following that old _know thy enemy_ line… "Ok, so what are we doing right now? A mock battle? Or are we actually going to attend that stupid announcement in the hall?" I idly wonder if she got her wicked smirk from her cousin while waiting for her worded response. "Well, it would be pretty funny to see the face of Dumbledore realizing that his own champions didn't bother to come listen to his ramblings about the tournament, so I gue-" I think I should come up with some kind of onomatopoeia now, but my hears can't seem to settle on a particular one at this moment in time. I'm kind of busy being thrown to the ground by the shockwave of whatever just deafened me anyway.

Guess that's that for sound magic. Never really had any talent for it if those guitar lessons I tried to take last year are any indication, but it still pisses me off.

"What. The. _Hell_!" I was going to be a bit more complete about it, but it's fairly close to what I had in mind. It's good to see I am in tune with my lieutenant-to-be at least. "Indeed. I vote for going see what happened… or at least for you to get your bum out of my elbow before I find myself forced to dabble in how to enchant artificial members…" Nothing like a quick little pique to feel alive after a near death (well, not really, but you get the idea) experience. I make witty comments therefore I am. "Did you just imply that I am fat?" Of course there's the reverse to consider… best be on my way. "Come on, I'd like to know if the castle is about to collapse on our heads. You know, so I can weep and moan about the unfairness of it all for a bit before it does." T nods. I take the Map from my pocket.

.

"That can't be good." Indeed, she's right, it can't. I would probably go as far as saying it's _bad_ and not in a badass way either. More in a _bad for your health_ way actually. The map is mostly a jumble of shifting lines and erratic dots with only a few lonely island of serenity here and there. The good news is that the room we are in is obviously part of those. The bad news, aside from the whole imminent death thing, is that the headmaster's office is exempt from the storm too… "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to take that vote back… but staying here just doesn't seem like a very good idea either…" It's a bit of a conundrum really. Thankfully the decision is taken out of my hands as stone blocks start to fall from the ceiling all around us. T doesn't hesitate. She grabs my arm and start running for the exit and I only have enough time for putting the map away before being dragged. As I suspected, bad was a gross understatement of my part to describe the situation outside the room we just left. I sigh mournfully as I say goodbye to the faint hope that the explosion had only messed up with the map.

I know it was a _long_ shot, what with the rain of stones being widely recognized as a bad omen… but what can I say? I'm just an optimist!

On the bright side, bits of masonry aren't being thrown at us now that we are running down (or up? I'm having a hard time telling) the corridor. The downside being that everything else seems to be fair game as far as projectiles go, from armor suits to tapestries, passing by the odd (and startlingly swelled) house-elf. T isn't being much help on the blasting past the flying obstacles front and I'm often forced to stop junk wandlessly at the same time I'm casting _reductos_ the regular way. Truth is that with the way the room is moving around randomly, I'm impressed that she isn't on the ground already when you take into account her balance problems. "There! Lets jump from the window!" She's yelling but I can barely hear anything over the noise of all the collisions and the shrieking of the house elf (is it me or is it getting even fatter?). I do my best to reach for the window and try to remember of a way to not die from jumping down an untold number of floors (while it was most likely told at some point, the place is looking more and more like a Dali painting and for all I know we are already deep under the surface).

"Shit!"

Yeah… that's probably my fault. Really shouldn't have commented on how amazing it was that T wasn't tripping just earlier. Should have remembered about how much of a jinx that can be… And now we are about to be crushed by two converging walls and the window is nowhere in sight. For a second I think about making good on my joke and really moan that this is unfair and that I'm too handsome to die but once more I can't get to finish my thought process before being interrupted (funny how often that happens in life or death struggles, isn't it?). Something is yanking me by the back of my robes and straight through what I thought was a mirror. No time to dawdle; this is most likely our best chance to escape, so I pull my panicking companion with me. She doesn't come willingly though; I don't even want to think of how tired I'd be right now if she was a boy. As it is I feel fairly faint… While I am being dragged by whatever just saved me and T I start to wonder idly if it's the transition between the corridor and the passage that is dimming the sound of madness as well as the light or if I'm blacking out. I know for a fact that something is dripping from the top of my head where half a filling cabinet brushed against me, so option two has got a strong base to it.

Maybe it's not that important… I'm really tired right now… passing out looks more and more appealing in fact and at least it'll settle the matter… so tired…


	16. An Interlude

**AN(29/07/10): **Here is the interlude. I had a little trouble finishing the Malfoy part since the beggining was so old, but I'm pretty proud of the others. I particularly enjoy the way some of them link with each other, and I took great care not to order them in any particular way because of it. Lets see... what else? Oh yeah, the formating messed up the Dobby part some but there's nothing I can do there...

Ah, and I'm still looking for help with the beta-job.

000

_Dobby "the Elf" and the precious (surreptitious?) interlude_.

It stalked.

Fast.

Unseen.

Unheard.

Unsmelled even.

It knew It was good.

Very good.

The Best.

The precious had seen to it.

But there was no place for arrogance.

It needed to make use of Its full skill!

The other It hadn't looked capable of defending Itself last time, but It had been held at the other's It mercy.

It didn't like it.

Not. One. Bit.

But revenge would be Its.

And then… and then the precious would be Its too!

And there would be much rejoicing.

And much blood that wasn't Its too.

Thus the rejoicing.

Still, for that to happen, It needed to be careful.

Not of the protections of the school itself.

Those had been laughable last time It had made Its attempt.

But the traps laid by Its target had been another matter altogether.

It could see now why Its precious was so interested in the other It.

And why Its master wanted to end the other It by using Its precious.

The other It was just bloody annoying.

Interesting, but so annoying.

Not for long.

It would see to it.

It reasoned that if It killed the other It then Its master would be satisfied and Its precious would have no reason to stay away from It.

And It longed for Its precious.

So much.

So It stalked.

Unseen.

Unheard.

Unsmelled even.

Its arcane power tensed like a bowstring.

And It fed too.

It couldn't not to.

It didn't mind.

How could It?

It was good for It anyway.

It wanted to be in tiptop form to battle the other It.

Even If It was getting rather full.

It found that to be strange since it hadn't happened last time.

Still, It couldn't back out now.

Even if It was really painfully full now.

It would soldier on.

It was sure that using Its magic now would result in a failed mission and It could take the pain.

Or not.

It had a pretty high threshold, but it was getting harder and harder to even move as it was…

Yeah.

It was too full.

It didn't want to die.

So It started to throw magic right and left.

It knew that third time is the charm anyway.

But somehow, It couldn't use the magic fast enough to get rid of it!

Get rid of It!

It was panicking now!

It couldn't use magic while moving with Its swelled body!

And if It just stayed in one place then It felt getting fuller and fuller.

It could tell It was getting rounder and rounder.

And It was starting to glow!

With Its last breath It screamed.

"PRECIOUUUUS!"

And the It was no more.

000

_Cornelius Oswald Fudge and the tedious interlude_.

Cornelius was a bored man. He was, in fact what some would have called an eulogy to boredom. A true paragon of everything boring and uneventful. If Cornelius was honest with himself (something he tried hard not to be. but then again nobody is perfect…), he had to admit that even this thing about him wasn't surprising in the least. For before he turned into a boring and bored man, he had been a rather boring and bored teenager and before that he had been a boring and bored child.

Still, today was a particularly boring day, which he guessed made it a somewhat exiting disturbance of his regular monotony in a twisted sort of way.

_Why must things always be the same?_ Wake up, eat something, floo to the ministry (apparating made Cornelius very dizzy, which was a state of being that he equaled to being confused, which he hated, which was bad since it was a state of being in which he found himself more often than not), sit behind his desk, get his boots licked (not literally much to his dismay) by some random flunkies, then get his ass kissed by Dolores (which much to his shame did happen literally once when he was very, very drunk), get bribed by Lucius to force some law or another to get a favorable outcome with the wizengamot, hear Lucius tell him all about Dumbledore's little manipulations and plans to overthrow him and take over the ministry, then sleep.

It wasn't a bad existence per see. And Cornelius really _liked_ the gold, and the ass-kissing, and the gold… and did he mention the gold? It wasn't like there was another reasonable thing to do that didn't follow more or less that pattern after all. Of course, he could do other things if he wanted to. Nobody told the minister what to do. But no matter how attractive the possibility of burning his clothes and run around imitating a mouse could be to one as bored as Cornelius, those things just caused problems in the long run. And while they were not boring, Cornelius didn't really enjoy problems either. Plus that one time he had gone ahead and done it, he'd needed to part with a rather large chunk of his hard earned bribe-gold to make sure that nobody remembered anything about it. And wasting gold was just plain wrong. Like a heresy or something.

So Cornelius had more or less resigned himself to a boring existence.

He stamped another pointless document with a random red marker as if to punctuate that thought. His method of dealing with paperwork was rather efficient as far as he was concerned (not so much for the fifty or so people who dealt with the mess after he was done with it, but then again all ups have their downs… and what did Cornelius care that he had just denied a paper that in truth was a copy of his next inaugural whatever speech?), even if it too only made his days all the more repetitive.

What Cornelius really missed was having Dumbledore as an ally. Lucius made a great conversationalist. He could talk for hours and hours and never stop but for the few seconds needed to adjust his golden locks from time to time, and never ever tire. But Lucius just wasn't a pink mage and no matter how hard he tried or how long he talked, he could never quite fascinate Cornelius the way his old transfiguration teacher could. In both cases, Cornelius really only got the gist of the conversation, but when it was Dumbledore rambling he felt content.

Truth to be told, he really couldn't explain why he wasn't in good terms with Dumbledore anymore. All he knew was that one day, his daily ramble hadn't been filled with nice expressions like _the greater good_ and _the power of forgiveness and love_ and found in their place complicated and convoluted sentences about _the need for governmental dichotomy_, _the careful grooming of the future generations_ and _the absolute necessity of segmentation of our efforts_. When Cornelius had tried to explain that he was even more lost than what was usual, he had only earned frowning eyebrows and a quick "Youssa and Messa not be friends no more! Capisci?" and that had been the end of that.

Cornelius sighed. Well, maybe he should go visit Bartemius about this tournament thingy and see if the tasks were interesting. It might even make the day tolerable if there was potential maiming involved somewhere…

000

_Hermione Jeanne Granger and the perplexous (not a word, I know) interlude (or how Old Man Nick is a downright meanie!)_.

A failure.

That was what she was. A teacher had all but stated it right in front of her and the class. And a worldwide famous teacher as well.

Hermione had thought that she was prepared for everything when she had made her way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the world's most prestigious magical school, the place where she belonged.

Obviously, she had been wrong.

She had been prepared for the mockery that her classmates, who would most certainly be jealous of her amazing intelligence, would be sure to target her with. She had been prepared to be belittled by some of her professors for the same reason, like what had happened the previous year. She had even considered the possibility of being scolded by Albus Dumbledore, a man that all the books agreed was the wisest and most important man in the whole wizarding world (which obviously meant _on Earth_).

All but the last of her preparations had been tested, but that was alright because no matter how terrible it seemed, she was prepared and she could handle those horrible things.

But the thought that she would be made fun of by Albus Dumbledore's _mentor_, a man that was for all purposes _a legend_! That, she had most definitively not been prepared for.

And thus she had cried. And cried, and cried and cried. Until she was sure that if she kept going she would be completely dry (inside that is. her skin and clothes were most certainly drenched in salty liquid). And no matter the size of the humiliation, Hermione just didn't want to die. For one thing, she wouldn't get to complete her education (which was horrifying) and then there was the fact that every description of heaven she ever could find in a book didn't mention anything about there being a library in the after-life (and that was just behind words). Of course, most of the book's writers would be there too, but that didn't mean that they would be able to tell her what exactly they had written (though she didn't doubt that they'd be happy to tell her what they could since it would be heaven after all), and there was the fact that a good deal of the good authors hadn't really been good people too…

So she decided to stop crying.

She was still a failure, but that could change. She would just have to show everyone that she could be the best. She just needed to become Ministress of Magic.

000

_Severus Snape and the instantaneous interlude._

Severus, as a rule, was not a happy camper. In fact, as far as he could remember he had never truly been happy at all. Or been a camper at all for that matter. But right now. _Right Now_. He was so far from happy that a lesser man would have worried about going round the twist and back at the opposite side of the coin and _still_ have enough steam left to complete the ride back to annoyed at the very least. Thankfully for his reputation, Severus was not a lesser man and needed not worry about the indignity of such a thing.

The only real problem would have been that he would be ruining himself (what with having to buy new furniture every other day) if he hadn't known the repairing charm. As it was though, he could happily (but in a furious kind of way) tear his quarters apart and not worry about such petty things. For he had a lot of petty thoughts as it was anyway.

Now, the reason he stood so far removed from any state of being that could even remotely be called happy was right in front of him. It was right in front of him _now_ to be exact. Severus just didn't believe in coincidences. He was much too aware of just how much of what the common folk thought as coincidences were, in fact, the results of very deliberate actions of a select few, to ever believe them to exist. All the more when he was the unfortunate target of it.

So did Severus think it was unreasonable to point his accusing finger to Harry Potter when this was the first time in ten years that he had reached this level of sheer rage? No. No he didn't. Not even for a single second. For before his eyes stood a pamphlet that had Potter written all over it (not being literal here).

The title said it all.

_A Squib's guide to Muggle Hygiene. By Perry Cox._

There would be hell to pay. Harry Potter was responsible for this somehow and his death in the following days would most certainly _not_ be a coincidence.

000

_Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore and the ominous interlude_.

He was a hero.

The man that everyone looked upon. A figure to emulate. Albus Dumbledore was an ideal for people to reach to. And that was just the way he liked it.

Really, what good was it to be a hero if people don't listen to anything one might say? What kind of man would bumble around, saving people left and right only to be so hated by the public that he could never avoid problematic situations and was fated therefore to deal with them until the end of times? Cassandra's curse was, in Albus not so humble opinion, one of the cruelest punishments that Apollo could have dealt the girl, but at least she had never done anything that should have earned her the right to be listened to. Cassandra quite simply had not been a hero. Of course, before being enslaved she had been a princess. But princesses were not heroes and heroes were not princesses. Heroes rescued princesses and that was it.

Yes, Albus Dumbledore had been a hero since a fairly young age, and been given several powerful gifts of the mystical kind in order to survive his destiny. If Albus were to be truthful (which was a laughable concept really, Albus hadn't been anything more than truthhalf for a little more than a century and most of that time he had been truthempty) with himself, he would have to admit that he had been miffed (read gob smacked) when it had turned up that his younger sister Ariana had inherited a gift that had nothing to do with princesses and belonged by everyone's admission to a hero. What was sweet little Ariana supposed to do with something like that, Albus couldn't even begin to guess; but the point was moot nowadays. He was here, after nearly a century and a half of heroing and she just wasn't. Sometimes he even wondered if anyone besides him and his brother even knew her name anymore at all.

Yes, Albus Dumbledore was the senior hero in these waters and had therefore been granted the boon of fame and love. That and a nifty little phoenix familiar thing. Truly helpful. Well, the soul-bonded familiar clause hadn't been all that great in the beginning. For one, the little terrorist had a nasty temper (the lad hadn't been named Fawkes originally. Charles-Mathews had earned it through many a damaged propriety bill and at least as much damaged flesh occurrences. why, Albus still had the oddly shaped trace from one particularly nasty burn on his knee from a downright violent temper tantrum…), and for two… well motive number two was unfortunately still a valid concern.

The kind of bond that Albus shared with Fawkes allowed, forced really, them to share sensory perception. That alone would have been an annoyance if Fawkes had been any other creature. But Fawkes was a phoenix. An Avatar of the undying flame. And thus, every time Fawkes died, Albus could see, hear, smell, taste and feel what death was truly like. It only lasted a second, but time had no particular meaning in the realm behind reality, and each time Fawkes died the phoenix spent what seemed to Albus to be an eternity drifting through the eternal rest, taking his strength back until such a time he was ready to rejoin the material world and be again. There only a second would have passed for all but Fawkes and Albus.

Those travels beyond the veil weren't taxing per say. In fact, they were mostly relaxing and joyful. Albus got to say hi to old friends and to just allow himself to be free of all burdens. But there was a darker aspect to it. Albus could on those occasions watch what was the fate of the various souls that had moved on. And he did not like what he saw. For there was such a thing as eternal torment to the wicked and he found that to be horrifying. He had put some of the people that he had seen agonizing without end the first time he had taken a look, to Death himself. And he couldn't help but blame himself. He was the hero. He was not supposed to be cruel. Most of those times he had killed he probably could have come up with a way to avoid doing so if he had tried hard enough. And because he hadn't found it to be important at the time, these people, wicked as they may have been never got a chance to redeem themselves and were now suffering much more than what they could have hopped to inflict in a thousand years.

And _that_ was his burden.

To tell things plainly, he could never kill anymore. Because for one, there was always another way, and everybody could be redeemed. Albus had seen the fate of kind souls and he did not worry for them for they truly found peace and happiness in Death, but he could not help but try to help those he knew would not be so warmly welcomed after meeting their end. He did whatever he could to help them, the misguided, the lost. Whatever it took. Even at the cost of the innocent. The sad truth was that Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore would sooner sacrifice all the innocents in the world if it meant one more chance for a damned soul to repent. All but his own life. For, if not him, then who would even try?

He was a lie.

A hero that concerned himself more with the well being of his enemies than his allies was no hero at all.

All in all, Albus considered himself to be a heroic liar.

000

_Draco Malfoy and the wondrous interlude._

Draco Malfoy wasn't one to think too much about life. In fact, Draco Malfoy wasn't a great thinker at all. Well, not at eleven anyway. But, like a great many wonderful thinkers and philosophers discovered prior to him, Necessity and Suffering are very nurturing parents as far as thinking is concerned. And right now, Draco Malfoy was suffering a great deal.

It hadn't started bad at all. Such things never do after all. He'd had a glided life; his every whim had always been attended to (except for that time when he'd asked for a phoenix familiar… but that is neither here nor there. he didn't want a stupid phoenix anymore anyway). Of course, it wasn't all fun and games either. Draco was the sole heir of the vast Malfoy's fortunes, but that was a mixed blessing at best. Without a younger, less worthy, sibling to boss around Draco needed to be able to manage the family's finances as well as the political interests that came with it.

So, of course, his parents had given instruction to the house elf scholar (a poor lad named Alby) to teach young Draco the most purebloodish arts as well as the most basics ones. Sadly for the most Wealthy and Bigoted house of Malfoy (title assigned by the King himself), there is only so much information that a bound elf can force-feed a spoiled and stubborn three years old boy who just happens to be heir to the elf's house. Poor Alby tried his very best, manipulating the youngling with all his worth, but only ever got decent results. No excellence from this one, no Sir. Still, Draco got a good grasp of reading, proper hierarchy, and backstabbing. The results were far from stellar with subtlety, mathematics, etiquette, and dark arts theory, though. The least said about fencing and general magic theory the better.

All in all, Draco Malfoy thought that his life could have been better, but he admitted that it still was rather good to be him. Well, at least until he turned eleven and went to Hogwarts (the best magic school in the world!). For, you see, all good things must come to an end (oddly, the reverse doesn't tend to be true). And that they did for young Draco. The fact that he was right now bringing all those memories back to life while desperately trying to get free of the broom-cupboard he was locked in was a strong indicator.

The struggle was futile, he knew, since the upper Slytherin student had used a spell on the damned door; but what else was he to do? Sitting in the dark wasn't an appealing idea after all (for his father had told him once that there was only so much brooding that one could do in life before needing to take matters in one's own hand and do the work that needed to be done. and Draco, prompted by his natural dislike of the very word work decided to save his brooding minutes for when they would serve him the best, teenagehood).

The sad truth was that, aside from himself, all the horrible things that had happened to him since the start of Hogwarts could only be linked to one boy. Harry Potter. He remembered his boarding on the Express quite clearly (it hadn't been that long ago after all). After a formal nod from both his parents and a meeting with his lackeys (vassals, really, but for the life of him, Draco couldn't tell if there was a difference between the two), he had looked around for a compartment to settle down. Of course, he could have just picked one of the numerous ones that were empty even this close to the departure (a pureblood, like all proper wizards, is never early nor late, always just on time), but it was a perfect occasion to remind some of the filth their place. He had searched around a bit, and found a group of what could only have been some of those disgusting muggleborns he had been warned against. After casually ordering his hired muscles to expulse them, he had comfortably settled himself.

And then… and _then_! He couldn't even think about it any more without going straight into murderous fits of loathing (not that he found anything wrong with acting thus, but somehow, a older student that reported to his father had sent a memory vial of one such happenstances. and somehow his mother had seen it. and thought it to be cute). The truth is that he still wasn't even sure about what had happened back then. He had put his most dignified air like one would wear a particularly gaudy hat (poor Alby had much trouble looking dignified himself, so Draco only ever had his father as a model) and gone looking for possible allies. And found Harry Potter. Legendary status? Checked. Hermit, unlikely to have any unwanted prior affiliations? Checked too. Draco had found the perfect sucker. Someone he could make quick use, milk for all his worth, and then backstab without having to fear about retaliations from angry relatives or allies.

Unfortunately, when Draco had gone ahead and poked the boy, (in order to execute the beginning of his brilliant plan Harry needed to be awake, after that he could sleep through everything if he so wanted) all he had gotten was a glare and a "What is this? No-rest-land? I don't care if you want me to tattoo my name on your left butt cheek. Go away and come back when I don't feel like throwing you through a window. And don't forget your puppets!" for his trouble. After that he had been dragged, kicking and screaming, by his own vassals much to his surprise and anger. Much to their own surprise too it seemed (although that was not something Draco got from their expressions. they both wore a perpetual confused look of threatening dismay that was impossible to visualize without witnessing it first hand. Draco had asked his mother about it once and been told that they had most likely been cursed that way for falling to grasp the mechanism of proper facial schooling, in the tenuous hope that it would serve them well enough in most situations. _Nothing_, his mother had told him, _can look that stupid without either being cursed so or down right faking it_.).

Still, even if he hadn't understood what had happened in the least, even if he had been humiliated by Potter, he just couldn't let go of his one golden chance of taking advantage of a (almost) peer. And really, he hadn't even been able to give his name to Potter in the rush. While Potter was a hermit, Draco had doubted that he would be so isolated as to not even hear of the Malfoys. Everybody knew about the Malfoys. He had though that he would just have to try again and backstab him twice as hard in the end to satisfy Vengeance. He had tried to do so just after the sorting.

And he had been mocked for it.

He hadn't even been capable of answering the slight. Nobody had ever mocked him before. None had dared. Before boarding the train, Draco had been covered by the protective hand of his father's name and status, and while his father still could protect Draco if he judged it to be needed, Hogwarts was neutral grounds as far as Slytherin was concerned. Slytherin kids had seven years to play power games between themselves without too much outside interference because it was a good learning experience. At that point, two factions had warred inside of Draco. There had been the _Potter is dead, long live Malfoy_ party and the _don't gut the cow till it's dry_ lobby. In the end, the second had won by simply pointing that Potter hadn't been paying attention to the sorting in the least and that he most likely still hadn't known who he was.

But then, each subsequent meeting had gone worse than it's predecessor, until one day, he had been called _little D_. It was a horrible nickname, but frankly he had had worse from his mother. If it had just been the indignity of it all, Draco could have supported it. But it was the proof that Potter _did_ know his name. And didn't _care_. From then on, it had been open warfare. And still, he kept losing. And then… and then…

Well, then things had culminated with him being berated for mishandling a runic device… And now he was locked in a stupid broom cupboard without a way out. And in a sense he knew that this was his place. He was suffering, but from suffering he would obtain his drive and just as the pieces of would are carved by the crafter into what will one day sear through the skies, he would rise to the challenge and be better of it.

As soon as he got out of the damn cupboard.


	17. Divided we fall

**AN:** Not really betaed, though I did my best to catch what I could (I'm glad to say that we escaped from a bacon/beacon mistake). Additionally, I finally pinpointed the motive behing a couple of problems I'm been having. The site doesn't seem to want to cooperate with nice linear separation (they just vanish), so I adopted the triple 0 thing. The more perplexing problem is that the site vanishes a particular word too. For those who wondered what the other password that Harry got the Map to accept, well it's the same horrendous word from Marry Poppins that has no meaning whatsoever. Harry was actually supposed to use it in chapter 15 but it vanished there too.

Anyway... check my profile if the magical classification is confusing or if you want to know how far the next chapter is.

I don't own anything.

000

Mumble. Rumble. Grumble. Stumble. Some random part of my unconscious takes that last sound and extrapolates that the probability of T being awake and near me is somewhere above the ninety percent mark. I tell it to shut up and let me sleep. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like it's up to either of us. "So, if seeing a glass as half full instead of half empty makes you an optimist, what are you when you say that someone is mostly dead instead of barely alive?" Random-unconscious-part-of-me tries to match the voice with the contents of my database. I ponder the possibility of obliviating that annoying portion of my psyche. "I guess it depends if you actually like the bastard…" Ok, scratch the sleeping thing, I felt oddly targeted just there. Time to join the living. I give a long, hard, groan, as per custom when coming out of any respectable adventure-induced coma. "Hey look who's joining the living! Wakey wakey sleepy head!"

I could _so_ sue her for that (the plagiarism I mean. unfortunately, there's still no law against being that bright even when others are in pain)!

I carefully open my eyes. It doesn't actually prevent the pain from taking over my brain for a good ten seconds, but at least this way I'm not blaming myself for it. Always a good plus that. I never was one to enjoy insults (even when its actually self-loathing) and pain when served together; it leaves a distasteful after-taste of Dursley in my mouth. A thought that leads random-unconscious-part-of-me to wonder if Dudley really would taste like bacon… I'm glad I can't feel my tongue; I think it's preventing me from throwing up. Which is always good when you are lying on the floor. Blood and dust are hard enough to get of one's clothes, but at least their smell is relatively neutral. Anyway, I'm starting to see stuff again, which is supposed to be rather good… but then again… "Am I on painkillers or something?" The question sounds downright stupid if you consider the throbbing my head seems to be insisting on doing, but I'm just not thinking straight enough to come up with any other explanation for the vision of horror before me.

And I'm not talking about the sun either.

T looks like she has an inkling as to what I am referring to but she plays along (see what I meant the other day? this is what makes her such a good future lieutenant!). Assistant is just wearing her worried (if clueless) face while H is absentmindly stroking a rather large black dog, and D and B are their aloof Slytherin pureblood selves (even though they are probably not getting my point either). "No Harry. Jokes aside you were fine. Nothing an _epiksey_ and some rest couldn't fix anyway so we thought it would be best not to bring you to the makeshift infirmary. Even without considering those other issues, the press is hanging all around that place and you really don't look very hero-like right now…" I give a slow nod and try to digest the information. "Ok then. Of course, now I'm out of reasonable explanations for _this_…" I point at her to emphasize my point. Which is totally unnecessary all things considered. I mean, pirates' outfits haven't been the fashion for quite some time, even in the wizarding world.

And I just refuse to comment on the toy-parrot on her shoulder.

Assistant is snickering hard but she manages to stuff a paper in my hands.

_The New Inquisition (special edition)_

_**WORLD'S OLDEST MAGICAL SCHOOL COLAPSES!**_

_By Maxwell Ornard_

_Last Saturday evening, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry partially folded on itself due to what Headmaster Dumbledore (famous for his defeat of Dark Lord Grindenwald and for heading the I.C.W. for the last fifty years) called an unfortunate overreaction of a member of the facility which led to severe but controlled damage to the integrity of the wards. _

The official British statement sums that retired Senior Auror Alastor Moody (see portrait and biography on page 3 to 5), Hogwarts' professor since last September for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts (British terminology for Battle Magic), cast an overpowered magic drilling curse on a wall that happened to hold one of the castle's many siphoning runes.

Wow! And we are alive?

I mean, really, redundancy as a safety measure isn't one of the strongest points of wizarding folks… Lets see… yada, yada, yada… _a spell specifically designed to cause heavy perforation damage to magically saturated solids_… yada, yada, yada… _used for mining magical ore_… blah, blah, blah… _later adapted for dragon slaying_… Here it is!

…_is build in the center of a Wild Magic pool. Erecting edifices of magical nature in such places, with the local magical energy being great enough to power amazingly complexes sets of runes might appear as a good idea at first . In fact, that very thing allows the British school to be the best defended place on Earth (that is open to public). _

_And indeed, it is, to an extent; but one must take into consideration that no area bathed in Wild Magic in the way that the Scotland Conglomerate happens to be is amenable to accommodate civilization for long. Wild Magic pools are zones of pure entropy, capable of sudden, brutal, and sometimes deadly, changes all day along (see public list of unoccupied pools page 23). The very fact that the founders of Hogwarts (aka Godric Gryffindor/Salazar Slytherin/Helga Hufflepuff/Rowena Ravenclaw) only ever spent twenty three years building the castle (see the step by step account of the gradual canalization of Wild Magic utilized in the construction of Hogwarts and the diverse ward schemes utilized successively in order to attain it page 24 to 25)is nothing short of the miraculous._

The loss of that single siphoning rune, not only significantly diminished the amount of power available to that aisle of the building, but represents that much magic that is not being tamed and thus causing random harvock. Those are the two causes of the colasping. The loss of magic resulted in the instantaneous depowerment of the expanding arrays of the rooms and the vanishing of semi-portals, which in turn sent the excess of air and furniture at incredible speed against the nearby walls, while the increase of Wild Magic generally amplified the phenomenon and killed several magic-feeding creatures (House Elves, British slang for Lilipuci Homini Domestici) that resided there.

Oh. That _would _explain the elf with a dirigible airship impersonation… Well, one less thing to worry about! If house elves can't come near the place without eating to death that's one good consequence of this whole mess! But lets see what else is in here… yada, yada… _Salem's rightfull place in the tournament_… blah, blah… _blatatant incompetency of the staff_… whine, whine, whine… _known for his paranoid tendencies_… dumb, dumb, dumb and end. They are laying thick on the critic near the end, but I can tell that ex-pirate-Lord (new-pirate-Lord being T if I'm not mistaken) must really be an idiot of the worst kind. Personnaly, I think that there's nothing wrong with paranoia. Even in high doses it's a pretty healthy feeling. What _is_ dumb though is to be paranoid and let other know about it. That just doesn't makes sense at all. Why shout to the world that you are taking extra precautions? It'll just make the people after you (if they do exist) come up with more devious plans to kill you.

Oh well, I've seen worse lately…

"So the answer to my question is… what? Wild transfiguration of your clothes?" They all nod. "Pretty much, yeah. I was pretty lucky as it goes… Ernie's right leg changed into a flock of fire-breathing butterflies that flew away. The hunting parties are still out there trying to get 'em all." And just like that, the situation seems that much more serious. Meaning time to make fun of my minions! "So are you still wearing that thing because the residual energy makes it safer or is it that you are trying to take Dumbles' _most horrendous look of the year_ award from him? If you are be warned that there are already others competitors around the castle. Oh, and he probably plays dirty so be carefull!" I on the other hand do get my personal award. A scowl and a stinging hex. "Watch it shorty!" Witty answer incoming. "Hey!" Then again maybe not… "I know, I know… It was a low blow. But then again, if I'd aimed much higher it would have gone right over your head!" Ok, so I was right. I just forgot to specify that it was supposed to come _from me_ and have _her_ as the target. My bad.

Maybe I shouldn't have been so mean to random-unconscious-part-of-me. I'm pretty sure that It comes up with most of my ammo…

Well, I'll try to bribe myself with shinny baubles and a Hitchkock videotape or something. Oh. And food. I don't think that there's a part of me that wouldn't trade the others for food right now… I give my left hand a wary look at that thought. "So, if we have a makeshift infirmary, do we have makeshift kitchens or something?" God, but I hope that someone around here actually knows how to cook without the help of the elves. Well, I wouldn't mind calling for chinese either… but even _if_ the wards are weak enough after the crazy fucker's little stunt (which is more than doubtful), we'd most likely starve waiting for the delivery with just how far from… well _anything_… we are. "Merlin was merciful with the five of us Potter. The people from Hogsmeade sent supplies. Hopefully they'll prevent you from getting too bad. Morgana knows I can barely restrain myself around you even when you just fed!" Looks like random-unconscious-part-of-me accepted my offer! "I know. You always eyed me like a piece of meat…"

A part of me (another one) is very insistent on me running right now but I just don't have the strength. Tell my snitch that I loved it and that I'm sorry we didn't get to rob people together!

"Keep going the way you are and everyone is going to eye you like cold flesh!" Huh. Just a threat? She really must be tired to not at least pinch a nipple or something (though I'm glad she didn't do that. I'm not sure I could have stopped myself from making a comment that would have led to yet more suffering…). I ponder that fact while taking the sandwich that T is giving me and getting a good bite. Not my favorite but I can feel my mind clearing some already. Serious business it is. "So how are we alive? I was already halfway through that flashing thing with the events of my life when I felt someone pull me from behind and fain-… I mean passing out." I must say that I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to see more of it. Not that I want to die or anything, but the sad truth is that, baring some neat memories of me pulling on a ridiculous goatee that a guy who could only be my dad had (_hard_, with much baby gloating afterwards), the first half of my life sucks. I'm not even magic-aware until 6/11… "We are alive…" I give T my full attention. Well ok, not full in the most traditional sense of the word, but close enough for me to look like it and actually understand what she is saying (in case there's a test later). I only had one measly sandwich after all…

"… because Miss Fluffy saved us!"

Maybe I spoke too soon about the understanding part. Right now I'm not even sure I can _pretend_ I got it… In fact, having an idea about what "it" is would be a big help in trying to figure if I can possibly get it at all and how much it's gonna cost me… Assistant gives a sigh. "Miss Fluffy being the name Hannah gave that dog she is holding. I think that Tonks uses the name because it growls each time someone calls it that…" Ah yes. There was a dog wasn't it? Yep. Still here. Well, something is here at least… the dog part is debatable when you take into account that its size is only a few inches short of a full blown pony… of course, I can't see hooves… and I _can_ see sharp teeth… Which leads to the growling. "Well, is it even a female?" I'm a little disturbed when I see it's shaking its head quickly, but I don't mention it. "Of course Miss Fluffy is a Lady! I don't need to look her private bits to know that! Just look at how long and silky her fur is! She's just cranky, that's all." Well, the poor lad is obviously disagreeing with H, but then again, exposure to the ridicule isn't forbidden by law, even where humans are concerned. Best to let things be.

That and some (third) part of me can't help but enjoy it as much as T seems to. Weird that.

"Well, aren't you the regular heroine then?" I grin and give a bow. "I am in your debt for saving my life Miss Fluffy." Rescued by some random cross-dressing animal. I can deal with that. I'm pretty sure that owning a pet as clever as Miss Fluffy is against one or more of the directives of _The book of laws of our supreme ruler Harry James Potter_, what with it generally being a bad idea to give access to your room to anything that has even a slight chance of outsmarting you (thus no cats). But I guess that exceptions can be made since it saved my life. Plus it's really not all that different from having a mute Hufflepuff sticking around… I take another sandwich. "So…" Munch. "…Miss Fluffy…" Growl. I stick my tongue. Which I guess was kind of gross since I hadn't finished that bit of sandwich in its totality… I hope I can blame it on fatigue, I really don't fancy remedial etiquette with B. I mean, _seriously_, just because the first time he started to talk like Dumbles while teaching the only thing I could say was "Huh?", doesn't mean he should talk to me as if I'm a toddler or something…

Anyway…

"…dragged us through that secret passage and then… what? I guess we got out of the castle, but what happened after that?" Most of the time I don't mind their passive attitude (even if it makes me feel like a cheap wrestler to have to pull the information out of them that way. I guess it'd be more fun to do things GestaPo style but I wouldn't even know where to find the proper tools…), but the sheer amount of information in the paper hints at a fairly big commotion and I could do with knowing how things are going to be effected on a more personal level. Well, that's the burdens of leadership for you. "Well, she didn't drag you all the way. I took over once I got a grasp on the situation. Good thing too since that particular secret passage goes all the way to Hogsmeade. Never been so thankful for you being a lightweight." I guess I am somewhat thankful for it too since it most likely saved my life back there, but I could have done without B's grunt of agreement. "The exit point isn't all that discrete but we weren't noticed, what with most villagers being more interested with gossiping about the blowing castle." Can't really blame them there. I certainly wouldn't mind blowing it again just to see how it goes when you aren't inside during it.

Well, it's not like it hadn't been whispering about ripping me apart so I don't see why I shouldn't entertain the idea in kind…

"… and that's when Malfoy admitted his undying love for you." Wait, what? Oh. A joke then (the _lets mess with the guy that isn't paying attention_ kind. so lame.) Haha. "My, my… aren't we a full blown Batman archenemy today? Why, if you keep improving at that rate someone might even laugh!" She smirks of course. It wasn't much of a comeback after all. "Oh? I don't remember you ever doing any better brat." Which is sadly true, people are usually too stunned by my wit to even consider laughing. "Well, just because memory and bladder control are the first things to go doesn't mean you get to be anywhere near my level. Now on with the story." My blatant hypocrisy only earns me a halfhearted glare. I restrain myself from saying more in order to prove I'm not losing my touch. "Well, as I was saying before you went to La-la land, it was easy after that. I followed the path until the gates then cast point-me until I found the camp (which took some time since the entropy was already going strong). Luckily things were still pretty chaotic so once again nobody took notice. I found the others after some time and started treating you. Soon after that Dumbledore started giving instructions left and right and people calmed down some. He didn't get to say too much though since the Minister came with the press following behind."

I must say that I can't seem to decide if I would have liked being awake for that or not. It all comes down to '_Is seeing the old guy getting his ass chewed worth being in the presence of stupid(er than usual) people?_'.

All in all, I'm glad it's out of my hands. It's almost as good to hear about it second hand anyway. "So what about our stuff? I mean, I have all the important things with me but the lack of clothes might become an issue if cleaning charms are wonky…" She nods. "I know. Some people (a bunch of Gryffindor ditzs) already complained about it. The professors will be doing search and rescue missions, but it'll be focused on books and paintings for a while. In the meantime, Snape is distributing these along." I take a look at the familiar pamphlet and can't contain a snort. "Aww! He kept it! How sweet!" Hmm… search and rescue? That actually doesn't seem like a bad idea at all. If I could go myself to take a look and some _precious_ things happen to vanish… And with the help of the snitch I'm pretty sure that I could even pull it of too! All that loot! Free of inquiry! I mean, who would suspect me when a lot of things with just have been destroyed, or transfigured into stone, or whatever? Even tracking charms won't work properly in a wild magic pool so I'll have some time to come up with a runic array to ward against those… "Well, this is fun and all but a man just can't live on sandwiches, no matter how large a stock he has. I'm going to take a walk around."

I take three steps before wincing. God but that girl's got a strong grip!

"Not so fast Potter. Nobody here feels like watching after your unconscious carcass just because you somehow managed to almost kill yourself yet again. I'm coming with you." There's a terrible pun to be done here but I'm just not that brave. I take the safest shot. "You and me huh? All by our lone selves? Whatever shall we do to kill time?" I'm pretty sure she was going to say something about us being in the woods and there being quite a lot of creatures lurking around that would be more than willing to get rid of any evidence (she's predictable like that my D) but Miss Fluffy decides to bark just then. "You want to come too? Well, I certainly could do with someone to protect my virtue… Ok let's go!" My relationship with D is a complex little thing. There are lots of unstated rules. For example, we simply don't throw spells at each other (well, there was that paint prank thing, but that hardly counts since I was a target too). Another that I happen to think is neat is that, no matter what I say, she never tries to hit me when I'm moving. To make things fair I don't try to dodge when she does try. Meaning that she can get violent but only when I let her, which is not now. So we just bicker some as we walk around taking a look at the accommodations and the haggard students.

To be fair, some already looked that way even before they had a ceiling-sky dropped on their heads.

Once I finally get the general layout of the place (which is harder than you'd expect when taking into account that tents are _not_ wandering around) and grabbed some real sustenance, we start walking randomly (not near the press though) while I share with D some interesting thoughts that recently occurred to me about Chevalier's Still Death array. I must say that even without truly grasping the mechanics of runes beyond the basics, she raises some good points. The array basically prevents things that aren't alive from moving inside a given area. It's quite the useful thing to use in a vault for one (you can't take what you can't move after all), but it's even better to use it as a defensible position since with a big enough area, any enemy wishing to come within striking range needs to basically do so wandless and naked (not easy to move when the things you carry won't). What I want to do is to try to tweak it to make it absolute. As it is now, naked people _can_ move inside the area even without being keyed in. And while I really don't worry too much about the potential of assault by naked wizards, there are plenty of living things transfigured or otherwise that can cause a lot of wanton death and destruction.

A good deal of which can be found in this very forest.

The thing is that… well, air is just not alive. So how can anything breathe in the area? Hell, how can living beings even move when air should refuse them passage? What I thought until now was that, somehow, the array only took into consideration things above a certain mass, and I told D as much. She on the other hand, wondered if that fact doesn't come in fact from some unconscious Will Magic from the wizard who just doesn't consider air for the simple reason it can't be seen (and therefore doesn't really exist until one is suffocating). I guess I'll need to test it later. Not that I could test it now since we are still near other people. Well, that and Miss Fluffy seems very intent of dragging me somewhere. "Calm down you bloody creature! Didn't you hear that charms aren't safe to cast these days? What am I going to do if you tear my sleeve?" It does release me, but only to growl at me. Stupid mute Hufflepuffs. "Yeah, yeah, yeah! I get it, you really want me to follow you in the middle of nowhere with only one useless pureblood princess as back up. I get it already!"

I ignore the nasty finger-stab between ribs five and six.

"This is a bit of a conundrum you see? Horror movie rules state clearly that following unnaturally clever animals into dark creepy places, as was demonstrated by Mr. Carroll." And yes, Alice in Wonderland does counts as a horror movie. I don't care what people say, any story that mentions beheading so casually just can't be considered a fairytale in my books. "On the other hand, RPG patterns suggest that this could be the MD's way of granting me a powerful item… What to do? What to do? Hmm… potential dismemberment against potential monetary gratification…" Ah, whatever. Maybe I'm starting to adopt wizarding logic, but I just can't believe that something could go wrong twice in the same day. I sigh. "Ok. Wands out. We are going. I really don't think that sleeveless robes suit me at all, so that's that." We keep talking as we follow Miss Fluffy that struts eagerly a few meters ahead, but there is a tension in the air that just wasn't there before. "And now Granger is telling people to call her _Ni, Mistress of Magic_. We are assuming that some loose stones knocked a couple of bolts too many from her positronic brain. Still, it's actually more bearable that way. After hanging around the likes of Malfoy long enough you build an immunity of sorts."

Huh. "Are you serious?"

"Oh, I can assure you that the situation here is completely Sirius Mister Potter. Black times are ahead of us."

Yeah. So much for statistics.


	18. Standing Debate

**AN:(15 October 2010) **It's frustrating, but this isn't betaed either. I mean, I was more or less resigned to my fate after all this time and then there was a miracle. Armand DuBerry sent me a PM proposing to take care of it for me. Unfortunatly it would seem that his profile is set not to accept PMs. Which makes it hard to accept his offer. If you are him and still interrested (or if you are interrested at all) please contact me with a way to actualy answer.

What else? Oh yeah! Someone asked to post the list of the nicknames and who they correspond to. I thought it was fairly clear but then again a reviewer thought that D was actually Draco... So here it is:

T = Tonks  
Assistant = Susan Bones  
H = Hannah Abbot  
D = Daphne Greengrass  
B = Blaise Zabini  
little D = Draco  
the foaming guy = Snape  
old man Nick/ the old flame = Nicolas Flamel  
the show off = Minerva McGonagall  
anything else with old inside = Dumbledore  
space pirate (and all variants) = Moody  
my fan = Ron  
Hermione's changes each time.

Anyway, I own nothing. Confused people should go see my profile or review their questions (I always answer). People who want have an idea about how fast the chapters are going to come should go to my profile too. I think that covers it.

000

It takes my mind two and a half seconds to return to its normal (ok, default) state. I personally blame the terrible wordplay more than the amazing feat of transfiguration. I start to raise my wand immediately but two silent spells are already flying my way so fast that even dropping to the ground is of no help. D doesn't last much longer than me, her shield is immediately blown to bluish shards that are flung everywhere, only to dissolve as they touch their surroundings. One bright red beam of light and she's out cold. It's fairly frustrating to watch when petrified and silenced. "_Accio_ wands." Now that the fight is mostly over, Black seems to relax some and, somehow, that pulls me out of my state of panicked frenzy. Obviously he is going to indulge in some evil overlord gloating and torture D in front of me. Maybe offer me a chance to join the dark side (which makes no sense since I'm pretty sure I'm already there). My mind splits itself between taking his appearance in and trying to remember anyone mentioning my wandless capabilities in the dog's presence. That second task is over in a matter of seconds since I haven't been awake for that long. As far as I can tell, my ace in the hole is still there, but then again I don't know what the others may have said while I was out.

Still, I'm confident.

Even if he _does_ know anything, he doesn't look like he is going to take measures against it so that's fine. Now that I have that down I transfer the free processing power back to trying to find apparent weaknesses. He is tall; maybe all of ten centimeters short of old man Dumbles. He's pretty thin though, almost rachitic I'd say… If I were three years or so older I'd have a shot if it came to grappling. He isn't crippled in any obvious way beside that, though there are quite a few scars on his limbs… His eyes, well if mine weren't so stunning already I certainly wouldn't mind having his. I always liked blue almost as much as green. Though I do hope that people can't see the crazy in mine as easily as I can in his. Ah, well… if they can there's always sunglasses… His hair… hmm… "You know, it really _is_ long and silky." What do you know, all that wand waving he was doing while I stared at him was actually him putting a line of silence (don't confound with a silencing ward please, it really hasn't anything but the general results in common) and lifting the _silencio_ he had put me under.

He gives me a sour look.

"You could have helped me then you know!" Right. There goes the last shred of my already tenuous hope of having a reasonable conversation. I try to nod at him but it would seem that he isn't quite ready to lift the body bind just yet. Guess that crazy does _not_, in fact, mean stupid. "This is most likely where I'm supposed to say something about this not being, in fact, a valid reason for torturing me horribly before killing me. Unfortunately I just don't bother with reading the script these days… and I'd prefer not to mention torture at all from now on. I do tend to ramble and I'd rather not give you tips if I can avoid it. I'm fairly creative." He gives me a bemused look and for a second I wonder if purebloods are so far removed from reality that he can't even get that joke. "I'm not going to hurt you Harry." Huh. "No?" He nods. "No." Oh. "Ok… that's cool. So… where's my new item then?" And now he is laughing. Weird. It's not even a psychopath kind of laugh, or even just a manic laugh. Just a regular, breathtaking, happy laugh. I don't think he could scare me more if he were to eat baby bunnies alive right in front of me. It's one thing to know you are facing a powerful madman. But facing someone as frighteningly skilled and strong who is still sane enough to give that kind of laugh?

Screw waiting for the right time! I animate his clothes and make them choke him right away.

It's not perfect since he really only owns rags but it's working well enough. He's already dropped the wands so it's pretty much a question of time now. I don't think he can hold his breath longer than I can hold the animation. "The head (cough)… of house Black (sputter)… h-hereby… accepts…" What on Earth is he doing? "…accepts the granted (cough)… title of Miss F-fluffy… as given by house Abbott." Those… are very strange as far as dying words are concerned. Maybe the laughter was just a fluke after all? My ponderings lead me to unconsciously let him a bit looser. "I, miss Fluffy, hereby accept the life debt of Harry James Potter as by himself acknowledged." Shit! I can feel the magic slipping out of my metaphorical fingers already! For a moment, I consider apparating away, but I'm just not so far gone as to try that in an entropy pool yet. Not much point of escaping if you are leaving body parts behind and your opponent is a Black Mage. On the bright side, my old friend (Pa)Nick is back! It's two against one at least now. Or maybe not. (Ma)Nick seems to be evening the odds… Black coughs. I'm not sure if it's because I almost crushed his trachea or if he noticed I wasn't minding him anymore. "That… was pretty vicious of you Harry."

And somehow, it feels like he's praising me. Just disturbing.

"Well, it isn't like you should have expected anything else. If you wanted to go against someone who would just roll over and die you clearly chose the wrong _boy_." He gives a weak chuckle. "I can see that. Good thing that, like I said earlier, I'm not trying to hurt you. I just want to talk." Ok. Talking is good. I like talking. People rarely, if ever, die from talking (the great exception being death by extreme boredom, but I'm not calm enough to even think about reaching the state of mind required for that). "What a splendid idea! Why, just the other day a friend of mine was telling me I should try to have conversations that don't lead to murder attempts. I think you'll be great motivation Mister Black!" He sighs heavily. "Yes, I gathered that much. This will be a long conversation, I can see. Gods, but I hate sceptics." Once more I try to nod only to be frustrated by his earlier spell. "I know, right? A pox on them all, I say! And if that doesn't work then lets set a mass murderer, a couple of monsters, a psychotic castle and a stupid tournament on them! That'll teach them!"

What? He did say that he wasn't going to hurt me and I just can't help it.

"Oh, and would you mind freeing my upper body?" A wave of his wand and I can finally scratch my nose again. "So, what could you possibly have to tell me that was worth waiting two months for an opportunity Mister Black? I mean, the grounds are nice and all, but considering how windy it gets around here your wait can't have been all that pleasant…" Left unsaid is that doing so makes way more sense for someone who _is_ after my head. He raises an eyebrow. "How could you possibly know about that?" I make good use of the partial freedom he granted me to cross my arms smugly. "I am an annoying bastard. That kind of information falls under my jurisdiction." And there he is, laughing again. I mean, nobody ever praised me for my manners, but this is just plain rude of him! "Not to interrupt or anything, but I _do_ have stuff to do today… would you mind moving things along?"

He sobers up.

"I will. And to answer your question, I guess that I must start by not answering it." Lovely. "For you see, the crux of the matter is simply that I didn't come here for you at all. How to explain?" A pause. "What I am about to tell, young wizard, is a revelation normally restricted to the fifteen circle of life and above. So listen carefully." A pause. I nod. "The fact is that any self respecting tale should end with '_and there was much rejoicing, and much booze_'. Or, if you want to be more classy about it you can go with '_and there was much drunken rejoicing_'. Or even '_and they rejoiced, drinking to the spirits above from dusk to dawn_'. See? It's nice and open. Way better than this happily ever after thingy." I restrain myself from asking if there's a point to this. For one thing, I want to appear in control (even without the use of my legs). That, and you never know when that kind of information can come in handy. "By that definition, on that snowy (don't ask how, it _was_ Wales) October the 31st, most wizarding folk were witnessing (those still conscious mind you) the end of one particularly long and frightening story. And by the same standards, I was pretty far removed from the final act myself."

How very startling.

"Well, I _was_ considering (quite seriously I must say) the consumption of large quantities of alcohol. But, somehow, I found myself so far removed from any form of rejoicing that Severus Snape would have looked downright friendly and huggable in comparison." And isn't _that_ a disturbing thought? Maybe he is trying mental torture instead of physical? "Anyway, most that saw me then assumed later that I was quite upset about Voldemort's ultimate demise. I was not. And really, how would that have made sense? Voldemort's right hand man _would_ have rejoiced just as much as the rest. It would have been perfect to take over the Death Eaters (that's basic Sith philosophy)." I find myself nodding again. It makes me feel like a yes man (or, if you really want to be humiliating about it, a cheerleader), but I can't deny that _I_ would do just that if I had accepted to be bossed around in the first place. "No, I found myself euphemically upset because I had been forced to admit that, despite what I always thought, I was susceptible to wizard mindedness."

Now I'm almost sympathetic. Poor guy.

"I had crafted, in a moment of weakness, my first overly complicated plan and Murphy had thought best to take advantage of it almost immediately. It took me flatfooted I must say… I had always fancied myself one of his enforcers (after all while that job is assigned to black _cats_ in the muggle world, I _am_ a wizard and we are much more wary of black dogs). Now, I don't know why he decided to be so blunt about it. Maybe he just didn't think he'd get another chance to show me how powerful he is. The fact is that within two days of my mistake, I had cost their life to my two best friends." That would certainly not be a pleasant thing to have on one's mind. If it were true that is. "I'm sure you have been told that I was a friend of your parents back in the days, though most likely with the added '_until he revealed himself as the treacherous scum he is_' bit. What I am trying to tell you is that I was (not treacherous mind you, although I have been called scum by a couple of girls in my years). Now, I know how absurd that sounds given the present situation, but bear with me for a second."

Well, it's not like I have room for denial here…

"Ask yourself what is the best explanation, that Voldemort somehow convinced a person that never showed dark tendencies before (except for his horrible family that by all accounts he hated with fervor) to condemn to death his two best friends since before even Hogwarts… _and_ their newborn son? Or that there is another explanation out there?" Should I answer? It certainly sounds like a rhetorical question but I can have a hard time telling when it comes from a wizard… "Well yes. I suppose that's true. But is this the best place to make use of razors? While it's true that you really need to deal with all that disgusting facial hair, I am having trouble understanding your point. Just because one answer is more otherworldly than the alternative doesn't make it necessarily false." I'm stretching things a bit here. Best to tune it down. Like I read somewhere, it's fine to play the Devils advocate, but only as long as you don't end up believing your own words.

Black nods.

"I know, but I am trying to set the base for the discussion here. It's not like the original story makes sense, is it? We'll get there soon enough If there was something that I did pick up from my family is that a good lawyer always exposes the facts as he wants them to be accepted before going for the evidence. You need to give the bare minimum for your target to listen with an open mind of course, but the gist of it is to use all you ammo at once and thus avoid petty things like counter-arguments." I can't help but give him a funny look at that. "What? Just because it's an Evil tactic doesn't mean it shouldn't be used. I do want you to believe me after all." Cue deadpan. "I was actually going to comment on the fact that those things work much better when you don't inform the target…" He looks a little sheepish but shrugs. "Anyway, the fact is that, while I certainly wasn't fine with James and Lily dying on me like that… well it _was_ War. And they _were_ targets. It wasn't like we weren't going to see each other again after all. Hell, there's no doubt in my mind that to this day, if I could communicate with Lily she'd tease me about finally getting rid of me, hopefully for the next hundred years."

He pauses with a small smile. His face darkens pretty fast though.

"No, what truly pissed me off was that they hadn't died in combat. Not really. They died because they were stabbed in the back by a man I thought my brother (although it was the annoying kind. same category as Regie, really). A man I just so happened to have recommended for the role of Locus for the wards that protected my friends (who were part of the cool, if scary in Lily's case, siblings category)." _Fidelius_. "So yes… I was a bit… miffed with Peter at the time. So when I found him, and I did… the dumb bastard still hadn't realized by then that I had a tracking charm on his lucky underwear (or at least that's what he told us when we asked. I still say that he probably only had the one) since third year… Anyway, when I found him in muggle London eating French fries dipped in some kind of purple sauce (what do you mean how can I possibly remember that? it was my last free day. it's hardwired in my memory.) I lost it."

I see where he's coming from. Purple? Seriously, who eats anything purple? I mean, the only thing I can think about is beetroot and that's one disgusting vegetable (although I thank it for the wondrous sugar).

He nods sadly to himself. "You know how it is right? Sometimes when you're upset you'll start to say the craziest things… Well I may have made a few threats that… made things look bad. And I may have been… less than precise in my casting. So after the little shit had managed to flee (I got a finger at least! the bugger was fast but not that much) and the Aurors came and started asking questions… it looked majorly bad. Then when one of them said that the few things I had in mind were just cruel and I corrected her by saying that they were both cruel and unusual… I'm pretty sure that's when I lost the right to a trial." I stare. He shrugs. "Nobody ever accused me of being level-headed. Even less so when loyalty is involved (did you know I was honorary Hufflepuff before the Azkaban stuff? granted, it had more to do with the fact that I was in very good terms with their three female prefects than anything else, but still!)" I keep staring for a few seconds. "You are telling me, that I shouldn't believe the official story because it's full of holes. And then you go on and tell me that what truly happened is the very thing I was told only with you being the victim instead."

I sigh. "How does that make more sense?" Not that I expected much from someone who spent ten years surrounded by dementors to begin with, but he could at least make an effort damn it!

"If the only versions I get to pick from are just as unlikely why should I doubt the official statement?" In fact his story is even more unbelievable if you take the purple sauce as a factor. Better not to mention it though. "Because the official version was the result of our upstanding ministry folk's careful investigation?" Which mean that there's a better than even chance it's wrong. Damn. He got me there. "Well, that still doesn't mean you are telling the truth. Both versions could be wrong for all I know. So hurry up with the evidence part already." I really need to eat something. It's like I can feel sanity slipping through my fingers as he talks… I restrain myself from looking at my arm. It's innocent until proved guilty, which means that even if the chaotic magic around us did decide to transfigure it into apple pie or something, it still wouldn't be right to eat it. "Right. The evidence. Hmm… I was actually going for the reasonable doubt approach on this one but you said that just pointing out why the ministry version is shit isn't going to cut it… Well, lets start with the fact that if I had wanted to take your parents down I could have. Easily."

So very modest. Not like I am the best placed to point it to him though.

"Don't get me wrong, your father was _good_. But I am just that much better than him. Got a couple of completely unfair advantages on my side (like any proper Black). And Lily… well… Lily was my equal. Maybe even my better. But she was a healer, and with the Oath… she still could have taken me with trickery (for she was a master in the art) but never if I had gone for a backstab. So how come Voldemort went there himself? He's not the kind to bother if there's no need you know? My guess is that he did because Peter is a sorry excuse for a wizard and he preferred to take a risk and hope there weren't much in the way of additional defenses past the main ward rather than have Peter try by himself and botch things." That certainly is a convincing argument. Still not enough by itself but he makes a good case. "Then, there's the fact that I had no motive. While you may think that neither did Peter, the sad truth is that he was a coward all his life (still is I'd wager). You can ask anyone. Before he proved his worth by challenging Evil Sirius Black to a duel, everyone who knew him would have told you that he was so devoid of positive qualities that the hat must have just picked a house at random."

Now, that isn't very nice. Maybe his positive qualities just didn't fit any of the stereotypes. Like a talented juggler or something…

For a moment I stop to think about how things would be if we had much more houses than four. Either they'd have to narrow their defining qualities or the other would be stuck with ridiculous stuff. Like the house of those who don't snore, or who at least do so in a cute way. Although I'm pretty sure that could be grounds to chuck you in Hufflepuff… Is he still talking? Huh. I guess I'll pretend he made several other good points and listen more closely from now on. "…and lastly, there is the fact that I'm not doing anything untoward to you right now." Well, there is that… "Fine. Whatever, stop rambling already. Just tell me why you are here then. I'm pretty sure you never said." The look of triumph on his face tells me he was waiting for this. "And there his my final piece of evidence your honor!" I interrupt him just for the hell of it. "How can your final anything come after your lastly? You are making even less sense than me and I'm practically starving here…" He waves his hand dismissively. "Professional rule breaker talking here." I refrain from pointing that this kind of statements wouldn't be a very good idea if he hadn't convinced me already. And that if I am convinced then there's not really much point to more evidence.

He keeps going.

"The reason I am here is that Peter is here! Well, he was until Moody blew everything up anyway. Hear my words, he and me will have a long talk once they unpetrify his sorry ass!" He keeps mumbling about the things he wants to do with the guy's peg leg for a while. "Right, right. Are you going to explain exactly how was it that the supposedly dead man was here without anyone knowing about it but you?" With one last curse involving bionic-pirate-guy's personal hygiene, he continues. "Right. Well, the fact is that Peter is an animagus. After I finally busted myself from Hell on Earth I just located my old tracking charm and decided to get some more revenge (one measly finger just won't do it I'm afraid). The little bugger is a rat so it's not easy to find him but I had high hopes until the paranoid patrol decided to screw with my chances. Worst of all is that there's no way any tracking charm could have survived that much entropic magic. Pretty much any magical effect that doesn't rely on runes or downright powerful essence magic must have been busted by this…"

Good thing that most of what I've got falls under one of those categories…

"Wait. Didn't you tell me like ten minutes ago that Peter was a useless wizard? Am I supposed to believe that somehow his one talent was advanced self-transfiguration?" He looks thoughtful for a moment. "Well… no. Now that I think about it, it's more like I am an animagus twice and I lent him a form…" Is that even possible? Some of my scepticism must be showing because he explains a little more. "Of the four of us (yeah, there was a fourth dude but I won't talk about him now. he's a fucker anyway. didn't even try to talk to me before they locked me up), only James had a real gift for transfiguration. I was good enough to follow with his help and that other guy would have been too if there hadn't been issues to prevent him. But Peter was a screw up. After the twenty-something-th time we had to beg Lily to reverse the damage he did to himself while trying, I looked for alternative ways. And I found a couple within Black Magic. I was the best there was at Black Magic and very good with runes too so I managed a dumbed down version of the original. With the number of rats we sacrificed it should be good for another five years at least. You know, there were warnings in the text about sacrificed spirits banding together to influence the caster… We thought that there was no way for that to happen with a bunch of rats (which is why we chose that animal), but theses days I wonder. Peter never had a very strong will…"

I'm getting this strange feeling that being friends with the bloke isn't on the safe side of things… Maybe we should stick with being archenemies…

"Okay… I think we just need to clear the _why did you, in fact, decide to say hello_ part now." He shrugs. He does that a lot I've noticed… can't be very good on the shoulder blades but whatever. "What else am I to do? I guess that I could go hide somewhere nice and warm with lots of gorgeous maidens, but I know myself. I'd be bored of it after two months or something (not the girls mind you, but you can find those in most places anyway). And it looked like you might need a hand. What with castles, _and_ monsters, _and_ tournaments _and_ the pox after your hide." Got me here too. While I do like to look at a gift horse in the mouth (to check for hidden C4 compartments) I would never actually refuse one. Even poisonous gifts have their uses after all. "Alright! Welcome on board minion-lieutenant number 2! Assemblies for Evil-plotting are on even days from eight to nine. I'll talk to Human Resources and see if they can find you suiting accommodations. Now be a dear and release my legs." He waves his wand lazily.

"Here you go"

I sit down and start to look for some food while waiting to feel my feet again. "Thank you. There's still a couple of things to discuss of course. I'd like a copy of that ritual you just mentioned for one but that can wait some. It'd be neat if you could get yourself in life threatening situations near me from now on. I don't think I like having life debts lying around, I'm sure you understand. Oh, and I need you to train you little cousin. She's rather good as far as Red Magic goes but books just aren't enough for Black Magic." He looks thoughtful. Wistful even. "You want your friends to know then? That's fine I guess… It'll be nice to talk to sweet little Nimy again… You know, last time we talked she said I was too big and that I wasn't allowed to walk in her room unless I was on my knees? I don't think I ever laughed as hard if you don't count the day we learned that toddler-you was deadly afraid of stags…" I refrain from asking how he can even know that (I mean, it's not like stags are common house pests or anything right?). No sense in calling more embarrassment upon myself. "How about we just tell T and D here? I think that'll be enough for a while."

I take a look at my watch and frown.

"If D is right, old man Dumbles should be making an announcement soon and I'd rather not miss it in case he still wants to do the first task this month. Wake her up and then transform. I'll explain things to her on the way and we'll talk more tonight."


End file.
